To ask how mothers have hobbies/interests/friends

[Miserycrumble]

Asking for myself - yours sincerely a tired, busy and slightly unfulfilled mum of a 3 Y/O.

It’s hard when they are small. I didn’t really have any proper out door hobbies until they were teenagers. Now I just leave them to fend for themselves and have a day to myself at the weekend

I had an Easter dinner party today. What I do is invite friends. Then I’m forced to get it done. Even if that means buying food in my work lunch break or cleaning the loo before the doorbell rings. I sort of trick myself into it. DH has fucked off ti the pub now with them, leaving me to clean up (and hoover up any stray chocolate) which isn’t great. But if I thought about any of that stuff, then I’d never do anything…

Try not to be out off by people seeming a bit cliquey. Sometimes that is the case but naturally people going for a while have little groups but that doesn't mean you can't be friends with anyone in it, sometimes it just needs a bit of worming your way in.

Well, yes, I think YABabitU.
You've admitted yourself you are putting barriers in the way.

My dc are adults now, but when they were small (and I had more than one, and also worked) we both felt it was important to carve out time to do something (interest / hobby / volunteering). It is important to try to be more than only a parent.
As to what that is, it depends on what you enjoy doing. that's different for everyone.

DH and I both happy to parent while the other gets time to themselves. He’s off mountain climbing (or something) for four days next month, I’m off for three days in France in June. It’s give and take. And only having one helps.

Try Meet Up there all sorts of groups to join.
ive joined many art based hobby groups and enjoyed them all, they've been social as well but I've never made a friend I'd meet out of group, but then I didn't want to make friends I just wanted a nice time and a chat

Put your kid to bed at 7.30 and you have the evening to do whatever! Have your partner do the bed time routine every other day and you have even longer. My husband took the kids off swimming on Saturdays so I went to a mosaic class.

YANBU OP but you sound like you’re lacking confidence. I started running when DS was 2. I could do it any time and it was free, plus I didn’t feel guilty as it was health related. I went on to compete in races which are really fun and gives it a talking point with others.
I also started a book club. Now I find it much harder as have taken on more responsibility at work so mentally, socialising is more draining. I’ve also lost that ‘primary school’ time when it was easy to keep up with people as you’d see them at the gates. I’d recommend making a point of getting to know people in reception when your child starts. You’ll probably be going to loads of kids’ parties and will build a network then.

There are loads of hobbies you can do on your own.

Things I did completely on my own include joining a community choir; having Lindy Hop lessons; going to pubs to see live music; yoga; I joined a gigging band.

Yoga is the only one of those I haven't made friends through.

There is nothing to stop you.

I'm not a confident, outgoing person but I had a choice - to do those things and have hobbies, enjoy myself and make friends or not do them and not have those things.

I sew and knit. I have a really good online community from those hobbies.

This works for me. I'm an introverted extrovert and a after a week at work I just want to chill at home, but it's nice to interact with people on my terms.

I started running when mine were small as it was so accessible - warm up at home, out the door and boom exercise, meditation, fresh air all in one go. Step back in door 30 mins to an hour later.

It's such a short window it was much easier to fit in than most things and then could just go slower for longer / include a coffee stop if I had longer.

I made looking after / educating children my hobby at that age. I ended up running a charity that organised playgroups, and was hands on to run the ones that my own children went to. I made loads of really good friends, had a lot of fun, kept my non-mum brain ticking over and spent time with my children.

I am an extrovert extrovert and genuinely enjoyed all the organising. I made friends for life: my youngest is 16 yrs now and I’m still hanging out with the other women I met when he was a baby. Ah but they are great 🥰. And my kids have great memories of the times we spent together when they were young.

I’ve found I had to be firm with my other half and say I do 99% of the childcare now it’s time to pull your weight so I can have me time before I go insane.

Keep trying! If you give something a good go and you feel like you're not going to make friends, can it and move onto the next thing.

When DS was little I couldn't rely on DH getting home from work on time, so found things nobody would mind if I was late or missed the beginning of something.

Getting yourself along to something is an achievement in itself. If it's awful, you can always leave. They can't stop you.

I've done singing lessons, community choir, allotmenteering, meditation three different places, ceroc dancing, two other types of dancing that I didn't get on with and didn't go back, and kayaking/canoeing. It does get easier as kids get older.

I have one child, she is 5. I now have more time / energy / headspace for hobbies. I’ve always maintained friendships though, things may have changed but they’re still my friends and I’ve made new ones along the road of motherhood.

DH looks after his child while I participate in my hobby.
I look after DC while DH does his hobby. Simple.

When your child's dad isn't a selfish prick who refuses to look after his own DC and you don't act like a martyr it's easy to take time off and do things for yourself.

I think pre child, I didn't really have hobbies but it didn't bother me so much. I was still fulfilled by watching TV, films, going out for coffee, rocky country walks, going to the pub with my DP. I saw a couple of friends every few weeks. The idea of trying something new is scary.

But the problem isn’t that you don’t have time or childcare, by the sound of it, the problem is you don’t have anything you’re really interested in or any friends. It’s not clear from your posts which is the biggest problem. You seem disappointed in the classes you took because you didn’t make friends, but if you are doing something that fascinates you, a class/event will never feel like wasted time because the activity itself is the point. I took an origami class recently, which I had to run to and from because of work timings, so barely a chance to make eye contact, let alone friends, but I loved it. Think about something you really eat to do, and would be enthralled by even if guaranteed in advance you wouldn’t make friends doing it.