To think my son's behaviour isn't normal

[Stugglingwithson2023]

Name changed
I have a dd11 and a ds8 and ds4 (almost 5) My ds8 is autistic.

My ds4 is out of control he never sits down always on the go and climbing everything. He can't even walk without jumping or running away.

He talks constantly but rather at you rather then with you.
He breaks things on purpose and throws anything thats in his way.
When he is told no he screams at the top of his lungs for ages and will spit and kick punch etc when is is in a state nothing we do helps or calms him down.

I have been on courses and begged for help
I don't know what to do anymore.

No of course it isn’t. His brother is autistic so there’s an increased chance he is nd. Given he’s displaying unusual levels of exhausting behaviour I think it’s worth asking for assessment.

That sounds so very hard

Does he act like this everywhere or just with you.
My youngest is 5 and behaves perfectly in school but very difficult out of sight of other people.

ADHD
ODD
ASD

Are all possibilities. What have nursery/school said?

I'd speak to nursery or school senco and ask him to be observed. You could also go gp and ask for a paediatrician referral.

How's communication? Would he benefit from SALT?

He shows similar at nursery. As far as im aware no one has concerns.

I want to take him to gp but he starts school in August and i think it might be best to wait so i have school backing

But he might need extra support at school, so I would start the process now
Have you told the school of your concerns?

Start with nursery. Does he need extra support other children don't get? Ask them to refer him for assessment. It can easily take 2 years to be seen.

I’m assuming with one child on the spectrum you know how long and laborious the process is to get a diagnosis. I would start it as soon as possible.

The most obvious thought that springs to mind is that he is also ND, like his older siblings.

But if nursery have no concerns, then my next thought is that either he has witnessed similar behaviour from his older siblings and either thinks this is what you do at home, or knows it gets more attention.

I would start by asking my GP for a referral and start the ball rolling, but at the same time take a step back and see if the behaviour is worse at home/around sibling.

If you start the assessment now there is a chance of him getting some supports in school.

Its better to have school or nursery on side and agreement that there is an issue. Which is why im waiting until school that and he can still access support without a label when he gets to school. School need to see it first.
As it stands nursery think its my parenting rather then sen. Everyone thinks it's my parenting perhaps they're right but i wish someone would tell me how to fix its then 😔

He does do the same at nursery so much so he needed a 1 to 1 last week cos of it

Behaviour is a need, why ever it happens. Nursery should be talking to you about how to support him

If you think he has autism can you use behaviour/communication techniques that would help if he does

You think the school will solve your problems they won’t.

Be prepared for him to be excluded at lot - until he has a diagnosis:

Het him assessed now, and let the school know so they can bedGet for extra staff.

Dropping him in and expecting them to do everything with a 30 class intake in ridiculous!!

They will have spent the money elsewhere. Then TAs get pulled from classes they’ve bonded with, or children they are working with - and they then set off a disruption elsewhere.

Plus there’s rarely any TAs about on September - they will all have jobs from July so the chance of a new one is limited.

start the ball rolling now,
speak to nursery and ask for a referral or ask your health visitor for a referral
ask for support in the meantime from early years

Your nursery sounds terrible

@Scarletttulips schools don’t get much extra funding anyway. Full time 1:1s very rarely happen

So he does sound atypical & its worth seeking assessment, but given it may take years, even if ND he will benefit in the meantime from routine, consistent consequences etc which you as a parent are on control of.

What's your approach on consequences for poor behaviour? Do you have a predictable, consistent set of consequences you impose that he is familiar with and understands? Eg if he breaks something on purpose, what do you do?

Do you offer him a good diet (little processed stuff & sugar) my friends DC is ND and colourants/sugar etc really don't help him.

How is his daily routine? Does he have a wind down period before bed, bath, books etc, and get a solid chunk of sleep? Tired children can be on a knife edge. Of course ND can also affect sleep but if he is not getting enough sleep it won't help anyone.

Don't wait until August. See the GP straight away. If possible, take a letter from his nursery with you outlining what they see too and what their concerns are.

Waiting lists for referrals and assessments are years long.

Behaviour is a need, why ever it happens. well no it can also be a communication of wants, and if a child doesn't face any negative consequences for behaviour, and gets what they want from it, they'll keep doing it.

My daughters 3 sons.. eldest Aspergers.. youngest ASD.. Middle one sounds like your son..ADHD.

Look into PDA, his pattern of behaviour fits the profile along with elements of ADHD.

it would be better for him and for school if something had already been flagged up before he starts op