Was I being unreasonable? Truthfully

[ihateheartache]

Hi, I’ve been getting to know what I thought was a lovely feller.

We’re both relatively young I suppose. If that’s relevant.

He knows I’ve had a horrendous past with my ex. I’m quite sensitive. So maybe that’s why I think I might be being unreasonable.

He was asked to go out with friends. But he couldn’t be bothered, I encouraged him to go as I thought he could do with some adult interaction as he’d been sick for weeks.

Before he was going he started saying some things over texts that felt like he was trying to get a reaction out of me. Things like “The fellers he’s going out with will be trying to chat up the young barmaids” & implying I was trying to make him look a certain way so girls wouldn’t find him attractive.

seems so unimportant. I guess it is, but I couldn’t help but think, what is he gaining from saying pointless things like that. I can’t be bothered feeling insecure. Even if it is my own fault for being sensitive. Why say those things anyway? So WIBU to just say, I’m not interested really, it feels quite immature to say those things especially given he knows my past.

Im sorry there’s more to it than what meets the eye but I’m trying to summarise it. I feel so stupid to have let someone in after 13 years. It feels like mind games. I dunno what I’m seeking here. I’m happy to be told I overreacted x

Sorry to add, the second I said, stop saying those things it’s not making me feel good he turned on the “it’s just a joke” & now he is the one who “needs time to think” If that adds to the story x

How do you not have the ick from him already? Also, do young people really say ‘fella’ and talk about young barmaids?

Or fellers 🙄

I’m from the north so it’s just normal for us to say feller tbh. But I dunno why he said “young barmaid” when he’s not even old himself. I do have the ick. Hence me basically ending whatever it was we had. But I wanted to just get some advice on if I went OTT. Because I am happy to stand corrected if I did.

You think you might of over reacted... How did you actually react?

It sounds like you're trying to categorise your feelings as right or wrong. It doesn't work like that.

Bin this one off. He's no good.

I honestly don’t know if I have or haven’t. It’s been years since I’ve even spoken to another man besides my ex boyfriend. So this is like new territory for me.

I feel like the things he said, was his way of trying to get some sort of reaction from me & the minute I took the bait he’s used the “it was just a joke” “I need time to think now” pass & it’s made me second guess if I reacted OTT.

YANBU OP. This is not the one for you.

& I text him at first to say look, stop saying silly comments. But he continued so I said, I’m gonna go now have a nice night & it sort of escalated to him saying, what’s with my attitude & I told him I thought his comments were unnecessary amongst other things & now somehow I’m in the wrong. 😑

Thank you. I know, it’s just horrible that I’ve let someone in again for them to upset me. It’s like dating for the very first time all over again for me. But thank you for your advice x

Mn is too bigoted to accept linguistic diversity. I’ve lived in the north for 15 years and have to be very careful how I speak on here. You’re better off getting this thread deleted as you’re going to be torn apart for speaking like you do as a normal human being. Write it again, but you’re only allowed to use the words ‘partner’, ‘woman’ when referring to anyone female, and don’t call anyone a baby unless they’re under 12 months 👍

He’s a wrong un! I could not be dealing with the mind games. I think this behaviour would only have escalated if you stayed with him.

He sounds very immature to me. A joke is supposed to be funny, what is funny about anything he said?
I really couldn't be bothered with all that.

Thanks for your reply. It’s making me feel like I’m not some OTT sensitive person for feeling how I do to his pointless comments

You're not being unreasonable OP. You're entitled to feel any way you want, don't let him tell you otherwise.

But in my opinion, you're not over reacting, it's very childish of him to do this, he's trying to get a reaction out of you, no idea why, maybe it boosts his ego if he can make you react in a jealous way.

Also agree that you aren't at all being unreasonable. Try not to second guess yourself. The person you considered lovely doesn't seem quite as lovely now. You're worth more than that and, hopefully, someone truly lovely is out there for you x

I appreciate you validating how I feel because I genuinely wouldn’t ever want to overreact to something if it was so minor. I do think it’s immature & I know if I said those things, he’d had seen his ass no doubt. Still hurts to know I’ve let someone in for them to just turn out to be every thing I thought they wasn’t.

Thank you. I do really appreciate your kind words. Hopefully it’ll start to hurt less as the days go on x

Sounds immature and silly.

Put this one back OP.

From the former young barmaid perspective, the kind of bloke who tried to chat you up when you were FUCKING WORKING could not die soon or painfully enough. Aaaargh dickheads.

😂 I feel you. I’ve been that barmaid & it is unbelievably annoying! In his defence he said the men, that he’s going out with would be chatting up the young barmaids. But still, such a daft comment 🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh heavens. You are not being unreasonable at all! He is definitely doing those things to purposely hurt you. Get rid of him.

One rule I learned is to never tell a potential partner about any abuse from your past right away. If they are disingenuous it just lets them know what you will tolerate and how they can potentially treat you.

I know. Massive error of judgment on my behalf. Lesson learnt.x

Good on you for recognising that it's him, not you. Chuck him back, he's a knobhead (knob'ed 😉) who wanted to try and make you feel jealous and then had a tantrum when it didn't work, leaving to a sulk. What a knob he is.

Thank you. This made me laugh x