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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To kick my partner out for this?

84 replies

CoralHedgehog · 30/03/2024 22:51

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not, I'm very upset at the moment and my head is a mess. I'm 20 and my partner is 21. We live together. I spoke to my partner earlier and admitted to him that I've been struggling recently and that my mental health is bad at the moment and that I've spent a lot of time crying recently. His response was "why are you telling me about it, if your mental health is bad then go and kill yourself or something like that". I got angry at him for saying that and he accused me of massively overreacting. I'm thinking about kicking him over but I'm not sure if I would be overreacting or not. I was really upset before his comment but now I'm even more upset. I just can't get past his response to me, it feels like he doesn't care one bit but he says I'm overreacting about what he said. Also, I don't have any friends so if I kick him out then I won't have anyone else to talk to either.

Would I be unreasonable to kick him out for this? I just can't get past what he said to me but he thinks I'm overreacting. I haven't told him yet that I'm thinking about kicking out because I don't know if I'm overreacting or not, I also won't have anyone else if I kick him out because I don't have any friends. My mental health feels worse now than it did before I admitted to him earlier that I'm struggling, I also feel more upset now than I did beforehand as well.

OP posts:
Nicetobenice67 · 31/03/2024 13:01

Fuck him what you need to do is see a dr and get help with your mental health put yourself first honestly you really need to sort yourself out get help it is out there ….I’ve been there and glad I got help should have done it sooner ..hope your ok

Andthereyougo · 31/03/2024 13:01

CoralHedgehog · 30/03/2024 22:59

I mean kick him out the house and dump him.
Yes it's my house.

If I do kick him out I won't have anyone else to talk to, I don't have any friends.

Show quote history

This won’t get any better.
He’s shown you in that one remark what he’s really like.
Once he realises what upsets you he will jump on that and all his comments will be made to hurt you. He’ll enjoy you being upset.
Been there, had the t shirt.
Kick him out, don’t ket him back.
Then think of ways to make new friends. Play a sport, join a gym, volunteer, join a quiz team, a book club, take craft lessons.
But bin him straight away. He’s horrible.

KreedKafer · 31/03/2024 13:04

Of course you should kick him out. He‘s an abusive cunt. You are being abused.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 31/03/2024 13:05

Call the police if he refuses to leave or gets aggressive with you again.

PonyPatter44 · 31/03/2024 13:10

Has he gone yet? Are you safe?

Once he has gone, put the chain on the door and delete his number from your phone. Its scary, but I promise you will feel much more free once he has left your life.

FarmGirl78 · 31/03/2024 13:19

Please let us know you're ok @CoralHedgehog .

FarmGirl78 · 31/03/2024 13:28

PonyPatter44 · 31/03/2024 13:10

Has he gone yet? Are you safe?

Once he has gone, put the chain on the door and delete his number from your phone. Its scary, but I promise you will feel much more free once he has left your life.

Better than deleting his number.....if you know it off by heart then change it in your mobile to "Don't ring the knobhead". This means if you're ever having a weak moment and feeling lonely and want to talk to someone, and you type his number in then that'll come up and hopefully stop you pressing dial.

One of the best bits of advice I was ever given was at times like this, over the next few days and weeks you will likely find yourself feeling lonely or vulnerable. And in those moments you might think "I'll take him back, being him wasn't as bad as being lonely in comparison". NO. Do not compare your nasty abusive relationship over the past months with how you are feeling now. Because that's not a realistic comparison. You compare being with him to how you will feel in 6 weeks, 6 months, 2 years. Compare being with him to where you'll be when you've sorted your depression out, and you have much better mental health. Compare being with him to going out with your friends and knowing he won't be angry at you when you get home. Compare being with him to locking your door at night knowing your home is your castle, and you alone are Queen of it. Compare being with him to 6 years down the line when you maybe have someone who adores you and treats you right. Compare being with him with 4 years time when you'll pass him in the street and see how far you've come and how good your life is because of that choice you made this morning.

Astrak · 31/03/2024 13:47

Please report this to the police. Mr. Ghastly Ex-Partner may go, but he may also come back at some point. If the police have his threatening and abusive behaviour on record, they will make every effort to prioritise your call.
Good luck, and congratulations on getting rid of this sorry specimen of humanity.

Thepeopleversuswork · 31/03/2024 13:57

This is an absolute no brainer. No one should tolerate being spoken to like this.

OP I can pretty much guarantee you will be better alone and talking to yourself than being with someone who tells you to kill yourself when you ask for help.

What has happened to you to make you think you deserve being spoken to like this?

BCBird · 31/03/2024 14:13

Know your worth. He needs to.be gone

TheSandgroper · 31/03/2024 14:34

One way to make friends.

Start walking in the morning. Find a route that suits you. If you are in the same place at the same time on a regular basis, you will find others doing the same. Start with a good morning, then a few comments, and you find you have acquaintances and that can develop into friendship.

It does take time but it’s a start. And then a regular community commitment, if you can. If you think you will stay where you are for a while, then just make your face part of the local life. Good luck.

BirthdayRainbow · 31/03/2024 14:37

If he is still there I would be tempted to ring 101 and say you've asked him to leave, he's threatened to burn the house down and he is taking hours to pack.

Once he has gone please organise to get the locks changed.

Please let us know you are safe.

Gettingonmygoat · 31/03/2024 14:57

Please make sure you change the locks.

Chonk · 31/03/2024 14:59

You should definitely report that threat to the police, and get the locks changed asap.

alpenguin · 31/03/2024 15:01

When somebody shows you who they truly are, believe them first time.

He will in small underhanded ways be contributing to your poor mental health and probably is holding you back from making friends. When you don’t have his toxic safety net you’ll have to go meet people somehow even if online.

you deserve way better than this OP.

i hope you’re ok

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 31/03/2024 15:04

@CoralHedgehog please kick him out now! dont wait, your mental health is more important than he will ever be!! my grand daughter dumped her boyfriend when he said those words to her, she has been struggling with grief since losing her mum 4 years ago at only 11 years old!

totallybonkerswarning · 31/03/2024 15:08

You're welcome to send me a PM whenever you're down. 😊

WoodBurningStov · 31/03/2024 15:33

If he threatens anything like burning the house down or makes you feel unsafe in any way, call the police and they will kindly help him leave

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 31/03/2024 16:00

Phone the police to log what he said. That way were he evil enough to do anything, it’ll be a fuck sight easier to nail the horrible cunt to the wall.

Houseplantmad · 31/03/2024 16:04

I hope he’s gone by now and good riddance. You don’t need anyone like that in your life.
Now take some time to invest in yourself. Do some out of comfort zone activities - join a walking group or something else that you would enjoy. An evening class perhaps. Start a book group?!

anxioussister · 31/03/2024 16:20

I don’t know where you’re based - but https://www.llgc.co.uk/ is SO great if you’re in or near any of the places they run events

Well done for taking back your power and getting rid of him - I hope you feel stronger and more in control once he’s gone.

Home | The Lonely Girls Club

The Lonely Girls Club is the community helping people meet-up, hang out, make friends and make life less lonely.

https://www.llgc.co.uk/

juice92 · 31/03/2024 16:39

I would ditch him. Someone I know was with a woman who had (undiagnosed) Bipolar when they got together, the longer they were together and the longer she went undiagnosed the worse she got. Instead of encouraging her to go to the doctor he would say the sort of thing your partner is saying. It made her worse, in the end someone else recognised something was wrong and took her to the doctor and she got the help she needed. This was only after she'd made terrible decisions and put herself in dangerous situations as a result of the untreated bipolar. Once she was diagnosed he was no better and she got rid. Even now years on he does not see that the way he treated her was appalling.

She is now well, happily married with a child, a house and a job she loves. He is single and skint living in a house share. People like this don't change.

Move on.

Deardear17 · 31/03/2024 16:42

OP how are you? Is everything ok? X

MissPeachyKeen · 31/03/2024 16:42

CoralHedgehog · 30/03/2024 23:05

I'm rubbish at making friends. I've always been rubbish at making friends, even before I met him.

Show quote history

So was I at 20, I got better at it and there's no reason you won't too.

Glad you've told him to go - any more threats to your safety, call the police.

cellfish · 31/03/2024 16:51

Has he gone now?