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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move to Thailand

49 replies

Burna · 30/03/2024 21:52

For Various reasons my marriage is over. I don't want to sell our house because I don't want DC to lose their home.

I haven't worked for a long time and if I did get a job it would be very low paying as my qualifications are not great.

I have spent a lot of time in Thailand and could afford to buy a place there with our savings. I love it there, my mental health isn't great but find I am so at peace when I'm there.

My DC are 22 & 20 would it be awful if I moved away? I love them so much but also am aware they will want to follow their own paths , but should I stick around incase they need me?
Im 53!years old but feel like I haven't even lived yet.

OP posts:

BartiRum · 30/03/2024 21:56

I don’t believe it’s possible to buy a house in Thailand unless you are married to a Thai national. Although maybe it’s changed in the last few years…
perhaps go on an extended holiday, exploring other places such as Bali, Malaysia etc, who knows what opportunities you will find if you are open minded?! Best of luck!!

RawBloomers · 30/03/2024 21:58

Have you looked into the legal side of it? Visas? How you would support yourself? I was under the impression foreigners were not allowed to buy property in Thailand?

Clearinguptheclutter · 30/03/2024 21:58

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but I don’t think you can just move to Thailand unless you have a particular kind of visa which will be tied to your work. Have you looked into this?

I know someone who was there for decades and never able to buy property for reasons pp described.

BreakfastAtMimis · 30/03/2024 22:00

Assuming you're a UK national, I'm pretty sure you can't just move to Thailand just like that.

EasterBunnny · 30/03/2024 22:00

Could you rent a place for a few months each year instead?

CatAdvice101 · 30/03/2024 22:03

Since the OP is over 50 it's relatively easy to get a retirement visa to live in Thailand but you need to deposit around £65k in a Thai account for the duration of the visa. You can buy leasehold property such as an apartment/condo in a development, but you can't own a landed property

Abouttimeforanamechange · 30/03/2024 22:08

I don't want to sell our house because I don't want DC to lose their home.

Won't your DC be wanting to move out and have their own homes in the next few years? If you sell, you might be able to put a sum of money aside to help them when they get to that point (but only what you can afford, your own housing needs must come first.)

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to build a new life separately from your adult DC, but you need to be practical and think long term. Possible healthcarre needs, for example.

samarrange · 30/03/2024 22:10

One of the reasons you feel at peace when you are there is that you are (presumably) on holiday. You have no responsibilities. You don't have to buy groceries or pay the water bill or find someone to mend a leaking roof.

Moving to a different continent where you (again, presumably) can't speak a word of the main language or indeed read the alphabet may not be the wisest decision in the first year or so after your marriage coming to an end. You might wake up one morning feeling very, very lonely. As a minimum, don't buy property until you have lived there for at least a year.

Newsenmum · 30/03/2024 22:11

I think you need to wait for the dust to settle. This is never a time ri make such a massive decision. Travel. Travel travel travel.

EverybodyLTB · 30/03/2024 22:12

You can do things like go in and out/cross the border and go to an embassy every three months if you’re just trying it out as a long staying tourist. Living and buying a house is more complicated and probably not even worth buying property, financially you’d be better off renting, plus that would allow flexibility to move to avoid monsoons etc. in terms of your kids, a lot more detail would be needed to know if they’d be ok if you moved. I left home at 16 and so did most of my friends, but always had the ‘family home’ to drop into (although I never did). If you wanted to essentially become a backpacker off the half of the house proceeds. I’d be checking residency rules and NI contributions for pension, and looking at high interest savings accounts to put the house sale money in and living in a cheap country/ies, rather than buying abroad anywhere.

Possiblyfamous · 30/03/2024 22:14

Have a look at websites such as workaway - they offer all sorts great opportunities for travel with bed and board offered in return for a couple of hours work a day. The world is your oyster!

Original poster

Burna · 30/03/2024 22:23

Thank you for your replies, my question is about the moral aspect rather than the legalities of moving.
I know how I can purchase a property and the. Reason im thinking of Thailand is because I love it there and it is very cheap.

But is it wrong to leave my children to go and live in another continent ?

OP posts:

Testina · 30/03/2024 22:27

But how can anyone here know your children better than you?
I know a 20+ aged adults who would feel abandoned and devastated, and their sibling who’d be planning to visit and commending you on living your best life. I also know a young adult who wouldn’t want you to go because they genuinely still need parental support, and another who is thoroughly selfish and their annoyance would be pure self interest.
What would your children think?

samarrange · 30/03/2024 22:29

But is it wrong to leave my children to go and live in another continent ?

I don't think it's morally wrong in the sense that it would cause 95% of people to vote YABU. It's between you and your DCs.

Have you asked them? If not, is it because you think they would say "Please don't, Mum" and you would probably do it anyway? How would you feel about only seeing them perhaps twice a year?

EasterBunnny · 30/03/2024 22:30

My DC are a bit older and I wouldn’t do it, I’m 55 and finally have time for myself, I’ve found travelling to new places has been good for me.

endofthelinefinally · 30/03/2024 22:34

You need a LOT of money to live in Thailand if you are a foreign national. As pp said you need to deposit a big chunk in a bank account, you need proof of regular income, you need to buy an expensive visa and renew it every year and you have to purchase private medical insurance.
I know someone who has lived there for 20 years with his partner (also British) and he was recently having a good old grumble about having to comply with all the above, even after 20 years. They are both very well off and retired on large pensions, but as they get older, their health insurance will get more expensive.
Maybe you could join a voluntary program overseas and spend some time travelling while you research a bit more? Keep your options open?

Trooi · 30/03/2024 22:37

Have you discussed it with them that would be the starting point and if you/they are willing to visit and if that’s a stopper if you/they can’t?

Clearinguptheclutter · 31/03/2024 11:05

Burna · 30/03/2024 22:23

But is it wrong to leave my children to go and live in another continent ?

No.
but look into things like your access to pension and nhs treatment when/if you come back (after checking the legalities or whether you go can realistically go in the first place)

also think about how you’d feel if grandchildren came along.

PrincessOlga · 31/03/2024 12:08

Bit concerning at wrong advice on this thread. OP, you would qualify for the retirement visa as you are over 50. You can use an agency to "prove" you have funds. You do not even need to live in Thailand the whole year (before extending for another year). If I were you, I would go out there for a couple of months first of all. You are probably better off renting, as good serviced apartments are cheap in Bangkok. As you probably know, you can buy a condo as a foreigner, but I still think renting is better. Other posters, please read OP's post carefully (she is 53) and answer accordingly.

araiwa · 31/03/2024 12:29

Go for it

ginasevern · 31/03/2024 17:18

OP, I don't need to tell you that going on holiday is very different to actually living in another country, especially when there is such a cultural difference. As for the moral dilemma, only you know your children. I'm assuming from your post that they will stay in your UK home, so they will have stability and won't be out on the streets. I would personally give the idea a test drive. Rent somewhere in Thailand for maybe a year (if that's possible) and deal with the real nitty gritty of life there. Also make sure you can afford private health insurance. This is very important as I don't think you'd be eligible for their NHS equivalent. The grass isn't always greener but you won't know until you try.

BringMeTea · 31/03/2024 17:28

Perfectly ok morally. Life is short. It doesn't have to be forever. Why not go and rent for 6 months first and see how you feel? I also LOVE Thailand so understand why you might want to move there. Plus, the UK has gone to hell in a handcart. Good luck!

KateCrusader · 01/04/2024 02:50

Can you afford to move there without selling your house?

Apologies that this is nothing to do with your moral situation, but I’d think about the potential long term implications. I know someone who did this (and married a Thai national). She is now ill with cancer and can’t afford to pay for healthcare there, but also can’t afford to move back to the UK (and use the NHS for treatment). In the period she has been away the cost of housing here has gone up so much that her only option is to move in with a relative.

But morally? Go for it. You only live once!

HummingbirdChandelier · 01/04/2024 03:24

It’s perfectly reasonable. Your DCs are grown, your work there is done! It’s your time now.

Id try to make sure you had funds to return if it didn’t work out for any reason, but better to try than not. Good luck

BusterGonad · 01/04/2024 03:31

I wouldn't. It may well seem cheap but it isn't. Living in Thailand is a miserable existence, it's nothing like being on holiday. You'll be shafted by the visa agents left right and centre. You sound like you're on the rebound, take some time to do nice things, get your mojo back and rethink in 6 months to a year's time.

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