To move to Thailand

[Burna]

For Various reasons my marriage is over. I don't want to sell our house because I don't want DC to lose their home.

I haven't worked for a long time and if I did get a job it would be very low paying as my qualifications are not great.

I have spent a lot of time in Thailand and could afford to buy a place there with our savings. I love it there, my mental health isn't great but find I am so at peace when I'm there.

My DC are 22 & 20 would it be awful if I moved away? I love them so much but also am aware they will want to follow their own paths , but should I stick around incase they need me?
Im 53!years old but feel like I haven't even lived yet.

Give it a go! Your role as a parent is to prepare your offspring to leave you and be independent. They’re adults and you’re looking after their accomodation. Hopefully, they’re about to fly and live their own lives. If Thailand doesn’t work out, that’s fine, you’ve got a fall back. There’s a reasonable expat community in some Thai areas. Lots of families live remote to one another - it doesn’t mean that they’re still not close.

Why not rent out your place in the UK (so it’s there to come back to if you want) and rent somewhere in Thailand? That’s the obvious solution for the time being at least.

I love Thailand too !

I believe that you need £20k for a 1 year visa
or
Nothing to declare, for 30 days & go in & out of the country/border & back again

You would be better doing it now at 53, than 83 when your health fails
At 53 you can enjoy yourself

Rent out your UK property to pay for your travels in Thailand
Rent on your travels

Gap years are not just for the youngsters

I also suggest visiting Malaysia, Indonesia, Vietnam too

Goodluck

Honestly, this sounds like a bit of a lazy and entitled approach. You don't want to have to work and budget for your lifestyle in the UK, so you'll just move to a cheaper country.

I think it's a great idea to spend a year travelling. But then, get back to reality. The reality of living in a less developed country isn't the reality of holidays. Immigrant/expat life is hard work - and I speak as someone who moved to a highly developed non-English-speaking country where I do speak the language.

What about when you're trying to access healthcare without the local language? What about when you don't see your DC for years as you don't have money for the flights and travel insurance? What about when your existing friendships drop away as you haven't seen people for years? Where will you stay if you visit the UK - will you always have to rely on your DC hosting you? And what about when their DCs are born - will you want to spend longer with them as a grandparent? Of course you don't HAVE to be involved in your DC's lives, but deciding to take yourself to another country with a 6? hour time difference is going to massively impact your relationship with them.

Give it a go, life is short and your children can visit, and vice versa. You’ve devoted years to raising them so be selfish for once

It’s not wrong, you have every right to do the best thing for you. But my nephew lives in Thailand and my sister probably only sees him once a year, if that. She has no problem with him living overseas, but does miss him, and it’s very expensive to get there. So I think the question is how much will you miss them?

Now is the time to do it! Your children are grown enough, and they will be striking out on their own and starting new chapters, it's time for you to do the same. I would be there like a shot! Have fun lady 😀

How recently have you been? I have family who live there and went back last year, they left at the start of the pandemic and it's changed a lot since the pandemic started.

You can't just go in and out forever, you need a valid visa to live in thailand. Also going in and out cost money. Each 30 days you pay £45 to extend, every other time you'll pay for a boarder run, or flight out, so realistically about £100 every other month too. Soon enough immigration will put a stop to it and refuse you an extension. Especially Bangkok immigration.

Yes, for me it's morally wrong to leave young adults and go and live in another continent

I live in Thailand

If you're over 50 you can apply for a retirement visa which is renewable yearly. The financial requirement is that you can show a savings balance of at least 800,000 baht or an income of at least 65,000 baht a month.

I wouldn't buy a place to live in until you have lived here for a couple of years. There are plenty of affordable places you can rent. Try renting in different cities and find your perfect place that way. Good luck!

I wouldn't say it's morally wrong. However your kids are still just young adults and experience would say they still need you for a few years yet. Once they are set up in their careers and financially more stable and more mature I would say go for it but I'd give it another few years before you make the move.
You've every right to live your life but I would hold off doing anything until the kids are more settled.

So you don't want to sell your house as you don't want your adult DC to lose their home, but you also want to move to Thailand? There seems to be a disconnect here. Are you thinking of renting out the FMH and using that as income to support your new life overseas? Have you spoken to them about it?

I’m 53 too and my kids are 22 and 21. I doubt I could ever move far away, but if they were to move away from me, I would be okay with that. That’s how it’s supposed to be.

I’m a similar age and don’t agree with this at all. I’ve devoted myself to my DCs and when they’re up I’m not hanging about!

You'll just be in a different place which I doubt will help.your mental health long term. You'll also need to donate significant amount of travel home to see your kids and consider if you want to be there when they have their own kids.

Personally I think it's a bit off to just up sticks after your divorce and I would stay for a year or so to make sure my kids dont have too much change at once and to take time to settle on a firm plan for myself.

I mean if you want to why not? If you don’t will you regret it? I’m assuming your children can stand on their 2 feet day to day. Would you be able to come back sometimes and then come to see you?

Do it. Personally I would go to Laos. It is not expensive.

Well, I don't think it's morally wrong to move away from your adult children. Personally, I wouldn't want to do that, but each to their own.

You do need to think about the practicalities. Not only visas etc but also things like healthcare - you will need really good private insurance to cover you as you won't be eligible for treatment on the NHS if you're no longer resident in the UK.

We know someone younger than you who did this after divorce but she doesn’t have children.

It’s worked for her but like many emigrants it became hard with aging parents in the U.K. Also, as someone else has said, are you happy to miss out on your grandchildren if they come along? Don’t rely on them prioritising their income and time on dragging toddlers and children on long haul flights to hot and humid climes to visit grandma.

The woman we know is able to earn a very good income remotely so she is not living off savings. She lives in Chang Mai and there are a lot of British immigrants there and it is beautiful. We loved it when we travelled round Thailand.

The language is a challenge; she is very intelligent and has attended classes but her Thai remains very limited. It’s a tonal language and so different from Indo-European languages that it is difficult to acquire in adulthood. I’m not sure I’d be happy living somewhere where I wasn’t competent in the language. That said my husband has very little Portuguese and we live in Portugal but he does have me to help if needed. Even in tourist areas in popular tourist countries you will find that public functionaries, nurses etc do not all have English so you do ideally need the language.

I wouldn’t be happy personally to have all my money invested or sunk into Thai assets. The country is quite autocratic and laws on property ownership and foreign assets could change and leave you high and dry. If you can afford to live in Thailand and retain some investments or property in the U.K. then that would reduce your risk somewhat.

Definitely rent for a year or two first. If it doesn’t work out: well you’ll have had a fantastic adventure and experience. If you end up staying you’ll probably have saved yourself from a number of costly mistakes.

Sorry, I’ve just reread your posts and morally I think it’s fine.

You say you have poor qualifications: would doing a CELTA course in teaching English as a foreign language be something that would interest you? You wouldn’t earn a lot but at least something in the local currency and equally importantly it would be a great way of meeting Thai and foreign people in your destination. You can do intensive courses over a month in the U.K. or over a longer period. Personally I loved the course and teaching despite having no desire to go into teaching in schools as a career choice growing up or in leaving university. It’s very different.

My eldest is 20 and still values my support and input as a sounding board, chief cheerleader and moral support. My relationship with him is moving onto a more adult footing in a really positive way. I wouldn’t choose to move away to another continent when my DC were the same age as yours. I probably leave it a couple more years.

Echoing others in saying to travel for a bit and see how you feel being away for a long period of time. I don't think moving far away is morally wrong in any way. There are lots of practical things though you need to think about as pp have said.

Wherever you live you need to do your homework about visas, other legal issues, reciprocal pension arrangements, cost of living, medical insurance. There is some bad, or out of date, advice around even on this thread. For example you can no longer do unlimited visa runs across the border with Thailand. They have cracked down on that. It's now only 3 land entrees per calendar year by land. Although it's unlimited by air. You can still be refused entry though if they think you're taking the piss.

There’s a Facebook page for solo female travellers over 50 that’s great and good for advice