To think my boyfriend cancelling plans with my family is out of order?

[WishingUponARainbow]

Basically the title - we have agreed to go to my mum's for a roast tomorrow as it's (obviously) Easter, but whilst I was at work today OH messaged me to inform me his aunty has invited us round for a late lunch which he has decided to go to instead and would I be coming too?

Am I being totally unreasonable to be fucking livid?
This is now the 4th or 5th time he has cancelled plans with my family because he has had 'a better offer' and he is being totally ignorant to how rude he is being. My mum is already convinced he doesn't like them and now I am too.

His sister and husband will be there with their son and newborn baby so can understand wanting to see them - I would like to see them too. However why couldn't he say 'I've already agreed to XYZ so would it be okay if I came round a bit later to see you all' there is no compromise with him and I'm fucking sick of it.
It's fucking embarrassing having to turn up to plans again and make excuses for him because he'd rather do something else than spend a few hours with my family.

Currently in the bath stewing on whether to stay at my mums tonight in protest.

once this holiday is over, it’s time for a serious conversation about how he sees your future working. Does he plan on acting this way if you have children? Does he understand that balancing both extended families is generally considered part of being in an adult relationship?

if something doesn’t miraculously click from that conversation, you need to make some decisions before you have children with this man and end up tied to him in one way or another for the rest of your life.

Rude and disrespectful. I had a bf like this. I felt that my family were always bottom of the priority list. It split us up in the end.

It's a shit way of him telling you how he feels about you.

Explain to him that he can't cancel plans like this and he has a choice.

Or keep putting up with this nonsense forever.

👌 he is so rude.

I would find this so disrespectful and rude.

Wow that is so rude

Does he do this with anyone else, or just your family?
It doesn't really matter either way, it's still rude

Perhaps he wasn't brought up with any manners so you need to explain to him that when you accept an invitation you need to stick to it.

I couldn't live with this.

he is disrespectful to you. tell then, all the other times he has been disrespectful to you.

can't believe you bought a house with someone like him. or what has changed in him?

@WishingUponARainbow

Thanks everyone for your advice and judgement on my relationship but I didn't ask if you think I should leave him (which I don't want to - he has his good points too). I asked if I'm justified in being pissed off about the situation. Which you all unanimously agree. So thanks all for your feedback.

So in what other ways does this fine specimen put himself first and expect you to go along with it?

I'd bet my last mascara that ditching your family isn't the only example.

Well he doesn’t care about what you want or how his selfish behaviour makes you feel, and he’s a hypocrite. So presumably his other great qualities make this issue less significant than you suggested and as he’s unlikely to change you’ll get used to it 🤷‍♀️

It's fucking embarrassing having to turn up to plans again and make excuses for him because he'd rather do something else than spend a few hours with my family.

Yes, you're right to he pissed off.
He's fine with not turning up though because it's not him being embarrassed as you cover him by making the excuses.

Tell him you'll not be going to his Aunt's house as previous plans still stand.

you should always honour the first plans made unless there’s an emergency. Your mum I’m sure will have already brought enough to feed however many she’s feeding that’s money wasted.

me personally I’d say you either come to my mums as planned and agreed, we can go to your family after or you don’t come to my mums but I swear it will be the last time you will come to a family gathering as I cannot and will not be embarrassed because you are unreliable.

I can’t imagine allowing a guy to think his family took priority over mine. If I’d catered for a set number and they cancelled for such a reason I’d be really hurt. Why is he okay with hurting your mum? I’m not sure you’re angry enough.

sounds like he doesnt like them-has there been any incidents

it must be bad to go and see someone he also doesnt like

Ah well. See you in here next time he pees you off.

Your feelings and thought process about this situation is completely fair.

As for your husband....... I feel like there are deeper issues to be worried about and this behavior is only the surface of it. I would be contemplating staying in this marriage. He clearly has no regard for anyone but himself.

Absolute no-no. If you have accepted an invitation, you do not say 'oh well I have a better offer now'. Very rude.