To not throw my 1 year old a birthday party?

[elm26]

I'm feeling like a really shit mum right now and hoping some of you might agree with me to make me feel a bit better!

DD turns 1 in May, we have two holidays booked, one either side of her birthday. One in Devon for the week and one in Spain with friends and their children for a week.

I see all of these lovely 1st birthday parties all over my instagram and Facebook, balloon arches, big cake, pretty party dress, food, photographer etc. and it makes me feel bad that we can't afford to do this with both holidays booked. I had a quote for a Teletubbies cake for 30 people and was way over what I thought it would cost originally (although totally reasonable, takes skill and a lot of time to make a cake and with the detail too), with presents, hiring a hall, balloon arches, food, bouncy castle etc for the older kids we'd be looking at £500+.

I feel like she deserves the very best but we are just having 11 of our close family and friends over for a slice of cake and a cuppa on her birthday.

I feel like I'm letting her down by not having a big celebration but we just cannot afford it as well as the holidays and we've just moved house.

Is this down to seeing all of these big elaborate parties on in social media, or am I just a shite Mum?! I feel quite upset about it!

She won’t care or remember that she didn’t have a fancy expensive party.

First birthdays are for adults…cake and a cuppa is perfect. Save the bouncy castle and all the rest for when she’s old enough to enjoy it.

To add we had a fairly normal day visiting family for DS’s 1st. Although we had fireworks as his birthday is v close to bonfire night.

We went to the oceanarium and then open house for tea and cake for people who wanted to celebrate with us

I never bothered about first birthdays, or second - the children dont remember or care

It was my 1 year olds birthday last month.I took her to b'n'm shopping with me,then we had a Aldi caterpillar birthday cake afterwards.She had a great day 😂

'I feel like she deserves the very best but we are just having 11 of our close family and friends over for a slice of cake and a cuppa on her birthday'

Well, that's a party in my book! And one which she'll probably enjoy a lot more than some huge Instagram-inspired occasion. One-year-olds are usually not keen on strangers and near-strangers.

She won't remember it. Do what you can afford and ignore the show-offs.

The first birthday is for you to celebrate getting through the first year. The baby does not know it's their birthday, will not appreciate a balloon arch etc and will not remember any of it. First birthdays are entirely for parents.

The big party is fine if that's what the parents want. A holiday is fine. A small party is fine. No party is fine. Leaving your baby with Grandma and going out for a date night with your partner is fine. It's your day! Do what you want.

Cake and a cuppa with family is perfect for a first birthday ❤️ (My older daughter had her 1st birthday during one of the lockdowns and in hindsight it was glorious - we had a walk to the park, went on the swings and then had birthday cake at home, no pressure on her or us - perfect!)

I'm always at kids parties these days! Never a proper big party for a 1yr old however.

I always just had family friends over with party food cake and balloons for their first few birthdays. What your having sounds like a party to me and perfect for their age.

Once they get to 3 or 4 then fine we have proper parties every year for them.

Don't feel guilty at age 1 it's not for the kid but for the adults and in my opinion it's a waste of money having a big party at that age. They have no idea what's going on and won't remember it.

That’s completely fine!
We had a party for my one year old but it was partly because the older generations were peeved at the lack of christening.
Cake and a cuppa IS a first birthday party.

11 people and a cake is plenty! Take a photo so she can 'remember' when she's older.

Do not feel like a bad parent, OP.

Agree 11 and cake is a party; anything else is overkill at 1 anyway.

Stop looking at the set up Instagram photos. It's bullshit. No 1 yr old ever turned round to their parents and thanked them for a picture perfect 1st birthday party.
We had a family picnic for my granddaughters 1st bday. She slept through the whole thing.
You have organised the only thing needed - family, friends & cake. Maybe get a 1st birthday balloon and some bunting but it's not necessary. And remember, Instagram is for posers.

Save the big expensive parties for when she’s old enough to enjoy them. Both of my kids just got a homemade cake with immediate family and a couple of small presents (sometimes hand me downs) until they were three or four and old enough to care. Even then I’ve never done a massive “instagram type” party with balloon arches and photographers and neither have any of the families we hang out with or any of my kids’ school friends. I don’t feel like they’ve missed out.

God we’re not we’re having family over and will get a cake but that’s all….. maybe some bubble fireworks I’ve seen on Amazon as bubbles are her favourite thing ever 🤣 but not bothering with anything else as she won’t remember!

We couldn’t afford much for DS first birthday, but we did have a uk holiday that year which we had grandparents and great aunt with us, fantastic memories were had that year. At most I would get a supermarket cake and invite a few family members over.

Having 11 round for a cake is a party in my book! A one year old doesn’t care about balloon arches (actually, does anyone really? Older kids just want to play with normal balloons that cost peanuts!). Never known anyone have a photographer either, you can take photos, you can dress her in something nice if you want to, all the other stuff is for instagram and doesn’t mean anything to a child. Give yourself a break!

We spent it at a zoo, just the 3 of us. No need to have a party for a 1st birthday.

It sounds to me thats what most normal people do for a first birthday, tea or something stronger and a bit of cake celebrate getting through that first year! Not the insta-mum stuff, that's not normal in my book, not the best use of £500 IMHO

DS turns one next week. We're literally just having grandparents over for lunch, then taking him to the sea life centre on his actual birthday. He doesn't even know it's his birthday, it's more about celebrating us as parents! Looking forward to a nice lunch after the sea life centre!

I don't feel like a shit mum. 1st birthdays come at the end of maternity leave generally, not sure how people afford all the photo op stuff.

You are having a birthday party! Social media really has fucked us all hasn’t it? Enjoy your beautiful one year old.

For DD's first birthday, she had her first chocolate cake - what more do you need? Cake and a cuppa is fine. Five years ago most of us hadn't heard of balloon arches. Specially decorated cakes are not compulsory either.

I can maybe understand feeling you need to do what everyone else does when children are older, but a one year old won't care. (And actually, it's not "everyone else"; it's only the crazy expensive ones that have photos on social media.)

Our little girl is adopted and moved in with us when she was about 15 months. Because she's adopted I wanted photos to show her later, so that sue can know she is utterly adored (as that is a bit more complicated with adopted children). But even then when she was 2 I got a balloon from Clinton's and a nice cake. A small family party. When she is older she will be able to look at photos of her playing with the balloon, and pictures of a few gifts and a cake. She will be happy with that.

What you have planned is perfect. Take a few photos of her with some extended family and she'll love it.