To feel slightly uncomfortable with this

[bagpuss90]

I’ve found out that my friend puts me on loud speaker when her partners there . She told me she does it to save her telling him something afterwards. They are very general chit chats - absolutely nothing he shouldn’t hear. My friend and I have never fallen out - so it’s not like she needs a “witness” to our conversations , we also chat a lot when he’s not there. I guess it doesn’t really matter - but it would never occur to me to do that . It’s made me feel slightly uncomfortable tho

He sounds like a controlling twat

He evidently insists on listening. I hate being on speaker and would refuse to have the conversation.

I wouldn’t go along with this. Only speak to her on the phone when he isn’t there, or say at the beginning of the conversation that you don’t want to be on speaker. It isn’t right to put someone on speaker without telling them first. I suspect he makes her do it.

I’m a bit concerned he’s being controlling

I wouldn't like it either. If they are in the car when you call, fair enough. But not as a matter of habit all the time.

Not sure why the first few comments have decided its at the blokes insistence. Literally no evidence of that from what you've said. Most blokes I know would rather not be listening to their partners inane conversations with their mates.

YANBU. I would find that unbearably weird. Why does he have to be privy to your conversation? I hate being on speaker too unless I am certain the other person is alone. DS did it to me recently - put me on speaker phone but didn't tell me his GF was there until a few days later. We didn't discuss anything particularly personal but it left me feeling uncomfortable. Every participant in a conversation should have the right to veto anyone else listening in, regardless of subject matter.

None of his business what you talk about. Deffo wouldn’t stand for that

Ring when she’s alone.

He can’t control that.

Please explain how he is being controlling?

I agree with @meganorks that there's no evidence that this is happening at his insistence. It could well be that she is the one driving this weird situation! I honestly cannot imagine DH asking to listen in on my chats unless there was something afoot that I needed a witness to. And even then, I think I would have to heavily persuade him!

My SIL is like that. If I call I'll ask if her husband's there. If he is, he or she will say so. I then stay on the phone for just a few minutes. I can't stand it because he doesn't say anything otherwise and is obviously just listening. If I know he's out, I'll call for a longer chat.

This kind of behaviour is often the start of limiting who you have contact with - monitoring conversations, telling you that the friend is a bad influence, they were being rude etc.

It’s the start of isolating you.

The op put that she decided to do it I saw no mention of him mentioning it?

It's controlling if you can't have a private conversation without your partner listening in. It's different in a way if they join in on the conversation, but if they are just listening then that isn't allowing either woman her privacy.

I completely understand this but nowhere has the OP stated that it is the male partner's insistence. So whilst you are completely correct (sadly have personal experience in a relationship many many years ago) we don't know whether it's him or her that's creating this situation. Some people are very gossipy and want to share everything about their lives and everyone else's with anyone who will listen!

Absolutely unacceptable. My work colleague puts his wife on speakerphone without telling her I'm there, I'd be fkn furious if my DP did this.

It's basic manners never to put someone on speakerphone without telling them. Honestly I'd never chat to her on the phone again.

Unless you were also his close friend I can't imagine any other reason he'd want to do this. If that was the case you'd be talking to him and him to you too. If you put someone on speaker you should tell them they're on speaker and who else is listening.

This.

I only found out because he texted me about something my friend and I had been talking about while I was still in the phone to her. I’m not sure she would tell me if he was insisting on it . I’m honestly not sure …..

I'd be mentioning it so he knows I know.

Have you got me on loudspeaker? Turn it off or I'm hanging up.
What the fk does X want to listen to our conversation for?
Take me off loudspeaker.
(direct to him) "do you like listening to conversations you perve, fk off"
if I wanted a conversation with your perve partner I'd ring him direct.

Shame is one way forward

I can’t think what parts of our chats she would need to tell him anyway!

Well people like that don't want their partners having a private life. It doesn't matter that you talk about soap operas or whatever and he has no interest in that. He's keeping an eye on her in every way he can.

Wait, he texted you while you were still talking to her? That’s very much not normal.
He has no need or reason to listen to her conversations anyway.

My sister always uses loud speaker, doesn't bother me but then I have nothing to hide?

I think permission should be asked for loud speaker