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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Keeping sons money

85 replies

Piggybankme · 30/03/2024 08:10

I am a mother to a DS with disabilities. He's turned 18 and gets pip. I've been giving him an allowance from his pip money and saving the rest for him in an account of mine that I don't use. It's accrued a nice amount for his future but here is where I wonder if IABU.
I wanted to open him an ISA in his own name but I know he's probably going to need to claim UC in the near future and it would disqualify him as its over 16k
That PIP money is given because of the difficulty he has in life. I've saved it up for him so that he will have a bit of a buffer because he is more likely to need it than someone who can easily get work etc.
I don't like having his money in my name but I don't see another option. AIBU for keeping this money but earmarked for him. Obviously it would be complicated if I die as my other DC would technically be entitled to half. Arrggh my mind is all over the place. I just want to do everything possible to help my DS. Please be kind. He is entitled to the PIP and could have spent it all every month. Perhaps that's my mistake.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 30/03/2024 21:00

floatnest · 30/03/2024 20:45

I am an appointee for my disabled son who gets PIP and UC. His benefits get paid into his own account and pay for his general living costs and bills like his phone. He lives at home with me (and is unlikely to move out for the foreseeable) so he pays a standing order to my bank account towards the house bills and food costs, and a payment towards housing costs. I have also set up a private pension for him so he can pay into that, £2880 a year, and it doesn't count as savings towards UC. I don't save for him but I have my own savings in my own name which I would be willing to support him with if he had any major unexpected expenses.

Private pension is an excellent idea

Original poster
Piggybankme · 30/03/2024 22:58

For those mentioning private pension, thank you. I will help him to start paying into one of those. I think I'll also trial him having a little more responsibility of his pip allowance but under guidance. See how he manages. Also for anyone wondering how I can afford to put anything aside on my part time wage, DH has a decent job and we have a low rent.

Thank you all so much for your advice and views. It's been helpful

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 31/03/2024 20:53

Winter2020 · 30/03/2024 14:22

Just to re-iterate it is not OP's money it is her adult child's money to be managed and spent in his best interest.

Show quote history

Legally it's the OP's money. When you claim PIP for a child it is to counteract the possible poverty caused by caring for a disabled child. Every penny doesn't have to be spent on the child, as such. The OP has built a savings account in her name. I doubt that she has neglected her son, so money has been spent on him. It is only when he turned 18, then it becomes his and the OP can set how much he gives her for keep.

Babyroobs · 31/03/2024 20:57

colouredball · 30/03/2024 08:24

Honestly? No you shouldn't be squirrelling away his money so he can claim further benefits. The disability factor really isn't too relevant here, having someone hold on to a load of savings in their name so you can claim UC is fraud. It is an unfortunate situation, but the reality is people should not be claiming benefits if they have huge amounts of savings.

Edited

This. The money is to be spent on the extra costs of his disability. If you are not using it for that purpose to the extent it is building up to over 16k then he doesn't need to claim UC until it drops below that figure does he ?

Babyroobs · 31/03/2024 21:00

Winter2020 · 30/03/2024 10:46

This comment isn't intended to be a criticism of you - I know you have done your best. This comment is intended to be purely about the future and where you go from here. It is meant kindly.

You are creating a financial mess for yourself and your son. His PIP is money for his needs which you are his appointee for (I assume). You are spending some of your own money on his needs so then saying we'll it's not simply his money ....

You need to separate the two things. Imagine you were told today that in 12 months your son's finances and your behaviour as appointee are being audited. What would you do differently?

Whether that money hits an account in your name or your son's (which I think you would need power of attorney from the court of protection to manage so is perhaps not feasible at this time) it needs to be kept separate and managed appropriately.

You need to be confident that if the authorities ask you "can you show me how you, as your son's appointee, have managed his pip. You can reply "Yes - here is the account his pip goes into. Here is what he has spent it on (records/book/budgeting app).

Under your current system if a day service/ social worker/anonymous tip off accuses you of financial exploitation and you are asked to demonstrate how your son's PIP is being used what are you going yo be able to show them to demonstrate that your son is not being exploited?

You must also remember that you are managing the money on behalf of your son - and he should be included/his wishes paramount in any decisions. You say he might work so he has a good degree of capacity. You should help him manage his money- not take over. So if he wishes to buy a holiday or a computer and you would prefer him to save his money you need to discuss it and try to help him see the consequences of his decision but an adult has the right to make a bad or risky decision.

Edited

Great and sensible advice,

Babyroobs · 31/03/2024 21:03

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 30/03/2024 12:51

Why are you trying to cheat the system?
Your OP is written in a very gentle, sympathetic, cheery manner but what you're ultimately doing is fraudulently keeping your son's benefits, which are designed to help him with his disability, in an account in your own name. Whatever your positive intentions, for all intents and purposes you have stolen his money. And you are doing this so your family can defraud the benefits system further, by pretending you don't have 16k+ stashed away so he can claim UC as well. The benefits agency do have the authority to check bank accounts of benefits claimants now and if this is found out you can expect to be taken to court. This is pretty serious stuff and your claiming to be a nice lady won't make any difference to the actual facts which will absolutely be used against you.

How would anyone actually know it is op's son's money and not hers ? There's absolutely no way of anyone knowing or checking. If op ever needs to claim means tested benefits herself though she won't be able to which is something worth considering.

Winter2020 · 01/04/2024 08:08

Babyroobs · 31/03/2024 21:03

How would anyone actually know it is op's son's money and not hers ? There's absolutely no way of anyone knowing or checking. If op ever needs to claim means tested benefits herself though she won't be able to which is something worth considering.

Show quote history

Because the OP has been receiving her son's PIP and isn't able to account for where it has gone/been spent I assume.

If the spending of the PIP money can be accounted for then the savings can belong to OP no problem.

The PIP is her son's money so it either needs to be spent on him/his costs or saved for him.

Babyroobs · 01/04/2024 10:33

Winter2020 · 01/04/2024 08:08

Because the OP has been receiving her son's PIP and isn't able to account for where it has gone/been spent I assume.

If the spending of the PIP money can be accounted for then the savings can belong to OP no problem.

The PIP is her son's money so it either needs to be spent on him/his costs or saved for him.

Show quote history

No one form DWP would ever check up on this though ? Many many families with children on DLA/ PIP would just put the money into the household pot . DWP would never check up on what it is or isn't being spent on.

Winter2020 · 01/04/2024 18:14

I'm not trying to make out that it is a common thing but people can be and are investigated and prosecuted for fraud for taking the money of a vulnerable person awarded PIP or any other benefit and also for taking their motability car.

The investigation would usually be triggered by a complaint to the police or to a social worker or similar from someone that suspects financial exploitation. This could be a family member, a day service, PA support, a supported living provider - anyone that feels the person does not seem able to access the resources that should be available to them and suspect the money is being taken by others for their use.

Original poster
Piggybankme · 03/04/2024 07:35

Winter2020 · 01/04/2024 18:14

I'm not trying to make out that it is a common thing but people can be and are investigated and prosecuted for fraud for taking the money of a vulnerable person awarded PIP or any other benefit and also for taking their motability car.

The investigation would usually be triggered by a complaint to the police or to a social worker or similar from someone that suspects financial exploitation. This could be a family member, a day service, PA support, a supported living provider - anyone that feels the person does not seem able to access the resources that should be available to them and suspect the money is being taken by others for their use.

I'm not concerned about being audited. I've done nothing wrong and his money is seperate. Never a penny of it has been spent by me and there is a weekly payment made from the pot directly to my son for his incidentals which isn't as much as the whole award because he currently has everything he needs from us due to living at home and not always going out like other teens might. He has his Spotify subscription he pays and the rest is for things he likes. He also has his pocket money like his siblings. Does anyone saying that we're doing wrong for saving this money up for his future needs, think we should be actively trying to spend nearly 700 pounds a month just for the sake of it? That would feel just wrong to me and a massive waste of his money.

OP posts:
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