To be offended by MIL's comments about engagement ring?

[Eebee82]

DP and I recently got engaged. His step-mum - my future MIL - is pushing 80 and has always been very flash. She's never been particularly motherly to DP and every time we see her she manages to talk about herself a lot, make the story about herself and basically trump whatever you say. If you've been to Tenerife, she's been to Elevenerife. If you get a new car, she spent even more on a better one. That kind of person.

She's always had money and is very glamorous. Has lots of nice jewellery, nice clothes and takes pride in her appearance. Her fingers are covered in diamonds - not to my taste but expensive.

We went for dinner with her and FIL for the first time since getting engaged. There was no mention of it. No congratulations, to nod to it when we all cheersed once our drinks arrived etc. Towards the end of the meal I brought up that we'll soon be planning a wedding and she says "oh look [FIL] at her little ring" flashing him my hand. Then follows up with "ah int that sweet".

ABIU to take this as hugely condescending and her way of having another dig? I've taken offence to the "little" and "sweet". I'd never say that to someone recently engaged and think she's just f*ing rude. But AIBU?

‘Bless your heart’ is the Southern equivalent of f you. To go with her Dallas style knuckle armoury.

God yes v rude. Congratulations 💐

You do have to find a way to live with this in the future so I think laughing uproariously is the only way. 'Oh MIL you are a card, I couldn't help wondering what you'd say'

She's a nasty old cow. YANBU to take offence.

Unfortunately there's not much you can say or do to make a difference to the way she is, so it's a case of ignoring the unpleasant comments and don't ever react. That'll hopefully piss her off without you having to do anything 😁

Wow. You and your MIL sound evenly matched and well-suited.

Tbf op (somehow) thought I was being serious 😆

You should have said “well I don’t like flashy; it’s not very classy” and watched the meltdown x

I'm in my 60s and have never asked anyone about a proposal. It surely matters to you, but to nobody else.

This sounds like she has lots of money but little class

To be fair I don't take kindly to a complete stranger telling me I'm up my own arse which is what prompted this but thanks for your opinion.

You should have said 'of course if I had massive sausage hands like yours, I'd have to wear over-sized rings too.'

Kinda missing the point of my original post which is more what this was about!

I think it’s extremely weird and rude that she didn’t congratulate you on your engagement. That would bother me a lot more than the ring thing. She doesn’t sound very nice. Be on your guard around the wedding planning and the day itself so she doesn’t ruin it with “comments”.

yes, I love it, would have hated anything brash and chavvy looking.

Tell her you will upgrade to a bigger one when they die

Savage 😬

she didn't ask because she's the central character... she has no interest in anything that doesn't revolve around her and her exploits. This won't get any better, so what you need to do is have some snippets you can whip out in answer... such as the one person before who suggested the ring was daintly, sweet and to taste rather than brash and extravagant etc.

You need to find her trigger and poke it ever so gently... what pushes her buttons? and poke a little just so she gets a littke triggered...

It's almost like you've met her 🤣

The arseholes are clustering on this thread!!

OP your MIL sounds like a nasty old cow. The good thing is, you know it and your fiance seems to have your back. Maybe you can play Cow Bingo with your fiance when you have dinner with the ILs, crossing off the predictable nasty comments!

I think just ignoring her attempts to get a rise would be more classy.

There are some particularly grim posts on this thread and your reading comprehension is not great, OP. The poster who said you were up your own arse was siding with you. Re-read the comment.

Honestly though, i am actually inclined to think you are a bit unreasonable. I don’t think I’ve ever asked how anyone proposed for the sole reason that nobody actually cares, other than the couple themselves. Maybe your MIL is a ‘main character’ but sounds a bit like you are too if you expect her to care about the size of the ring and for a blow by blow account of how he proposed.

Definitely don't expect her to care how big the diamond is, or to like the ring, or to want chapter and verse on how it happened, or to blow smoke up my arse. Just don't expect her to put it down... which she does with everything which I'd tried to explain by setting out the context. My point is I think there's a time and a place for thinking you're above everyone else, and when someone shares happy news, that should be one of those times. But she couldn't seem to stop herself making one of her usual catty comments.

Yanbu I know how you feel. We had just moved into a new (large) house and a relative of mine saw it and said, it’s darling! I wasn’t asking for a comment on the size, why just say oh it’s nice?!

She sounds like someone who is totally self-centred and really doesn't care about other people. I can't think of any other reason for not congratulating people on their engagement. You know what she's like. The only way to cope with her is to expect it, and not to care - don't value her opinion. I don't think you should be nasty in return.
I know someone like this. She runs my book group. I've posted about her before because she's said some pretty awful things. I can't believe that someone can go through their life insulting people and being totally tone deaf (like the comment about the small diamond). But they do. I have called out book group woman before and she was obviously pleased that she'd wound me up. So now I don't react. And I try not to care about her opinions.

People can be very funny about houses, can't they? The only permissible comment, as you say, about someone's new house is about how lovely it is.
I bought a new car, which happened to be dark green (new to me, that is). When my neighbour saw it she said "I'd never buy a green car, they're unlucky." Yeah, thanks for that.