To feel upset and angry

[Nevermarryagain]

Recent funeral for a family member of my partner of over 10 years. I was seated 2 rows behind him and all other family members were in couples, except his brother who's single who he sat with. I felt during the service and after there was little point me being there, he was busy with family and I felt really alone. I was close to the person that died. Angry and upset a few days after I told him how I felt and he didn't get it at all, seemed aggravated that I was upset. Didn't even acknowledge how I said I felt. Just interested in how others would feel in this situation 😔

I get why you are upset but that's the nature of funerals they are about blood relations. I remember a close friend died at 21 and I was way down the back as he had a huge extended family and had to sit through a eulogy that sounded nothing like him and people who didn't really know him sympathising and it was so hard. Similarly, MILs brother was estranged from all 4 of his siblings for 40 years, MIL didn't even know where he lived and I don't know how she found out he died. But at his funeral she was up front with the siblings shaking all the hands. The people he spent his life with were behind.

I think telling him how you felt is very unfair though. That's something that comes up in a few months or years while you are chatting about funerals in general and mention in passing.

everyone was there to pay their respects. He was with his family which is fine. However if you felt like you needed him by your side you should have asked him to be with you

If my family member died and my husband chose to complain to me in the days after the funeral about where he was sat I think I'd be furious.

Then what did you want to happen? Did you want people to move so you could sit further forward? There would have been even less space where you were sitting if your partner squeezed in there too.

It sounds like you did exactly what he needed - supported his DC while he was elsewhere, and then left him to catch up with family after. I know you probably felt at a loose end but sometimes that's ok.

It's exactly what I needed from DH when my dad died - keep the kids ticking over and leave me to support my mum. At a simpler time (i.e. when I was young with no DC!) I would've wanted him holding my hand, but actually the practical stuff was much more helpful. He may have felt the same.

Unless it's part of a wider picture, I'd let it go. And even if it is part of a wider picture, focus on that rather than his relative's funeral.

I've had a similar event where my DH sat up front with his family and I sat at the back with all the children. I'd have chosen the back anyway with the children. Sometimes these occasions are tough and the family are pulled in every direction. I'd just focus on being a support to him, as I'd expect him to be a support to me if it was my family member.

So you weren't told to sit further back? It sounds like it couldn't be helped although you would have thought he would want to be with his kids.

Presumably you know everyone quite well so plenty of people to talk to.

Great work on making the death of someone in your DP’s family all about you 👍🏻

My sibling and partner are no longer in contact with one of their partners siblings after their parents funeral. The siblings wanted their partner to sit in the front row with them when it had been arranged for just the siblings to sit there and the partners to sit behind.
You may have felt sad at the loss of your partners parent, but kindly, it was their parent. They probably felt quite overwhelmed with the day and probably thought you'd be of great support to their children whilst they dealt with the other mourners.