Sensitive subject - suicide is in this content.

[Toblerone45]

My best friend of thirty years (met at school) killed herself in November last year. The grief has been so immense.

Her fiancé has been left with her late teen son (my godson) and they are living in the house where she did this and where the three of them lived.

My friend’s fiancé has now got into a relationship with a new person, and wants to come and visit me over Easter break with this new partner.

I feel really uncomfortable and disloyal to my deceased best friend in entertaining this and really conflicted.

I do so want her fiancé to be happy! But this seems so quick!

Can I say diplomatically that I’m not yet ready to meet this person? And have her at my house? I do so want to see my godson and my friend’s fiancé but I don’t yet feel ready to see his new girlfriend.

I feel guilty because I didn’t see what happened coming. I thought we told each other everything. She was the closest thing I had to a sister. And still. This happened. She did this. And it’s hurt us all so much, and I feel I failed her.

It will be awkward with the new gf so I would gently suggest just him and your godson visit.

I lost my best friend and SIL to suicide in my late 20s, jeez it was nearly 30 years ago now, feels so recent still. She left behind her 2 year old son.

My BIL "replaced" her extremely quickly, within a few weeks he had moved in another woman which was awkward. We had a deep and meaningful, slightly disturbing, chat about it and he was essentially looking to fill the gap his wife had left and didn't care who with as long as they seemed ok for his ds because it just didn't matter anymore. They trundled along, went on to have a child together, got married, but it was doomed to failure from the start as they were so obviously different and wouldn't have hooked up in normal circumstances.

Just remember noone is doing anything wrong, they are just coping in the best way they can and it will all come out in the wash.

Sorry for your loss, the loss of someone so young through suicide is so hard. Even nearly 30 years on I wonder why she did it, but not with the same pain and confusion of those first few years.

Thank you for your message. I’m kind of wishing I hadn’t thought about this so much tonight now as it’s made me feel the loss all over again, especially as I have my own young children (50/50 with my ex) tonight and it’s so incomprehensible still, the whole thing.

I still can’t quite believe it and it’s been four months now 😳

Her death was also so violent and not peaceful. I can’t get the image out of my mind still. I did see her in the chapel of rest with her fiancé, which I think helped me to believe it a bit more, but if I’m honest, it still doesn’t quite feel real.

I am so sorry, I have been in a similar position to you and it is horrific. Sending love.