AIBU to go to bed when I want?

[Cheeseandwine30]

My boyfriend is a night owl and stays up pretty late gaming etc most nights. I am up early almost every morning (between 5.30-7 depending on gym class, work, dog etc) and I've always been someone who likes to be in bed by 10 bar the odd occasion. He has been getting annoyed with me for not staying up until a "reasonable" time at the weekends and going to bed at 10/11 or falling asleep on the sofa because I am shattered. On some occasions he gives me the silent treatment the next day if I've fallen asleep early on a Saturday night for example. Surely I should be allowed to go to bed when I feel like it? He says it is because he wants us to spend time together but we will have been sitting together having dinner and watching TV all evening before that. It's just tiring to manage and if I go to bed early on a Friday night I have to have a trade off of staying up late the next night. An I unreasonable to be fed up with him dictating when I go to bed?

Erm. As politely as I can... WTF are you doing questioning yourself on this?

He is being an arse.

What does he want you to do until late at night if he’s gaming? Sit there and watch? I am married to a night owl and tbh it is a bit annoying when you have children because they are up all night and sleep in which isn’t compatible with family life.

Are you meant to sit there watching him play?
Of course you should go to bed if you’re tired, try waking him up at 5.30 for company and see how he likes it.

Ugh, does he want you to stay up and game? No way

He would sit and watch TV with me rather than play games if I stayed up. And yeah totally, he can't get his arse out of bed at 9am most mornings!

Don’t stay with someone who gives you the silent treatment, it’s manipulative and doesn’t bode well for your future. He sounds like a bit of a douche, I’d throw this one back.

Does he have a job he has to get up for?

@Seaweed42 yes but WFH and they are flexible with starting a bit later

You're not compatible.

He's an arse. Sod that.

Turn it around. Tell him you agree and you're so excited he's going to be getting up at 6:30 to walk the dog with you so you can spend some quality time together.

Don't have kids with him

I think this is it - you aren't living on the same schedule, and this will become more of a problem in the long term if you have children.

Is this a man sulking for sex one? He’s expecting sex and annoyed that you’ve gone to bed? I would find it so unattractive to have a man that can never be arsed to get up in the morning. Difficult when you have an early riser vs night owl. Especially when you argue about who is going to get up with the children, and always the early riser has to and the night ‘can’t wake up’ uses the excuse that they went to bed late..

Give him the same treatment if he won't wake up at 6am with you. He sounds like a colossal dickhead.

Does he get up with you at 5.30-7? I’m betting not! I’d start complaining about that if I were you!

He’s ridiculous. You should go to bed when you want.

Neither of you are unreasonable for following your body clocks. I don’t like it when I hear people criticising night owls for waking up later in the morning, we’re all just wired differently and morning people are no better or worse then night owls.
He is massively unreasonable for making you feel bad for doing what is natural to your body. Sleep is so important!
As an introvert, I need some time alone every day, so actually I’d be very happy in a relationship with someone “opposite” to my sleep schedule, as we’d both get time to enjoy to ourselves. But not with someone like your fella who thinks it’s ok to emotionally blackmail their partner for having the audacity to be tired 🙄 xxx

Turn it around, tell him to get up when you do and come to the gym or walk the dog to spend more time together. See how he likes that.

I'd tell him when he starts getting up with you, you'll start staying up with him.

youll be fine, he'll never be wanting to get up at 6.

hes a giant bell end, not sure why you're still with him?!

This. It's great that he's going to be up and about with you in the morning!

I'm a night owl by nature but you have to change when you have kids who wake early.
It sounds like he doesn't want to compromise, but wants you to change. I don't think you're compatible long term, especially not for having kids.

Thanks all I don't actually know why I'm even questioning if I'm the issue here lol! Actually remembering last summer when the dog was a pup and got up at literally 4.30/5 every morning, he was doing the same moaning and I'd said well if you get up with the dog tomorrow morning I'll stay up. Stayed up then of course the morning comes and he wouldn't get out of bed!

My husband is like this, constantly questioning what time I go to bed. Some nights I'm up really late with the kids if they're struggling to sleep, but on nights they go to bed early ill do so too. However it's always "you never go to bed early if I'm in bed" and all that shit

This is actually another reason why we’re not getting a dog. Been there done that with doing all the mornings with x2 children as he’s ‘not an early riser’ / ‘can’t wake up’. Not repeating it for another 12 years with a dog he won’t get up for

My husband goes to bed at 9 during the week and probably 2am at weekends , I just go when I like and it’s never been an issue

Also, I’m not sure about all these men that call themselves a night owl. Sure, would I like to have a long evening, do what I want and go to bed at 11/12 if I knew I would be responsibility free the next morning and someone else looked after my children. Yes, but that’s not going to happen so I HAVE to go to bed early because I HAVE to wake up early and function the next day. Not much choice goes into it..