AIBU to go to bed when I want?

[Cheeseandwine30]

My boyfriend is a night owl and stays up pretty late gaming etc most nights. I am up early almost every morning (between 5.30-7 depending on gym class, work, dog etc) and I've always been someone who likes to be in bed by 10 bar the odd occasion. He has been getting annoyed with me for not staying up until a "reasonable" time at the weekends and going to bed at 10/11 or falling asleep on the sofa because I am shattered. On some occasions he gives me the silent treatment the next day if I've fallen asleep early on a Saturday night for example. Surely I should be allowed to go to bed when I feel like it? He says it is because he wants us to spend time together but we will have been sitting together having dinner and watching TV all evening before that. It's just tiring to manage and if I go to bed early on a Friday night I have to have a trade off of staying up late the next night. An I unreasonable to be fed up with him dictating when I go to bed?

Beware OP he is trying to control you to do what he wants you to do and not what's best for you.

YANBU whatsoever. Fuck him and what he wants. You've already spent time together from what you say. Up to him if he wants to stay up until stupid o'clock. I have been through two live in partners-am never living with another again and this was one of the reasons, amongst many. It's utter bliss being able to do what I want, when I want. And the animals never complain.

Tell him to get to fuck. You're a grown up who can make her own choices.
I have to go to bed at 10 Sunday to Wednesday to get up at 5 for work.
But when I'm not working can easily stay up till 2am watching TV sometimes DH will say "don't stay up all night". I just answer "ok dad" and carry on.

I don’t think either of your body clocks are unreasonable, they’re just different. I do however think his manipulative behaviour and getting stroppy about it is unreasonable. I’d be offering to stay up, if he got up with you- which I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t do.
my partner and I are different sleep schedules- I’m awake at 05:30 most days and like to be in bed at 21:30-22:00, whereas he’ll get up at 10:00-10:30 and go to bed between 01;30-02:00. So anything we have to do together we do in the gap in the middle, we’ve developed a fine art of getting up and going to bed without disturb the other.

Tell him fine I'll stay up with you, oh and I'm getting up at 5:30 on Monday to go to a gym class get up and come with me so we can spend time together rather than you laying in bed

Talk to him I'd say & suggest to have compromise- some nights you make effort and stay a bit longer other nights he come bed early and see what he says.

Otherwise you both have own schedule and neither of you should have to explain themselves....

I've been wirh someone like this. Left him other year. He wanted me to stay up til 2am Saturdays so we could have sex at 1am. Did this for years. Anyways I had enough. Ltb

You'll have perpetual jetlag.

It's not worth it.

Why oh why are you putting up with him ? Raise your bar.

Using the bird analogy, I'd say he's a selfish cock rather than a night owl..

@Furrydogmum that gave me a chuckle 😆

What is the point of him? A relationship should lift you up, not crush you.

Get rid

It's not the mismatch of body clocks - it's the silent treatment. NOBODY has the right to 'tell you' to do anything but when they sulk about it and start stonewalling, that's when you know they are an immature oik and not fit to be in a relationship. Dump him, go to bed when you want and get up when you want, and don't put up with the 'you don't do what I say so I'm going to ignore you' arsehole.

Yes! Make him get up with you and sulk if he doesn't

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat thank you! This is my main issue I think too, as if it's not a natural need to sleep and I should be punished🤷🏻‍♀️ the thing is if I get him up early in the mornings for anything I also just get huffing, silence etc too..it's all as if I don't want to spend time with him when actually I'm just bloody tired and I don't want to piss away the entire next day when I can't function.

It would be a dealbreaker for me
I like to get on with stuff at the weekends and couldn't bear a DP lolling in bed until late morning

Wow sounds like a keeper 👀

You're not compatible!

I’m a night owl and I’d find it difficult to live with a morning person because we’d be on such different timetables - but I would never in a million years try to dictate the time someone went to bed! Your boyfriend’s being a dick. Silent treatment is not acceptable and if he’s spending the evenings gaming and expecting you to just watch him, there is zero reason to need you to stay up.

Is this sex-related, do you think? I’m just wondering whether, if you’re going to bed at such different times, there’s not much opportunity for spontaneous bedroom action?! But even if that’s his issue, making you stay up watching him gaming until you can barely keep your eyes open is clearly not the solution to that problem.

It would not be OK for a morning person to drag a night owl out of bed at 7am, and it is not OK to make a morning person stay up until midnight either.

This one needs to go.

He's selfish and demanding. He wants you to fit in with his schedule. He won’t compromise and share time with you in the morning though.

No one dictates when I go to bed. Don’t spend time wondering if you’re wrong - you’re not.

I don't think this is true.

My husband and I have opposite preferences in terms of he likes to stay up late, I like to be in bed by half 10. We are doing just fine.

Some evenings I'll stay up later and we watch a film, some evenings he will come up earlier with me, others we just do our own thing. It's about compromise and being accepting of each other, as opposed to OPs partner who seems to think his way is the only possible way! 🤣

100% this!

This is a red flag. He is showing signs of being controlling.

@Katela18 yeah that sounds like fair whereas my partner wouldn't even come up to bed to watch TV with me for an hour as a compromise now and then either!

This behaviour (by the boyfriend) is controlling and selfish.