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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not allowed friends over

53 replies

Rainyday54321 · 28/03/2024 12:52

First time poster here..
So AIBU?

Husband doesnt allow me to have friends over. He says it's his house (we both pay mortgage!) and refuses to allow me to have anyone over. I have to see friends at their houses.
This is full on controlling isn't it? :-(

OP posts:
theconfidenceofwho · 29/03/2024 07:34

TobarnanGealt · 28/03/2024 15:02

Frankly, from your updates, it sounds as if he's worried your friends will see evidence that you're in an abusive marriage.

This was my thought too.

If you were my friend Op, I'd help you & I'm sure yours would too. Tell them what's going on & I'm sure they'll help get you out.

caringcarer · 29/03/2024 10:20

Rainyday54321 · 28/03/2024 14:27

We have 3 teenage children. He's OK with their friends coming. It's mine that are the issue. No idea why he hates them. He is an introvert and likes his own space and I'm more extroverted and am a people person.
We have enough room for him to go upstairs. To be honest the issue is more him telling me what I'm allowed to do. I don't mind going to a friends and getting some peace but I hate him telling me that I'm not allowed and then kicking off if I do something that he disagrees with. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells.

You know it's time to leave this abusive marriage. You only have one life. You can't waste your life by not having autonomy to do things that any reasonable person would. Open a new bank account. Get your wages put into it. Ask a friend if you can sleep on their sofa for 2 weeks just while you leave him. Make a claim for UC and housing benefit. Rent somewhere for you and DC whilst you go through divorce and get your half of the equity in your house. You really don't have to put up with this. Would you want your DD to put up with abusive behaviour in her future relationships? If she sees you accepting it from your husband she will use that as an internal model of her future relationships. Your son too will think this is ok to treat a wife like this. Break the cycle. Woman's Aid can advise you. He doesn't need to know you called them.

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