Guy did a 180 after date, does shyness put them off?

[Solonelyifeelsolonely]

Of course he's entitled to not want another date, I'm just wondering if it's something I did that I can learn from for future dates. Obviously I can't know for sure but just want to give an idea.

I'd known him for around 2 months prior to the date through friends/events etc. and I'd say we met around 7 times in various settings and always got on well.

It sounds arrogant it I really thought sometimes that he fancied me, ,2 of our friends picked up on it too. I just felt that sort of chemistry.

Then he asked for my number and we were texting lots. I asked for the drink.

It was my first date in years and I admit I was quite nervous, but I tried to remember he was already an acquaintance.

I was shy, but still the conversation flowed really well. It felt natural, wasn't strained at all or forced.
He paid for my drink, I offered to get him one but he wouldn't.
The thing I thought was a little strange was that he didn't flirt at all, whilst it was nice I just didn't get a flirty vibe at all, even though it was a great chat.
I complimented him once but didn't wanna go overboard.
Anyway when I texted to thank him his tone immediately changed , and that was it.

Does it sound like I put him off by being a bit nervous? As I say he already knew me, knows what I look like and so on. I admit I was a little blindsided. Maybe he wanted someone more 'out there'? Even though he was giving me the same.

I don't think shyness puts a man off a woman if he finds her attractive, thinks she finds him attractive, and he wants to have sex with her. Tbh I think the same applies to stupidity, obnoxiousness and probably satan worship.

I would guess that he liked you, found you at least somewhat attractive, but maybe was on the fence and since you have friends in common didn't want to either be edged into a more serious relationship than he wanted, or look like the bad guy if he kept it casual and wanted nothing more.

I basically tested the waters by saying, shame you aren't free on Saturday as I'm going to X thing, would've been cool.He just put 'thanks for the thought, and basically a polite text but hasn't continued the convo so neither have I.

So he hasn't actually shut it down? How long ago was this? It could just be that you are both bad communicators and are waiting for one another to text again?

If he'd been interested he'd have suggested an alternative or another time, plus continued the convo. Prior to this drink he was writing me long paragraphs, I could just see the sudden change.

maybe more people do like it than dislike it, but surely people don't date based on that

I would use it as a filtering criteria. This is probably not accurate about you at all but I'd be thinking "oh she's going to a fussy one" when it comes to food, and enjoying food together is a big part relationships for me. I also don't gel with men who don't like football, not that I love football but I just don't like the vibe of men I've met who hate it.

When you're dating you can be as picky with your mundane preferences as you like but highly unlikely to articulate them to the other person.

But you could say the same. You messaged him knowing he wasn't free and he said thanks for the thought. But then neither of you have continued since. How long ago was it?

Have you only previously seen him at the hobby?

The best lesson I learnt in life - and it took a while but then suddenly hit me - is that there is literally no point wasting a single second wondering why someone doesn't want to see you /isn't interested in you.

The guy went on a date with you and decided he didn't want to go further. There is literally no point giving it a single second thought. You have no idea the complexities of his mind or what drives chemical / phsyical attraction

There are many people in the world I click with intellectually - have flirted with but don't actually want to date

You will move through life so much faster when you take this on board - you can just move on to looking for the guy who really is right.

To be brutally honest, he didn't sound very keen in the first place. He didn't ask you out and didn't try to move beyond friendliness on your date. I'd say it's one of those where he though 'she's obviously into me so I might as well meet her' but when you met it didn't inspire any more enthusiasm in him. This isn't about you doing something wrong, it's just about not being what he's looking for. I'm sure you've felt this way about people yourself who liked you in the past? Its disappointing but that's life.Try not to fall into the trap of thinking there's a way to be that will keep a man interested. You have to be true to you, and they have to take it or leave it.

100 per cent what above poster said - you are thinking 'how could I have acted differently' - this is the unhelpful way to think of it

You and he didn't have what it takes between you - just keep being yourself !

You're right, I was just really convinced it was my nerves/shyness. Thanks!

You don’t sound particularly shy, you asked him on the date, conversation flowed and you asked him about going somewhere else.

Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there, even if you wish it were. I once went on a date with a guy I’d been talking to online who was absolutely lovely, but there really was no chemistry. Some other lucky girl would have got a lovely husband with him, he just wasn’t for me..

Also it sounds as though he’s very picky about what he wants or isn’t bothered about finding someone- just by him not having had a serious girlfriend. It might be his issues, and nothing to do with you or what you did.

Just wish to clarify, this was a coffee? Not a drink. When I have met someone in real life at a party, work etc because we are already familiar we have had a proper dinner date. When I have met men as friends it's coffee. In OLD the first date is often coffee because you are meeting for the first time. I think he had a coffee with you rather than considered it a date

My guess would be he was only looking for a fling and has cottoned on you aren't. Perhaps he messes women about and doesn't want to risk his social circle doing that to someone they know.

You can't create a spark. Either two people have chemistry or they don't. There's no point in trying to analyse what went wrong, you just weren't right for him. You will be for someone else.