To think he's a liar and I shouldn't trust him?

[Paulatreides]

It's just casual white lies/excuses, but the fact that he's able to do it so frequently and casually just feels like a lack of respect for me.
We had 2 dates, then I suggested a 3rd for the week after.
He told me he was really busy that week with overtime at work so couldn't, he said he was doing 'at least 4 evenings if not more.'
Then a fortnight later he casually mentioned in conversation that he'd just done alternative evenings that week. I didn't say anything at the time but it showed he'd exaggerated because he didn't want to meet up.
Then when he started taking over 24h to reply to every single message (despite having previously taken a few hours at most) he then came out with a story about how he doesn't go on his phone, he's always been a rubbish texter and wishes he was better at it.
That would be fine if it had always been the case but clearly he hadn't been a couple of weeks prior.
He made another work excuse saying something about the cut off pay date, saying that the cut off date was the 29th for that month's pay and that's why he was too busy to meet, which I know is BS because I work for the same organisation (different branch) and cut off is always around the 15th.
Yes it's clear he wasn't interested and playing hot and cold with me. So I've stopped contacting him now, the lying is a red flag for me.
I get it to an extent, he'd rather just make excuses than say he's not interested, and it's fine if he isn't but sometimes he'll act like he is.
Not sure if I'm overreacting? It just feels like a lack of respect, also he must think I'm an absolute idiot to not pick up on his lies.

[DustyLee123]

I’m married to a man who says little white lies all the time, and it drives me nuts. When I was younger I didn’t see that he was lying to me too, I just assumed it was others.
Walk away now, he will just fuck with your head.

[Nchanged89]

Life is too short for stuff like this.
Just block him and move on.

[Paulatreides]

@DustyLee123

I’m married to a man who says little white lies all the time, and it drives me nuts. When I was younger I didn’t see that he was lying to me too, I just assumed it was others.
Walk away now, he will just fuck with your head.

Sorry to hear that, that must be so frustrating. Do you tell him that you know he's lying?

[DustyLee123]

@Paulatreides

Sorry to hear that, that must be so frustrating. Do you tell him that you know he's lying?

Yes, then he just looks at me like I’m nagging. So frustrating. If we weren’t married I wouldn’t be with him, and I’m not sure how much longer we will be married.

[Myopicglass]

Forget about him and move on. No-one needs a compulsive liar in their life. Why would you waste your life on someone who lies? I can’t imagine being such a loser (as in HE is a loser for lying) as to need to lie all the time about things. I’d be thinking what else is he lying about?

Celebrate the fact you picked it up quickly. I celebrate lots of random things - so personally I would block his number and I’d cook myself a lovely meal or go to the cinema/theatre or a walk to celebrate the fact I wasted so little of my time on him. Better alone than with a liar.

[Sheepcup]

I know a man who does this. He's a people pleaser, so he says what people want to hear and finds it hard to just say he doesn't want to do something. Very early on I told him how annoying/upsetting it is, that he doesn't need to make up a reason for not doing things, he can just say no.

And now, for me at least, he does. Do you want to go to the pictures on Friday? No thanks. Which suits me much better, but not everyone would love it.

[Haydenn]

This early in it is supposed to be fun. If it’s not throw them back. If he is lying then you don’t want to be with him; if his not lying then you don’t want to be with him either

[Janehasamane]

Hmm. Well on the work thing maybe he planned four and then did every second night, so what’s that 3, I can’t see the issue there.

he could have been confused on cut off date or there could have been something he was working, that had a deadline of the 29th and he also may be rubbish at texting.

irrelevant though, you don’t like him so end it. If there even is an it.

[Paulatreides]

I just don't believe him sadly, even if he had only ended up doing 3 he would've contacted me to let me know he was free in the end.
If he's rubbish at texting then that's fine, but he was initially good at it and then decided to become rubbish once he was no longer interested.

[SamW98]

There’s no such thing a ‘white lies’ or ‘fibs’ - a lie is a lie and when someone lies compulsively and easily, they’re showing you they’re dishonest and you can’t trust a word that comes out of their mouth.

I dated a man who was a people pleaser and lied constantly rather than just be honest and it did my head in.

Liars don’t change - I’d get rid personally.

[takemeawayagain]

You've been with him 5 minutes and your head is already fucked. IME men who lie about the small stuff also end up lying about the big stuff - and that is not somewhere you want to be. Aim a lot higher that this dickhead.

[KreedKafer]

All this drama and conflict after only two dates? Why on EARTH would you bother with this? Just move on. You barely know him, it's really not worth investing another moment of your time and energy into this.

[slippedonabanana]

You had two dates and he wasn't interested in a third. End of story. Forget him.

[Paulatreides]

@slippedonabanana

You had two dates and he wasn't interested in a third. End of story. Forget him.

That is true, it's just than he then messages me and blows hot and cold, so it's confusing.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

@Nchanged89

Life is too short for stuff like this.
Just block him and move on.

@Nchanged89 has hit the nail right on the head, @Paulatreides.

[sarahc336]

Sounds like hard work for only after two dates op, throw this one back in and find someone better for you 😊

[EverybodyLTB]

It’s not confusing. I mean, it is, yes. But if you look at it with your logical head on, it’s not at all. You’ve had two dates, and he is lying and communicating poorly. What hope is there for a future in this? What’s the point of driving yourself mad trying to understand?

I do get it, I’ve had this type of shit at various stages in my life. Take it from me, there is no point giving someone the chance to lie to you, disappoint you, or to eventually become some wonderful person. Two dates! It’s enough investment, I beg you to pull out of the deal now while you’ve got no skin in the game. A liar is not someone you need to be spending time trying to understand. Block and move on.

[HummingbirdChandelier]

@Nchanged89

Life is too short for stuff like this.
Just block him and move on.

Yes

[Didimum]

I think when dating we can all tell lies to the people we are lacklustre about. Because what's the alternative? 'Hey, do you want to go on date 3 this week?' / 'No, thank you – I just don't want to see you this week.' – That's not a conversation that's ever realistically going to happen. We all exaggerate or lie to get out of things.

That being said, you shouldn't date anyone you're not getting the same energy from, so that's not unreasonable at all.

[Paulatreides]

@Didimum

I think when dating we can all tell lies to the people we are lacklustre about. Because what's the alternative? 'Hey, do you want to go on date 3 this week?' / 'No, thank you – I just don't want to see you this week.' – That's not a conversation that's ever realistically going to happen. We all exaggerate or lie to get out of things.

That being said, you shouldn't date anyone you're not getting the same energy from, so that's not unreasonable at all.

From one angle I get it, but he clearly doesn't realise that he's saying one thing one week then another 2 weeks later and that he'll get caught out.
Honestly don't see it as a big deal to say 'Sorry I don't feel a connection/sorry I'm not interested in taking a further '.
You can say it gently, I'm sure most adults can handle that. I don't get why making up daft and obvious lies is a better option.

[Crunchymum]

Did you sleep together? Is / was sex on the cards? Maybe that's why he kept you dangling.

[Didimum]

@Paulatreides

From one angle I get it, but he clearly doesn't realise that he's saying one thing one week then another 2 weeks later and that he'll get caught out.
Honestly don't see it as a big deal to say 'Sorry I don't feel a connection/sorry I'm not interested in taking a further '.
You can say it gently, I'm sure most adults can handle that. I don't get why making up daft and obvious lies is a better option.

I absolutely don't condone slow fading or ghosting when you have no intention of continuing to date someone – at all. I agree people should be straight up and not play games. I also think that a few dates in people can still be warming up, getting to know someone and genuinely not be sure where they want to take it.

I still stand by that you're not unreasonable at all for cutting it off if you're not feeling the energy you want to feel from them.

[crockofshite]

Step daughter (mid 50's) does this. Tells lies so often you don't know what's true and what isn't. Also thinks it's a good idea to tell people what she thinks they want to hear. Good idea for who? I went v low contact a few years ago ..... Bliss .....

Dump this guy, he doesn't sound like a keeper.

[ThisNoisyTealLurker]

Honestly? A relationship (with true potential) in the early stages shouldn’t be this difficult. From experience, if you’re always wondering why he hasn’t texted, why he’s not replying, does he like me etc then the answer is probably because he doesn’t want to. I’ve made an utter tit of myself in the past chasing after men that weren’t interested in me and when I look back I can’t understand why I did it as these guys were nothing special.
If a guy is truly worth being with then he’ll be clearing his diary to take you out and you’ll have absolutely no doubts.
Bin him off.

[mamabeeboo]

This is a typical 'he's just not that into you'.
For someone who was available, now isn't as available. Someone who replied fast, now takes their time...sounds like he's phasing you out.
Of course it's more adult to actually say that they are not interested, but let's be honest, no one enjoys having that conversation.
Does he ever initiate conversation?