"Hello trouble"

[TheAverageJoanne]

A man I vaguely know (friend's stepbrother) said this to me in greeting yesterday at a funeral. I found it trivialising and sexist (he wouldn't have said it to a man). AIBU?

[EddieHowesShithousingMags]

i have a (male) colleague that says this to me all the time and I HATE it. I feel like asking ‘what do you mean by that?’ But it’s probably gone on too long now. I’m in my 40’s ffs and about as far from ‘trouble’ as I can be! It’s rude and as you say, not something he would say to a man.

[vanillawaffle]

What did you say?

[LovelyLinseed]

Yes there is something slightly demeaning and patronising about it. Not the worst greeting of course, but it would not be said to a man.

[BCBird]

I jokingly say it to the least troublesome members of my tutor group. They laugh. I would probably not reply as an adult

[vanillawaffle]

Its the sort of thing you say to a toddler

[WimpoleHat]

I think it’s just a casual sign of affection, without going as far as “darling” or “sweetheart” (which can be problematic themselves and a lot of people understandably don’t like it). I wouldn’t think that much about it - at a funeral, it’s more of a “here’s someone I haven’t seen for a while but it’s good to see” type of remark, I reckon.

[Mumoftwo1312]

I think it's flirty imo

[Mumoftwo1312]

I mean, flirty in this context. Not the pp saying it to the student!

[ASighMadeOfStone]

@vanillawaffle

Its the sort of thing you say to a toddler

This.
I thought the thread was going to be the mother of a toddler complaining about a nursery teacher.

As an adult, I'd take it as affectionate tbh.

I guess it depends on your relationship with the person.

I don't think you can shoehorn sexism in though.

[SnapdragonToadflax]

Yes, it's sexist in this context - I highly doubt he'd say it to a grown man.

It's more what someone would say to a small child.

[LovelyTheresa]

@Mumoftwo1312

I think it's flirty imo

Totally.

[ErrolTheDragon]

YANBU.
Not necessarily flirty, he might have forgotten your name and it was the first thing that came into his daft head.

[MalcolmTuckersSwearBox]

@Mumoftwo1312

I mean, flirty in this context. Not the pp saying it to the student!

In this context? They were at a funeral

YANBU to find it inappropriate, OP.

[LolaSmiles]

Honestly it's the sort of greeting I've only used/had used to me where there was a slightly flirty dynamic.

Even it it wasn't flirting, it's inappropriate for the situation and even in another situation it's unlikely a greeting he'd use man-to-man.

I'm surprised so many people in the vote think you're unreasonable.

[Fizzadora]

My DH uses this as a greeting to almost everyone he meets, his granddaughter, my Mum, our neighbour (60 year old man). It's meant in a friendly, affectionate way.
Why don't you tell him how patronising and sexist he is being and if he has any sense he will avoid you like the bloody plague.
Stop being so bloody offended.

[Sheepcup]

I think it means "fun" and he meant it as a flirtatious complement. It's not soemthjg he'd say to a man, but he wouldnt be flirting with them.

I'm a passionate feminist and often call out casual sexism, but I do worry we're creating a very bland life life we don't allow/enjoy any flirting.

[PoochiesPinkEars]

I think it depends. On your dynamic generally, if he's one of those people who are always jokey etc etc.
If I thought it was inappropriate I'd just correct him on my name in a calm 'I'm not having that' way.
Which makes me think, maybe he's bad with names and used it as a way to no-name you without being obvious, like how theatricals call everyone luvvy. 🤔

[apostrophewoman]

It's a jokey/affectionate term from someone who probably uses it to everyone. The broadband bloke who's in my house at the moment keeps calling me 'love'. I couldn't even be bothered to be offended by this, honestly. Move on, stop assuming every man is being sexist and stop looking for reasons to be offended. 🥱

[DyddDewiSant]

It's something I say to my brother 😁

[PoochiesPinkEars]

Sometimes the atmosphere at funerals can be a bit strained and a light hearted comment can break the tension. Funerals don't automatically make these things inappropriate. in fact humour can be vital at funerals.
Personally I think strict rules about what people are or aren't allowed to say in any given situation are unhelpful because there's always a mis-step somewhere.
I think it is more helpful to judge the intention of the person.
So if he is a sexist git who likes to belittle women and he's going to make a bunch of assumptions about you blah blah blah I'd be more inclined to view it poorly, if he's a jovial sort and there was social awkwardness in those moments you get at funerals sometimes I'd likely just appreciate his attempt to keep things light... assuming it was over the vol au vents and not when the coffin was being carried by. 😁

[mewkins]

Some people just say it. My lovely dad used to say it to the kids when they were toddlers. It was accurate.

[waftabout]

I think it's a bit flirty.

I don't like some greetings like love etc but this one doesn't bother me. It might depend who says it.

[NoraLuka]

It’s something adults used to say to kids when I was growing up so I don’t see it as flirty, maybe patronising. A bit weird to say at a funeral though.

[Sheepcup]

Do people really think nothing lighthearted should ever be said at a funeral? I doubt OP means during the ceremony.