Will try to keep this short…
One of my close friends DH left her when she was pregnant for OW.
Understandably it completely shattered my friends world..they had been childhood sweethearts and together for 10 years.
We are part of a big friendship circle of husbands and wives.. part from me who is recently separated (maybe this contributes to how I feel?)
After he left her everyone made a huge effort with her, we all wanted to make her feel supported.
She would come to my house everyday for the first 3-4 months and cry whilst I took care of her newborn.
I won’t lie in the beginning this was easy to do but over the years it’s become more difficult as she always speaks about the past and her ex and his partner (he’s still with OW). The main subject when we’re together would be ripping apart the OW social media and sharing her pics in group chats. At the beginning this was ok but for years it’s gone on and it’s draining not nice..
despite what happened with OW she does seem like a nice person and really tries to keep peace with my friend with step parenting the DC. Not that I would even side with her but I just don’t like to be a nasty person about something that was so long ago now. It uses my energy being mean about her all the time.
The story continues…
My friend had little money. DH and her were on a low income. She remained in their property and he moved to his own place. He still paid half the mortgage but no maintenance as he couldn’t afford to. I get none and my house is being repossessed.. that’s my own issue. But she bangs on about him not contributing and her having nothing.
She has worked part time and claimed benefits up until about 18 months ago she began working cash in hand doing a cleaning job. She brings in an additional £400 a month from this. I have supported by looking after her DC weekly so she can clean.
Overall with this money she earns more than me with this which maybe is why the following leaves a bitter taste in my mouth/jealousy because of my own circumstances?
Around the time she started her cleaning she met a guy who has now become her partner.
He is nice enough and she seems happier. If anything she just seems a bit entitled.. for a better word?
It’s like all the support everyone has given her over the years has been forgotten and suddenly she is better than all of us.
She doesn’t make much of an effort with us anymore but for the past 5 years we made sure we checked in on her weekly, she was always included in social gatherings etc. making arrangements around her. At times paying for her.. being a friend I would say.
I feel a bit used now though.
But I still support her so she can continue cleaning.
Yet I don’t see her much outside of this now. It’s like I am free childcare to her.
Her new DP has a well paid job.. around £70k, he has his own property he began renting out after moving in with her about 6 months after they got together.
He also sells those dodgy firesticks (the ones with all the channels preloaded) and brags about making £30k a year from.. cash!
Shes still claiming her benefits, getting cash in hand and her single person council tax discount despite him living with her for over a year now.
They are about to move into a 4 bedroom house.. which she says is when she will then stop claiming these things.
Of course I’m happy for her after what she went through but I think I just feel a bit hard done by.. I would never report her nor would I report him for selling those illegal sticks. Wouldn’t even know how.
But I feel used and like I’ve lost my friend who I’ve put so much effort into helping emotionally and at times financially (before my circumstances changed) and now I’m recently separated from my young DC Dad I don’t feel that same support or understanding from her but more like she looks down on me. I can’t describe it.
Not sure what I’m expecting from this post. Maybe just to get it all of my chest!