In laws want weekly visits, AIBU?

[Stressedmum223]

Name changed for this. My husband and I have 2 very young children. His parents, who live nearby, expect to see us at least once a week but preferably more. We’ve tried to explain that we are not available every week, but they send my husband barrages of text messages demanding visits.

They act incredibly affronted and angry that we aren’t available at their beck and call, and infantilise my husband when he tries to establish boundaries. Are we the unreasonable ones here? I would have thought seeing them twice a month was still frequent, but in their mind and actual words we are keeping them from their grandchildren.

We aren’t close with them at all, and IMO they treat their own son quite poorly. He doesn’t like them very much, but we both want them to have a relationship with our children.

YABU - You should see your in laws every week or more
YANBU - It’s fine to see your in laws every other week

I would say it’s every other week or not at all - their choice. Stop allowing them to bully you all, it will eventually be the grandchildren they are emotionally abusing

Ignore. Maybe invite them around but make it clear you have to go shopping or whatever after an hour or hour and a half. Rather than say you want to spend time as a family say you are taking child to activities etc.

Yes, you would know best 😂

Yeah I shall going forward, just hard to resist poking the keyboard warriors…

The problem is we are both bad liars and they will interrogate us as to why we aren’t available. I think after reading some of the very good advice on here though we will just say we are busy etc and refuse to give details, as it’s none of their business. It’s easy to get caught up in defending yourself but of course we don’t have anything to defend!

YANBU. I adore my PILs and would happily see them everyday, but yours sound like arseholes. The fact they love your children doesn't mean they're allowed to treat you like shit.

Op - I've only skimmed the thread but be careful about building a relationship between them and your children, if in the future you decide to cut them off an existing relationship is one of the few things a court will take into account should they decide to apply for court ordered contact.

I agree that the way they treat you both doesn't model great behaviour for your children. You're showing them how you allow yourself to be treated.

However, re fils text. Set the next date then send the exact same reply to each of his texts, even if they don't quite make sense. See if he gets bored. Literally copy and paste.

Eg 'we're busy until Saturday the 4th, see you at 2pm'

Exactly my thoughts.

💯