No family at Easter and Christmas WDYD?

[Lambsarehere]

Just that!

My kind and much loved FIL and MIL have now died. BIL died last year, unexpectedly, his wife has already remarried and disappeared with her new husband and we never hear from her and the dc (a whole new thread) All gps have died.

What do you do with pre teens and teens to make family occasions like Easter and Christmas special without family gatherings? We usually feel very sad and lonely as it reminds us of all the family we no longer have. I have tried to make it 'fun' but the teens are not really interested, and I have started to really dread this time of year. The adverts make me feel sad. Christmas is even worse.

We can't afford to go away every year whenever it is Easter, Christmas, mothers days etc, so please don't suggest holidays. We do have lots of friends, but everyone usually sees their own families/GPs etc. I am not sure how to make the holidays feel less painful.

Thank you

We never have family over at Easter. Both my parents have passed away as has DHs mum. His dad has never been interested in family occasions. I just see the Easter weekend as chill time for all of us (me, dh and 2 teens)

DH and I have very small families, who don’t live nearby and aren’t very interested in getting together. I do look at large family gatherings with envy.

We just try to do fun stuff with the kids. Cinema, dinner out, walk, chores. It does feel a bit pathetic, I just try to get through it and not think too much about what could’ve been. Appreciate what I have got.

I know exactly what you mean op. And it is painful, you are right.
Sadly i have never found a solution.

Are you sure none of your friends would want to do something?

Sorry for your loss. If a big family thing is your tradition, then it will be tough for you now that isn't possible.

But, to be honest, for me, I don't really think Easter is special in any way. My DC are small, so I'll maybe do an egg hunt, but that’s 10 min, but then Easter is just a normal sunday, where we will do normal sunday things. I don't get the friday/monday as a bank holiday (scotland), so before kids it could pass me by without me noticing.

Christmas is different, but we make that special with nice food, fun gifts that we can all do together and general cosyness.

Easter is cold and grey, with no twinkling lights to brighten it up. YANBU to think that is is rubbish.

You just accept the situation and enjoy your Easter break
You can't magic up family that aren't there.

I'd just make it a family day for your own little family. Roast dinner, egg hunt in the garden (mine are teens but still like this!), family walk, then maybe all watch a film together?

It's hard isnt it. I'm a single mum and see no one over Christmas or Easter or anything. I just try and make it special for the kids. I'm so aware of lots of people having lovely family times and get togethers. All my friends are having big get togethers with extended family so that's that. Try and make your own special traditions ☺️

Lower your expectations.

we don’t do anything for Easter, it’s just another Sunday now that the children are older. When they were younger we would roll our hard boiled eggs down a hill and visit grandparents but now we have a lovely lazy day at home.

Christmas we have our own company that day too and every second year my mum comes, dh’s family live too far away to visit on the day.

we have a family board game night and a movie on too.

Dosent mean all families that get together are happy.
Family is over rated.
Lots of people don't have extended families.
Most Important thing is that you are well and your children are well.
Anything else is a bonus.

Perhaps you could create some new traditions to make it feel more special? Easter BBQ, Easter escape room in a box, Easter outing to the coast for fish and chips - just anything that might feel like a treat to your family? Easter family bake-off?

Possibly the only thing I miss about my marriage (am divorced) is the big family gatherings with XH's family. It's often just DC and me now when it's my turn for occasions. We often do a walk or outing, or a games afternoon if the weather's bad. Or I let the DC choose an activity we wouldn't normally do.

You have to start new traditions

Good Friday for me is baking/making Easter fudge or nest cakes
Saturday cinema? Day out to beach for fish and chips/arcades?
walk/church then Sunday lunch
Monday - invite friends over? Games or cards or film and popcorn

or spend the weekend decorating a room each year. Get everyone involved in painting etc

If we aren’t seeing family, we would invite family friends with children round-the adults can chat and kids can play/ignore each other whilst scrolling on their phones.

To be honest, our kids are older now and sit and chat with us as well-or we play silly games etc.

Why don’t you see what friends are about? Most people don’t see family every second of Easter weekend-I bet some people will be free!

We have 2 young adult kids (early 20s) still at home, probably the last year for eldest.

My parents no longer around, in-laws - we visited them some Easters when kids younger, and alternate seeing them at Christmas with SIL, but otherwise we don’t see extended family.

We used to do caravan breaks in Easter hols (we own a tourer) but that died off when kids were doing exams and apart from 2022, hasn’t re started at Easter.

We enjoy quality time just the four of us - dog walking, a day at coast, cook a roast on Sunday, eat plenty of chocolate, maybe have a brunch out, watch some films, possibly a cinema trip. I certainly don’t feel it's ‘painful’, not seeing extended family. But then I did enjoy Covid Christmas’s, not having to entertain 🤣

We have also started evening monopoly games recently (youngest has been recovering from major surgery, so none of us have been socialising like normal) and the kids have become ultra competitive, so I can see a board game happening too.

Other than that, it will be catching up on some admin tasks, gardening/allotment if dry….I think we are all looking forward to some chill time after the stress of youngest’s surgery and recovery. As pp said, we are just glad for health at the moment.

Friday we are going to a cafe for lunch (me dh 2 adult dd and ds 8)

Sunday we will do a egg hunt probably take ds to the park and have a roast dinner

Is there any form of volunteering you could do over Easter/Christmas? Perhaps one day helping out with a local church, or community group?
we have a very small family but have been lucky enough to build an extended group for significant holidays. But volunteering plays a part every year and I would say it’s been immensely fulfilling

Christmas yes but Easter all the family oriented friends I have don’t seem to do anything with family, just their own kids.

We’re all doing Easter hunt in the morn on our own with our kids then all are meeting up(without kids) in the afternoon for food/drinks.

I have no family & if I wasn’t going out with my friends, I’d just go out with my DD & have a lovely day.

Your kids have you & that’s totally the main thing.

Maybe an egg hunt,followed by a walk. Home for a roast and board gamed.nap and a movie plus Easter eggs yum

I've never spent these occasions with family so just be grateful your kids have got to experience that

Easter is easy - just ask around your friends and someone will want to do something. We live in the UK and won't be in Ireland with grandparents etc for Easter, but we'll be doing an Easter egg trail with friends on Good Friday, have visitors for lunch on Easter Sunday, and doing an Easter fun run () on the Monday.

Christmas is trickier because people genuinely are busy with their families. But Easter? Most people aren't doing that much, I've found.

Just do a meal with your own family. Personally I would go away at Easter because its a good time for it. Not at Christmas though. Each to their own.

I find family gatherings a chore. I think you have got to count your blessings that although these people have gone they are still there in happy memories. You were lucky to have enjoyed that family time whilst it lasted.

You could be a lot more lonely but you have your dc. Encourage the dc to invite friends. It will make them more likely to spend holidays with you. You could have a whole new chapter ahead of you as the older generation.

I'm a widow since my kids were 4 and 6 so half our Christmases are in our own (every other year until pandemic we travelled abroad to see remaining family), but Easter always on our own. I don't think it's been lonely at all. When young we did an egg hunt and then had a lovely meal. Now, 18 and 20, we have a nice roast lamb dinner, watch a movie. We don't miss anyone as for most of their memories it has just been us.
I think you have to focus on what you have, not what you are missing.

Easter isn’t usually a big family thing for us, it’s just a normal day so I’m not missing out there. But our friends have invited us for lunch which is lovely. But I can see that going to friends who have family round might make it feel more of what you are missing, but the best Christmases we’ve had are with friends and their families when ours have been away, really have.

My parents have both died and I miss them hugely. My 2 darling Aunties too who were like second mothers to me. My Fil died too and all we have now is my MiL who I don't think has many years left due to her health. I try to focus on my DC and we sometimes see friends over Easter.

We usually feel very sad and lonely as it reminds us of all the family we no longer have

I get that it's not easy for you and encourage you for the sake of your own children to put a better face on it. Your D.C. will the their cue from you. As PP has said this is your time to make new traditions with them.

A walk, a small Easter egg. They will be much happier if you focus on new rather than on what you have lost. Good luck.