Colleagues commenting on how much food I eat

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It has been happening for a while. I probably do eat more than a lot of people, but I eat more on my office days because people bring in snacks and we have cafe etc so I take advantage of it. I am very healthy at home and mostly have healthy dinners so I let myself have a treat at work as we are only in two days a week and I look forward to it.

However, some of my colleagues have been making comments that are starting to hurt my feelings and I’m not sure if I just need to get thicker skin and pull myself together as it’s just lighthearted, or whether I should say something?

some of the comments are:
”I can’t believe how much you eat”
“if I ate as much as you I’d be 20 stone”
”are you going for MORE food?”
“do you carry on eating when you get home?”
”I bet even your husband doesn’t eat as much as you”
“the calories that you’ve eaten in your lunch are more than I have all day”

Amongst other things. Today people brought in baked cakes for easter and there were LOADS left over. I asked if I could take an extra piece home for my husband and they said yes of course. But then a few people started laughing when they saw me wrapping it up saying “oh I knew YOU would be the one to leave with a goody bag”

I know they are just joking and not saying these things maliciously, but I think it’s rude. Why do they have to comment on it? I feel humiliated and like shit about myself. I do eat more than the rest of the people on my team but I still don’t think I eat an obscene amount. I don’t feel like the comments are warranted.

Is it reasonable of me to say something? Or am I just being overly sensitive? I’ve tried to just not eat as much while I’m in the office but then I feel like why should I? If I’m hungry and I want to eat, I should be able to.

Be direct. 'Are you always this rude, or do you just reserve it for people whose food intake you disapprove of???'

If we bring in food and it doesn’t all get eaten we take home ourselves, we don’t start making up piles for Maggie’s husband or Brian’s brother.

I get this at work a lot, mainly I think because I tend to have a hot meal rather than a sandwich. I think its all part of competitive under eating.

There's a comedian I follow who set herself a project of going to cafes and ordering two deserts each time, without apologising or explaining. It took her multiple attempts to practice before she could do so without making a self deprecating comment, she said it was really freeing. Also once she became more confident she realised how bizarre the reactions were, staff coming out of the kitchen to watch if she was really going to have the audacity to sit by herself and eat two deserts, and again many of the comments you describe - I couldn't possibly eat that, you must eat more than your husband etc.

Now when people tell me I must eat more than my husband I tell him I do. And I'm fine with that. (I genuinely do - I train 6 times a week, he's very sedentary) I don't see why eating more is implied to be something I should feel bad about!

This is an incredibly unhealthy workplace in so many ways!!!

Why on Earth are people bringing in so much unhealthy food??

Those commenting on your eating habits sound incredibly bitchy.

There seems to be a really unhealthy focus on food both from you and your colleagues.

🤣🤣🤣

It’s very rude. As you say, you wouldn’t comment on someone’s acne or similar. When I was young and slim I used to have really nice office lunches, made them at home, like wild rice, avocado, nuts etc. So many people would come and gaze at my lunch (hair flopping over it) and say things like ‘you do yourself well don’t you!’ It pissed me off and made me feel self conscious.

This is bullying and it's not acceptable behaviour.

How is your relationship with your manager? Do you feel comfortable telling them how this behaviour is crossing a line and to get them to stop? Or go to HR?

Or do you feel able to start calling them out? Thinking of some witty comments to come back with.

"Oh yes Susan, I forgot you were the Food Police"

"Give it a rest, you're like a broken record"

"I'm like a magical unicorn, I can eat like a horse, and not even gain an ounce"

I find women like this really horrible, jealous, nasty bitches.

Are you sure this isn’t to do with constantly eating at your desk throughout the day? If you’re only having lunch at the cafe, how do they know how much you eat?

I used to work with a woman who always snacked on really loud, messy and smelly food at all times of the day. It made me feel physically sick when I was trying to work.

It seems odd that 5 out of the six people are making comments. It is rude but is there more to it? I have been in casual meetings where someone has been eating and drinking non stop and it is irritating. Or maybe they think you are spending more time eating than working. For five people to be commenting there must be something going on.

The reasons they make those comments don't really matter, because you cannot change other people. There are lots of really messed-up ideas around food in our society, and everyone comes with their own pre-conceived idea of what should or shouldn't be happening.

Likewise, it shouldn't be anyone's business why you eat what or how much you do. There are, again, lots of reasons why you eat what you eat.

Therefore, the best way to deal with this is just to own it. No explanations, no excuses, no self-depreciation. "That's a lot of food" - "I know, right?" and walk off. "I couldn't eat as much as that" - "Ah, that's a shame" and walk off. "Where are you putting it all" - "In my mouth" and walk off.

Just say what you said here - you don't ever have cakes and snacks at home, so work are your 'cheat/treat' days.

Because there’s no need to comment things if they are rude?

But why is it rude. You eat food like everyone else.

Who cares if they are factual? Would you comment on someone’s weight? Their appearance?

It's a minefield, for sure. I have been known to say "I like your hair" ; "Those shoes are fab!"; and "That color suits you." All tremendously offensive since they amount to unsolicited opinions about appearance, according to MNrs.

NB: eating a lot isn't appearance. It's behaviour. OP hasn't said she was called fat either. Or even greedy (has she?) So no comments about appearance were made, and no negative comments about behaviour were made.

If any commenting on behaviour amounts to being tremendously offensive & unacceptable thing to do, then I look forward to MNers tying selves in knots about how to confront CFs without being tremendously rude.

I just want to eat my lunch in peace without people commenting negatively on my choices

Eating a lot isn't inherently negative thing. In my family we make many jokes about how much we eat and much admiration commentary about how much the teen boys can eat.... lucky them.

I would smile and say "I guess I'm lucky enough to be able to eat what I want and not put on weight".

They're just jealous as so many women exist on a calorie controlled diet that wouldn't look out of place in a concentration camp.

In my experience people who comment a lot on other people's eating habits tend to have some kind of disordered eating themselves. Either that or just low EQ. I would never comment on how much or how little someone eats - it always smacks of judgment and makes the person feel self conscious or bad about themselves. Makes them feel watched.

Offices are notorious for this sort of thing.

Just as bad in my eyes are the 'feeders'. The ones who try and force food on others and won't take no for an answer. 'Just have a little piece', 'take it and save it for later', 'a small piece won't kill you, 'you have to try some of this'

In that case you end up taking and eating or wasting food you just didn't want or ask for in the first place.

I feel for you Op, it would piss me off as well. I think I would turn passive aggressive back 'I have noticed that you are really interested in and watch what everyone eats don't you - have you always done that?'

I would assume your eating habits are more disruptive to the team than you realise. I worked with someone who ate a lot in the office and it was a point of genuine confusion for the rest of the team, but also an annoyance at how much of the work day she spent eating rather than working. She would bring in breakfast and spend 20 minutes eating that at her desk, then have a couple of snacks before lunch, lunch, and a couple of snacks after lunch too. I never said anything to her, but I know others commented on it as they found it irritating and distracting, not to mention the confusion at how she was easily consuming 3000+ calories between the hours of 9am and 5.30pm. It got raised with management (not sure who raised it) and the outcome was that nobody was allowed to eat at their desks outside of lunch time.

If a couple of your colleagues barely eat anything I guess they're watching their weight, therefore probably jealous that you eag what you fancy in the office. Still v rude though

You should never comment on what other people eat. Period.

@Anotherdayanotherdramaa the amount of calories someone eats was a genuine confusion to everyone in your office? I seriously doubt it, most people do not care what other people eat unless they have an issue themselves.

Why is it so difficult for people to comprehend that people can consume different amounts of calories based on thier lifestyle? All you see if what the person consumes at work, they might be doing intermittent fasting , they might be in the gym every night.

Stop judging people on what they eat based on a small proportion of the day. That aside, I can understand that eating a packet of crisps and all the rusting noise could be an annoyance, but that's as far as it goes, I'd never report someone though. That's seriously petty.

I'd ask them not to...

'would you mind NOT commenting on what I eat, it's become tedious and verging on the offensive now'.

And then if they carry on, I'd take it further. It's not really fair not to give them some warning you want it to stop as its likely they have absolutely no idea that it is so wearing, and likely they don't realise how many of them are doing the same thing. But I absolutely wouldn't tolerate it any longer.

@lljkk are you actually that naive or are you playing silly buggers?

I think the OP knows the difference, I think most people do - and the bottom line is this - it makes the OP feel uncomfortable and irritated. Therefore it needs to stop. It isn't necessary, it isn't relevant to work, and to keep on doing something wholly unnecessary and irrelevant that upsets or makes someone feel uncomfortable absolutely IS rude.

Yes it was, I didn't get involved but it was regularly discussed amongst the team - as in, every day. Nobody on our team was struggling with their weight or on any diets that they ever mentioned, nobody ever commented on how much anyone else ate in any other context, it was just the sheer amount this one person was eating. This person was average height and relatively slim build, and consumed 3000+ calories during the working day. She regularly said that she didn't go to the gym or do any exercise, and would discuss what they were having for dinner most days so wasn't intermittently fasting.
Some people were quite concerned that she might be unwell or bulimic but I assume she just had a very fast metabolism.

God, how tedious that sounds.

@Anotherdayanotherdramaa she could have had a medical condition such as hyperthyroidism. The point still stands, people need be less judgemental about eating habits , and it really is not fair that these people are continously commenting on what OP eats. If her example is typical of what she might eat on the days she is in the office, only 2 days a week, it doesn't sound like she is eating excessively.

Sounds like they have some sort of disordered eating issues and low key panic at the sight of a woman eating food.

This is really rude. Does your manager hear these comments?

Are you quite thin OP? They’re just jealous.

I an a size 8 - I lift weights and do cardio 4x week. Of COURSE I need to eat a decent amount of food.

I often get people commenting on my portion sizes. At a recent work event, I had several colleagues comment “ooh is this your wedding diet?”; “I honestly don’t know how you stay so thin” because I went up for a second helping of chips when there was absolutely loads of food left.

I said what I have said above - I exercise a lot and that allows me to eat more food