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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does your hearing impaired child struggle socially?

39 replies

MargeryDoors · 26/03/2024 16:24

Just that really.

DS is 5 and I’ve noticed he doesn’t seem to be getting on as well socially as some of his peers. He has a moderate bilateral hearing loss and wears aids. At home with us/in smaller groups/one on one with a friend he is great, but in school with larger class sizes/big playground he seems a bit withdrawn and perhaps less able socially than his hearing peers. He tends to stick with just one friend and doesn’t seem to want to bring other children into his play. He sometimes appears shy/ignores other children completely which he doesn’t tend to do out of school unless he doesn’t hear. I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he doesn’t like me asking questions and tends to shut down. I don’t think it’s the environment as such as he copes just fine in noisy busy places but add in the complexities of trying to establish friendships in those circumstances he seems to come unstuck a bit. I don’t think he’s unhappy but I just wanted to know if this is normal and if anyone could suggest ways in which I could help him please

OP posts:
ColleenDonaghy · 26/03/2024 16:51

Just bumping for you OP, hopefully someone with knowledge will come along. Smile

(I will say that my hearing 5yo is similar and can be a bit withdrawn in a larger group despite being very happy socially in smaller groups, but I appreciate you have deeper concerns.)

Original poster
MargeryDoors · 26/03/2024 16:59

Thanks for your reply and for the bump 😁 I think you’re right and lots of 5 year olds can be similar but I guess it’s just he seems a bit different to most of his peers in terms of his social skills and I think the hearing loss is probably the reason but I’d be interested to hear from others who have had similar experiences

OP posts:
Padamae · 26/03/2024 17:01

I think that is perfectly normal for a child with a hearing loss (well in my experience of 20 years of working with deaf children it is). He may cope fine on a noisy environment when he is talking to someone he knows and he can use additional tactics like lip reading and body language but put him in a group when he can't follow who is talking on misses information and people won't repeat what they have said, slow down or make sure he is included then of course he is going to find it more difficult. He may also just be a child that doesn't like larger friendship groups and prefers to interact 1:1. Does he has a teacher of the deaf that you could ask for some advice or some tactics he could practise for when he is in a larger group?

Simonjt · 26/03/2024 17:06

Yes, he’s now eight (almost nine) and in the last 6-12 months he has made huge steps in socialisation and self confidence. It is hard to tell what is usual shyness, and what is a result of his hearing impairment. Obviously children my sons age are a bit better socially, so more likely to realise he isn’t ignoring etc if they’re behind and talking to him etc.

ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:08

How can he follow group conversations? It's bound to hit his confidence when in this kind of environment.

Don't pressurise him as you will make him feel anxious and self conscious - reassure him it's fine not to like large gatherings and to do his own thing.

ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:10

And please don't use the term hearing impaired - it implies he is broken and not normal. Deaf is fine. The sooner he accepts his deafness and deaf identity the more it will help him.

ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:11

Does he mix with other deaf children - having deaf peers is so important for his confidence and wellbeing.

Original poster
MargeryDoors · 26/03/2024 17:16

ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:10

And please don't use the term hearing impaired - it implies he is broken and not normal. Deaf is fine. The sooner he accepts his deafness and deaf identity the more it will help him.

Really? I would say it correctly describes the fact that he doesn’t hear as well as he should. He is certainly not broken, one of his senses just doesn’t work as well as it should. I would have said deaf implies he cannot hear at all which is not the case. But I may be wrong about what is and is not PC.

OP posts:
Original poster
MargeryDoors · 26/03/2024 17:17

ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:11

Does he mix with other deaf children - having deaf peers is so important for his confidence and wellbeing.

Unfortunately we don’t know any other deaf children or children with a hearing loss.

OP posts:
Original poster
MargeryDoors · 26/03/2024 17:19

Simonjt · 26/03/2024 17:06

Yes, he’s now eight (almost nine) and in the last 6-12 months he has made huge steps in socialisation and self confidence. It is hard to tell what is usual shyness, and what is a result of his hearing impairment. Obviously children my sons age are a bit better socially, so more likely to realise he isn’t ignoring etc if they’re behind and talking to him etc.

Yes this is what I’m wondering. How much of his ‘struggles’ are just who he is (my husband isn’t particularly sociable whereas I am) and how much should be attributed to the fact that he can’t hear as well as his peers and the hearing aids may create a tricky environment for him to feel comfortable socially

OP posts:
Calamitousness · 26/03/2024 17:21

I was that hearing impaired child and was very withdrawn. Mainly because I needed to lip read and couldn’t in crowds etc. I stuck around my sister mostly or kids that lived beside me. I always had to sit at the front during school assemblies or class talks etc. It got massively better when I had an operation to fix my hearing. Then I came out my shell. I wouldn’t worry. Hearing aids are not great in crowds and in no way replace lost hearing. They are better than nothing but it’s nowhere near ‘normal’. Hope he grows out of it or can get improved with surgery. Either way he’ll be fine as he grows older and kids are less shouty.

ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:26

Really? I would say it correctly describes the fact that he doesn’t hear as well as he should. He is certainly not broken, one of his senses just doesn’t work as well as it should. I would have said deaf implies he cannot hear at all which is not the case. But I may be wrong about what is and is not PC.

Deaf does not mean total hearing loss which is pretty rare.

ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:28

Unfortunately we don’t know any other deaf children or children with a hearing loss.

Ask his teacher for the deaf if they know of other deaf children or groups.

grinandslothit · 26/03/2024 17:31

ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:10

And please don't use the term hearing impaired - it implies he is broken and not normal. Deaf is fine. The sooner he accepts his deafness and deaf identity the more it will help him.

Oh bore off with the word policing.

That is what is truly offensive

I really fucking hate others trying to tell me what to call my own disability.

ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:37

Tough cheese - I am proud to call myself deaf. I am not broken or impaired. Nothing wrong with me. Read up about the social model of disability.

ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:38

I really fucking hate others trying to tell me what to call my own disability.

I fucking hate people describing me as impaired.

Original poster
MargeryDoors · 26/03/2024 17:53

ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:38

I really fucking hate others trying to tell me what to call my own disability.

I fucking hate people describing me as impaired.

deaf, hard of hearing, hearing impaired - call it what you want - not really the point of this thread though 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:57

I think language matters - it's about helping your child feel confident and comfortable about his deafness. And that can help him navigate social situations.

MrsCratchitstwiceturneddress · 26/03/2024 18:01

My son had moderate bilateral hearing loss across all frequencies in both ears too. He wore hearing aids from about age 2 up until 7 or 8. He's always been cheerful and happy to interact with others but I wouldn't say he's ever had one specific group of friends and he's very happy in his own company. He's 20 now, at uni, part time job in retail, still very happy in his own company and quite content doing his own thing. He's well-known because he'll muck in with anything - volunteering with old ladies in charity shops, helping out at summer activity camps but he just doesn't seem to need a close friendship group.
Don't know how much of this is linked to his hearing loss as a child (as he grew and his body got bigger and he got more experienced at listening, he no longer needs hearing aids) and how much just reflects him as a person, but he knows who he is, isn't swayed to do things he doesn't want to and is generally cheerful, friendly and positive. Hope that reassures you a bit!

Original poster
MargeryDoors · 26/03/2024 18:01

ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:57

I think language matters - it's about helping your child feel confident and comfortable about his deafness. And that can help him navigate social situations.

Whether or not my child is called deaf, hard of hearing or hearing impaired isn’t going to affect how he is able to socialize at school is it?

OP posts:
ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 18:07

OP - the more confident and comfortable he feels about being deaf, the less anxious he will be.

If we make out that there is something wrong with him, it's not going to help him be less anxious and be more confident isn't it? This has an impact on his ability to socialise.

Look up NDCS - a charity for parents and their deaf children.

Wishing your child all the best.

828Pax · 26/03/2024 18:09

Both my children are deaf, my 9 year old is very sociable whereas my 5 year old is very much how you describe your son

BusySittingDown · 26/03/2024 18:11

It might just be his personality/personal preference.

Both my children have normal hearing and my oldest has always preferred socialising with one or two friends rather than a group, she's 16 and still sticks to mostly socialising with one person. My youngest was painfully shy at 5 and stuck to one friend at that age. Now at 13 she loves big groups.

I have bilateral moderate-severe hearing loss since birth and didn't struggle socially.

He's only 5, he's probably just finding his feet with peers. 🙂

BusySittingDown · 26/03/2024 18:16

ThePoetsWife · 26/03/2024 17:10

And please don't use the term hearing impaired - it implies he is broken and not normal. Deaf is fine. The sooner he accepts his deafness and deaf identity the more it will help him.

Nah, use whichever terminology you feel comfortable with OP!

Deaf is fine, so is hearing impaired - if that's what you prefer.

I've always referred to myself as deaf. My friend prefers to refer to herself as hearing impaired. 🤷‍♀️

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