A fruit tree and soup

[Loopyloo24]

Years ago we went to a garden centre to look at potential plants to put in the garden. We weren’t planning to buy anything because the house hadnt yet been built and the garden was a construction site. My husband decided he wanted to buy a plum tree and he wanted it there and then. I questioned the point - we didnt have anywhere to plant it yet - and he went off in a huff, equating my logical apporoach to me not caring about what he wants. His point was he doesnt ask for much so when he does I should go with it.

Years later this is still thrown back at me as a sign of me not caring about his feelings.

Yesterday he asked why i hadn’t made a soup he’d asked for a couple of weeks ago. the soup uses lots of ingredients we have to specially (& expensively) order- we’re not in the UK. He’d been looking at videos with our son seen the soup and sent me a photo of the credit card to buy the ingredients. I’d taken it as a joke because we were/are literally living on credit cards and the card he sent a photo of was the last available credit. In my head he was saying at some point can we make the soup - at some point when we actually have cash to buy the ingredients i would have made the soup.

He’s saying the soup and the fruit tree are examples of how i don’t actually listen or show him attention - see also not bringing him bowls of fruit when he’s working at home.

Am I actually being uncaring and unthoughtful or is he hyper-sensitive?

Gosh he sounds like hard work. I could t deal with that!

So many questions.

Why are you with him?
Why are you living on credit?
What on earth is the soup?
Why didn't he order the ingredients / make himself the soup instead of sending you a picture of the credit card?
Is he generally a twat / controlling?

And bowls of fruit?

If those are the best examples he can come up with for being hard done by over several years then I’d say he’s actually got it pretty good. He sounds ridiculous- clearly you can’t just put a fruit tree in a cupboard til you are ready to use it, so why can’t the grown man apply some sensible thinking instead of getting stroppy at his wife for pointing out the obvious?

What on earth is so special about this soup? And who in the world goes into further credit card debt over soup?!

YANBU

He could have bought the tree and planted it in a pot until he had somewhere to plant it out.

He can make the soup if he wants it so much, including buying the ingredients.

Who takes bowls of fruit to their partner whilst working? I thought I was good taking my dh a coffee or tea up to his garden office!

Bowls of fruit? Does he work as an emperor of ancient Rome?

This is very strange, how is the relationship normally? Debt stress can really impact a relationship. Does he talk this way often or has something bigger happened that's made him feel this way?
Would you say that you care about his feelings and show it?

This is one of the strangest problems I've ever read and I've been on MN a fair while!

😀

Shred the credit card and make him some plum soup.

There's clearly a communication disconnect. His lobster bisque will have to wait and he can have minestrone in the meantime.

If he wanted the bloody plum tree why didn't he just buy it? This is the bit I don't get. If he wants swanky soup can he not make it himself? Sounds to me as though he's blaming you instead of being a grown up. Are you in debt due to him?

Even if you took him the fruit he'd complain you hadn't peeled the grapes!!

Going right back to the beginning…if he wanted the plum tree why didn’t he just buy it and plant it where he wanted? Why did you have the power of veto over something so small?

The rest, I can’t even start to untangle.

That gave me a good belly laugh 🤣

Is he prone to holding extended grudges over very minor non-incidents?😬
You are a patient woman OP...in your position, I'd be struggling🤐

Is there something wrong with him that he can't buy the ingredients and make the soup himself?

And he wants you to bring him bowls of fruit when he's WFH? Does he have hands? Can he pick up the bowl of fruit himself and take it to his desk?

Is he usually this useless?

Immediately run for a soup bowl, stick a plum in it, put it on his desk.

Then go out. Honestly, what a bore.

Please come back OP.
I think we all have so many questions, especially regarding the ceremonial bringing of fruit to The Fruity One At His Desk 🍒🍍🍌🤔

“Yesterday he asked why i hadn’t made a soup he’d asked for a couple of weeks ago.”

Why can’t he make it himself? Why do his emotional whims and man-child tantrums not give you a massive ick?

He wants soup he buys the ingredients and makes it.
He has had years to also buy another fruit tree or plant lots of apple pips, plum stones, cherry stones et al and grown his own fruit trees.
He sounds lazy and demanding and very hard work.

Christ, I barely know where to start.

1. If he wanted a bloody plum tree that much, why didn't he just buy it?
2. If indeed there was nowhere to put the plum tree at the time, why didn't he just mention it again at a more suitable point in the garden's development?
3. WHO THE FUCK HOLDS ON TO A GRUDGE ABOUT A FUCKING TREE IN A GARDEN CENTRE FOR FUCKING YEARS, WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM
4. Why is he obsessed with soup?
5. What soup is so special that it requires niche ingredients that have to be ordered overseas?
6. Why can't he just order the ingredients and make his own soup?
7. Why does he think it's a good idea to buy soup ingredients on credit?
8. WHY CAN'T HE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE FUCKING SOUP, IT'S JUST SOUP, FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST
9. BOWLS OF FRUIT????!!!

@KreedKafer 🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆

There are some weird bloody threads on here today

The fruity one 😂

😂 this is exactly how I’m feeling!

1. because i apparently didn't get with the excitement so when i said shouldn’t we wait he just stormed off back to the car..without the tree. He says the problem isnt “the tree” but my lack of recognising that he wanted it and not questioning the logistics..where to plant the tree was apparently inconsequential
   I bought him another tree later that year but i guess he really wanted that tree? I dunno. Really don't understand the grudge and years later am so fed up of the reference to it.

2. he says its not about the soup but that i didn’t take his request seriously. Also says if i now make the soup he wont make it so yeah, toddler tantrum.

3. its just a chinese soup but because we love rurally abroad sesame oil/chillis/vinegars have to be ordered online and are expensive

4. i dont even make myself bowls of fruit but he thinks it’s a way to show that i’m thinking of him?!