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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not trust dad after he watched porn

51 replies

Limonjelly · 26/03/2024 09:23

Just trying to get some perspective on this. Me and my mum would often visit my gran on Sunday afternoons, and when we got back my dad would sometimes be in my bedroom on my computer. I was about 13/14 at the time and now in my mid 30s, for context. I found out from the browser history that he was watching porn. The reasons for this I believe are a) he only had a work laptop and obvs couldn't use that to watch porn and b) if it was on my computer and he got caught or something it would look like it was me looking at porn. Bearing in mind this was fairly early days of the internet and long before smartphones. Of course men watch porn, fine, but I've always found something unsettling about the circumstances here. Maybe it's just because it's my dad, I don't know?

Additionally, around this time there was an incident where he'd been on my computer and somehow accessed my MSN messenger chat history. Firstly, a huge betrayal of trust. The chat history would have been totally innocent and banal chat of a 14yo girl and her friends. Yes, some talk of boys etc, but nothing to be concerned about. But my dad made a big thing in front of the family about how the chats I was having were totally inappropriate and shameful? I think one of my friends had made some joke about blow jobs and he took it totally out of context and made a HUGE fuss about it. It was quite strange and out of proportion, and I wonder if he was trying to add evidence to covering up his little porn habit, but can't say for sure.

I've basically never truly trusted my dad since these things happened, and it still bothers me today. Bit of a weird thing to discuss irl. Also worth adding that my dad was emotionally abusive over years, so I'm not especially close with him anyway. Aibu to still feel this way?

OP posts:
Hello39 · 08/01/2025 10:43

MummySam2017 · 26/03/2024 10:03

I think there is something quite disturbing about adults watching porn on a child’s laptop or having sex in the earshot of children. My step-father did similar things when I was growing up, he’d half-heartedly hide porn, but it was always in spaces accessible to me or places I was asked to get something out of. Yes, watching porn is common amongst adults, but I think indulging in this on a child’s laptop is not okay. It’s obviously had an impact on you, OP. I think unless an individual is in that sort of environment growing up, it’s difficult to explain the confusing feelings this brings up for a child or their adult self.

I find your stepfather's behaviour really concerning

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