To wish that my sister's boyfriend didn't stay over all week?

[77yt]

My sister and I are both in our 20s and still live at home with parents, neither of us are in the financial position to move out. We both pay rent/keep. All 4 of us (5 with the boyfriend included) all share a single bathroom, which means in the morning it's already like a military operation to ensure that there is enough time to get in the bathroom before we all start work. However, with her boyfriend staying it's another person that needs to get in there and he ends up using my 'slot' which means I have to get up earlier at 5:45am.

Her boyfriend stays over every week night as he lives further out from his job, so by staying he shaves off 40 minutes of his commuter.

AIBU to think 5 adults trying to get in the bathroom before 8am is too many?

Why?

Different generation I guess. Just seems a bit unseemly.

Would he have allowed a son to have a girl sleepover? Because men like that will almost always practically high five their sons when they get a girl into bed.

Dont you think it’s time to stop treating women’s sexuality as shameful? To stop counting women’s worth by their virginity? To celebrate that women can enjoy sex the same way men do?

Its a different time, but it’s also time for people to grow up and stop trying to gatekeep women’s sexuality by treating it as something dirty and unseemly. It’s time to grow up.

Ooh he definitely had the same attitude with my brothers. So no difference there. It was more about maintaining standards really. It’s not really a reasonable ask to expect a father to “celebrate” that his daughter is having sex. Boundaries are important.

Absolutely nonsense! It's your house! Only your parents can say otherwise.
How dare he?
It's unhealthy for everyone including your sister!
If he was her husband then he's a part of the family but still subject to your parent then their children.

Goodness!!

I’m sorry… virginity is a standard? A standard to adhere to?
Have we somehow failed if we have sex before marriage. I had two kids before marriage. Guess I’m definitely sub-par and “below standards.”

And quite rightly so!
But hey! This is Mumsnet! The absurd is most celebrated and encouraged.

Not at all - l would never say that anyone is sub-par or anything like that. It’s hard for younger people to understand, but what I’m describing was pretty much the norm years ago. It was called respect.

Of course sex before marriage happened but it wasn’t promoted or encouraged, and certainly not under your father’s roof.

Jesus. The parent who won’t allow an adult to have a partner stay over… because it’s improper? Unseemly?

If your children can be responsible and sensible and mature over a partner, why do you have to act like such idiots about it?

Unless he’s paying rent same as you, he can Jack right off, frankly. CF.

How long do you all spend in the bathroom???? There were 7 of us, and we all managed just fine. My own "slot" is 7.50, and I still get out of the house by 8.15 with my daughter.
Just tell them that you can't be getting up at that time in the morning and they need to work something else out, even if they end sharing your sisters slot. Thirty minutes I'd more than enough time for 2 adults to have a shower and s**t.

He isn’t a guest if he stays every night, or close to it.

You need a discussion about the bathroom slots as he shouldn’t be taking yours. There needs to be a fair rota for everyone. He also needs to stay paying his way!

Why should she move out? Surely her sister and bf should? They’d have more money to combine for a start.

My father had the same attitude as yours. He was born over 100 years ago! I don't think many people have that mindset now.

I think your parents should be managing this! Especially if you are uncomfortable about it. This is theirs, and your, home!

Five adults trying to get ready for work in the morning in one bathroom is too many! The bf needs to find a different solution like using the gym showers on the way to work and he shouldn’t be staying over that regularly in a crowded family home.

You are not unreasonable to find it exasperating, but you are unreasonable to think you should have any say in what happens in someone else's house. You don't own it so you get no say.

She should get more say than some random bloke!

She pays towards her living in HER family home

Tell him to F off one of them gets up earlier or he doesn't shower its that simple it's your home not his why are you all tip toeing around him and your sister .
They likely sent even realise its an issue because no one is saying anything tell them and see what happens

@77yt Why is he taking your slot? Tell him to bloody wait or get up earlier!

tbh i would be mortified if i found out i was causing this much agg to my new gf’s sister and she was suffering in silence, so I think the bf would appreciate a heads up.

I don’t think it’s all that relevant whether he also contributes to the household as you still shouldn't be the one at a disadvantage due to him being there, but I also think it can and should be raised without doing the whole ‘You don’t pay rent here’ thing if he doesn’t.
Hope that made sense. And I also agree this should be resolved via your sis at first if poss.

I would calmly inform sis (but tell, not ask) that you’re reverting to your usual slot and that the rest is for her/her bf to figure out. If she still doesn’t do anything about it, that’s when, unfortunately, you have to say to bf, sorry Bernard, as I explained to sis last week, I’ll need to take my old bathroom slot back from you as it’s not working for me to have to get up earlier to accommodate you being here.

Can he not go in the bathroom with your sister and they just have an extra 5 minutes or so to use the toilet etc privately but tooth brushing, skin care etc, hair can easily be done at at the same time or just so it in their room.

It's not ideal but I wouldn't be expecting my child to wake up ridiculous o'clock to accommodate a stranger with his own house

All I can think of is that the last person gets a warm toilet seat 😳

If he's staying for the majority of the week he should be paying. At the very least, should be taking the slot no one wants/working around those who do pay. If he's staying that often I definitely wouldn't class him as a guest.

Have a shower the night before and keep your toothbrush and toothbrush in your room. Clean your teeth at another sink. Downstairs toilet? Bathroom at work?
I have a lodger who is nice enough but very inconsiderate with the bathroom so I work around it...

Well no, it's him who should be doing these things (if he continues staying as much). Definitely not the OP. She and her parents need to set some ground rules and be firm.