To let DD go away with Brownies/Girlguides on her birthday?

[BrowniesGoingAway]

She’s 9, almost 10 and a Brownie.

We have a party planned for the weekend before and will do a day out during the summer holidays (her birthday is about 3 weeks before the big summer holiday so we always “delay” a day out until the summer).

Her birthdays the Friday and the entire district have a weekend away planned Friday to Sunday. It’s her dads weekend with her but as it’s her birthday it’d be a shorter weekend (as in I’d have her for her actual birthday overnight then she goes to her dads the next day and does birthday 2.0 with him rather than him having her Friday -Sunday as he usually would). ExH is happy for her to go away for her birthday if she wants to go away and is happy to pay for it as part of one of her birthday presents (as it’s expensive, usually pack holidays cost £40-60 for 2 nights, this is £120 for 2 nights due to the activities their doing).

DD wants to go, it’s all she’s talking about, her best friend who is a Brownie in another pack is going, her Brownies (in her pack) friends are all going, her cousin (on her dad’s side) is going who is a Guide. She literally cannot see a drawback. Brownies have said she can go later so I can do birthday cake/candles with her at home or I can stay for their evening meal and they’ll do cake/candles as pudding if I supply enough cake for her pack to all have some (this is what DD wants me to do) - if I do the latter option I'd just buy cupcakes and DD can have 1 candle on a cake.

The reason I’m asking if AIBU is my family keep saying I shouldn’t let her go and she should realise that it’s a clash and people want to see her on her birthday and the weekend around it. I’m also apparently spoiling her already with a party and a day out (usually it#s one or the other but it’s a big birthday so it’s both this year, next year it’ll be day out, year after party) as she also always gets a day out with Ex-PILs for her birthday. They said by letting her go and ExH paying for it I’m teaching her she can have everything.

She is aware that it’ll mean less presents from her dad, she actually says she doesn’t care about getting things and quote “Would love love love to do all the activities and have an extra special sleepover with all her friends”.

Obviously I want to spend time with her on her birthday but I also don’t want to hold her back or her to resent me for letting something like a date in a calander a big deal. She lives with me 95% of the time (EOWend with her dad) and I work Term Time Only, so I can always celebrate with her properly a few weeks later.

We'd have an hour or so in the car as I'd have to drive her to take her and ExH will pick her up on the Sunday and bring her home but obviously it's not a full blown birthday evening together due to it.

So AIBU to let her go?

[Ghostgirl77]

Of course it’s not unreasonable. Her birthday is for her to celebrate however she wants, not for family to claim some sort of weird ownership of her!

[DarkCloudy]

Of course she should go! It would be very mean to stop her going just because other people want to see her on her birthday.

[Meredithwho]

Definitely let her go! I’d have loved this when I was younger.

[Octavia64]

Your family are selfish. Let her go

[Overlyanxious]

YANBU. Surely they can celebrate another day with her. The important thing is to have a celebration - doesn't have to be the exact day.

[Ted27]

Not at all, my son had a birthday on a scout camp weekend.
He had an absolute ball, I supplied cake.
We did birthday together before.

She will have a great time.

[InTheRainOnATrain]

Of course you let her go! It would be the worst birthday ever if she missed on a trip that involved all her friends, who were all having a great time without her, whilst she’s at home to appease Grandma or whoever it is that’s saying this stuff. And quite frankly they sound awful. Since when is a brownie trip that just happens to be coincidentally on her birthday, a day out in the summer holidays and a party spoiling a child? Seriously WTF.

[purpleme12]

Of course you should let her go.
These things don't happen every week! The brownies camps I mean
If it's what she wants to do I can't see a reason to say no honestly.
My child would love this. Probably a bonus if it was on her birthday for her!

[Throwawayme]

Yes absolutely she should go. Her birthday is about her and not about the other people who want to see her. Sounds like she'd be gutted to miss out

[TroysMammy]

I'd let her go, she will have a wonderful time and a birthday with her friends too. They leave Brownies for Guides when they are 10 so this will be her last Brownie weekend away and last birthday as a Brownie.

[MojoMoon]

As she gets older, her friends become increasingly important to her. This is a natural process.

She wants to go - she wants to do fun activities with her friends. This is more important and more fun for her than spending a set hours on her birthday with blood relatives.

You see her all the time. She knows you are there. It is a positive that she feels secure enough to be more independent and spend a weekend on a trip without worrying you will forget her /don't care etc.

Let her go. Don't stay for dinner unless she really wants you to - parents are starting to be a bit embarrassing and no other parents will be there.

[toastofthetown]

I’d let her go. I had three consecutive birthdays aged 10-12 away from my family because school trips etc were then, and I wanted to go on those trips. It’s her birthday and it’s clear she wants to go on the trip.

[WoodBurningStov]

She'll have an absolute blast if she goes away, I think your family are being a bit batshit tbh

[huuskymam]

Let her go. She'd probably be miserable on the day of her birthday wondering what her friends are doing and wishing she was there. Her birthday can be celebrated any time.

[Geebray]

Let her go! And ignore your family, they're a grownups and will just have to cope.

[BrowniesGoingAway]

@MojoMoon

As she gets older, her friends become increasingly important to her. This is a natural process.

She wants to go - she wants to do fun activities with her friends. This is more important and more fun for her than spending a set hours on her birthday with blood relatives.

You see her all the time. She knows you are there. It is a positive that she feels secure enough to be more independent and spend a weekend on a trip without worrying you will forget her /don't care etc.

Let her go. Don't stay for dinner unless she really wants you to - parents are starting to be a bit embarrassing and no other parents will be there.

@MojoMoon She wants me to do the cake and candles thing, parents are allowed to stay for evening meal anyway so I definitely won't be the only one

[Seeline]

I have taken many Brownies on Pack holiday, and several had birthdays over the years. They had a great time.
DD went to Guide camp over her birthday - I sent enough cake for everyone, and just a little present and card for her to unwrap on the day. She got special treatment on the day.
If your DD wants to go, I'd definitely let her.

[ExperiencedTeacher]

Definitely let her go! I did a PGL residential for 4 nights when I turned 11. I still look back on it as the best birthday of my childhood, despite being very close to my family. It was an amazing experience.

[VickyEadieofThigh]

Please let her go - it would be so sad if she had to miss it because Granny (and/or whoever) 'want to see her' on HER birthday.

[sockarefootwear]

I think your family are being incredibly selfish- what they really mean is they want to do things a specific way and your DD having her own view on how she wants to spend her birthday is getting in the way of what they want.

I am a leader in Scouting and often have children at camp on their birthdays. We make a bit of a fuss of them with cake and singing etc and they basically get to feel that the whole weekend is one huge birthday celebration with a sleepover with loads of friends and new experiences. Some of them still talk about 'my birthday camp' years later. The coincidence of a special camp being on her birthday is not likely to happen again so I'd want her to make the most of it. You can have a family celebration on another day. It sounds like your DD is being very sensible about having the cost of this as part of her birthday present and her Dad is supportive too so other family members just need to learn that their wishes are not the priority on a child's birthday.

[sweeneytoddsrazor]

Let her go. If its PGL or something like that she will have an absolute blast. They will bring the cake out and the entire room will end up singing Happy birthday .
And no I wouldn't stay for dinner either

[JustMarriedBecca]

Agreed. Sounds like the best birthday party ever. And if you can stay for a Pack birthday, all the better.
Your family are being weird
They can send her off or if they want to see her, say you are taking her out for breakfast before school on the Friday and they can see you at 7am. Bet they aren't so bothered then

[Dilbertian]

Send her! What fun it will be for her to have the whole park celebrate with her!

Her birthday is hers, not her wider family's.

My dc have been away on residential and camps over their birthdays and loved it.

[MidnightPatrol]

Why on earth is her birthday being made to be such a massive deal among your family?

Your daughter wants to go. You are happy for her to go. It sounds like your exH is happy for her to go (as he is paying?).

Nothing else is relevant.

Tell your family to stop guilt-tripping you over something that should be a happy event. It's not like they're unable to celebrate her birthday with her a week after the event.

[BrowniesGoingAway]

@MidnightPatrol

Why on earth is her birthday being made to be such a massive deal among your family?

Your daughter wants to go. You are happy for her to go. It sounds like your exH is happy for her to go (as he is paying?).

Nothing else is relevant.

Tell your family to stop guilt-tripping you over something that should be a happy event. It's not like they're unable to celebrate her birthday with her a week after the event.

@MidnightPatrol They have a thing about birthdays being family occasions, and it being celebrated before or after being the "wrong" thing to do so they won't come to her birthday party (well her same age and slightly older cousins will) the week before as it's not her birthday.