Early waking MIL help

[allthenoise]

I love my MIL and we get on really well and would appreciate honest replies.

PIL staying with us for a couple of nights. DS2 (1) had a rubbish night sleep (up for a couple of hours between 1 and 3 am).

It was 6 am and he was crying again. I was in there with him trying to get him back to sleep and he was doing a sleepy cry.

He just put his head down to go back to sleep, still doing sleepy cry and MIL walks in saying good morning and obviously child doesn't want to sleep anymore.

There wasn't any knock or consideration that I was in there and potentially not dressed. AIBU to be annoyed?

I feel like I have no privacy. She always makes us a cup of tea and brings it into our bedroom in the morning. I feel very awkward and have tried to say I would rather get up and make it for everyone (so I can make sure I'm dressed appropriately). Half the time I don't wake up early enough due to being up with the children.

I know she is just trying to be nice and I should be grateful but I feel very on edge in my own home.

I’d call it quite a big issue, actually. I’d hate someone (anyone) to barge in. The OP doesn’t want her coming in, it disturbs her and her child when they might both go back to sleep. So annoying. It’s partly why I won’t stay at my mother’s, she simply doesn’t respect privacy, thinks it’s fine to barge in and wake up people, storm into the bathroom even if someone’s in there on the loo. Really annoying.

Talk to her again AND stick a note on your bedroom door saying. ' NO CUPS OF TEA, NO KNOCKING before 8.30' on case she forgets.

Definitely this.

I'd even go so far as to try to find a B&B or an AirBnB nearby and say that on this occasion you think it would be best if they continued their stay nearby as you feel that DS waking so early is disrupting their stay and you need to feel that you can put your child back down to sleep without PiL walking in and taking over where they weren't required at that moment in time. Also you are very very uncomfortable with MiL walking in under the guise of being 'nice' or 'thoughtful' or whatever with the morning cup of tea/coffee so you really have to be firm here.

That's what I'd do. The next time they want to visit, point them in the direction of the B&B or AirBnB where you put them up the last time and say that this would be best for them going forwards.

I get his family, his problem, but in my family its the women who run things, so it would be me having strong words.

My line would be “You’re very welcome to make yourself tea but I like my first cup downstairs. Do feel free to go down and make yourself at home”. No need for lectures about boundaries. Do people really talk to each other like this?

You can buy a bolt from homebase. 😀

I would just put a lock on the bedroom door. If she asks about it, say, "Because my bedroom is a private space and I don't want anybody walking in when I might be in bed or getting changed."

I like the wedge. “Why did I put a wedge under the door? Because you keep ignoring the conversations we’ve had about staying out of our rooms in the morning.”

Even my own dc wouldn't just walk into my room. .
We have a wedge for ahem non mil reasons!!

When my DC were little, my Mum and MIL would both get up at 6ish when they were staying to do the early shift with the DC and I am forever grateful to them for this, particularly to MIL as she is not a morning person and so this was a real effort for her. When my DC have children, I imagine I will try & do the same. This will be from a place of kindness and wanting to give them a chance to catch up on their sleep. Perhaps your MiL is the same

@alphabettispagetti I assume this will be discussed beforehand rather than by barging into your room and taking baby

Awkward one as obviously she thinks she's being nice.

I'd try and get your husband to have a word but being very delicate.

She doesn’t forget, she does it deliberately to wear you down into removing boundaries.

DH needs to have a strict word with her. If she won’t stop then she shouldn’t stay.

Oh dear, just get a b & b for a few days till shes gone.
Or make sure your Nk"**ed at all times until they both Run away.
Im sure theres SOMETHING you can do to get Rid.

Or getting whipped.

Perhaps mil is a earth angel, more reason for you to feel guilty .

I've had a couple of occasions when a person who was visiting someone else into the house came upstairs and walked into my bedroom "for a chat" without knocking or being invited. I was quite surprised about how annoyed I was about it. I'm not really an angry person, but having them do that quite made me feel that they should no longer be visiting my house at all. I think it is a boundary thing, but it seems to matter a lot.

Put down the wine.

I know it's not addressing the root of the issue, but if it's your house, could you not put a high up lock on the inside of your bedroom door?

Unbelievable rudeness to walk into someone’s bedroom uninvited, especially when you are a guest

I don’t even enter my stepson’s room without knocking and I’m paying the mortgage!

Just remembered that when my mum was alive she used to come and stay for weeks on end and had form for scuffling around in our drawers and cupboards “helping” (rearranging and snooping - also marking her territory) requests to desist were ignored, getting frustrated or angry were met with the poor, sainted matyr or tears, etc… Finally I asked her in front of my DH “What are you looking for exactly, our sex toys or the filming equipment? I can just tell you where they are if you want to know…” She was so horrified that she never went into our room again. I also thought my DH was going to inhale his lips.

Can you not lock the door?

Don't agree with leaving it to DH to tell her. You need to tell her. Be direct and honest.
My MIL used to bring tea but would knock 1st. I had no issue with it.
Grandparents can't help themselves giving unwanted asvice. It's annoying.
If she doesn't listen put lock on door

My MIL used to do this. She'd come in with a cup of tea at a time when she deemed it appropriate to wake up, after nights of me being awake with the baby, breastfeeding every couple of hours. I think in her case it was meant kindly, as it was just what she was used to. Dh just had a polite word and explained we needed to catch up on sleep in the mornings, and it never happened again. I'm not quite sure how I'd approach it if she didn't 'remember' though. Air bnb I think.

This is really unfair on you. You need you sleep. I think older people who need less sleep sometimes forget how awful it feels to get up early after a bad night. And slamming cupboard doors is somehow seen as productive and cheery. Good luck!