To stop?

[Mommatron2]

So, I have been drinking wine most nights and understand this may be problematic and take full responsibility for this. However DH pulled me up on Friday and said that I am different person when I drink, he said I become annoying and can tell when he calls me at 8pm on his way home just by the way I answer the phone if I have had a drink or not. This frightened me so I haven’t touched a drink since (one week)

does this happen to anybody else, I really enjoy wine but am
now terrified to drink it. Was supposed to be going out with the girls on Friday for a night out but I have cancelled as I don’t want to drink. My mum was an alcoholic and literally horrible to me when she had had a drink so I would hate my kids to have the same reflection of their childhood. I honestly thought I wasn’t bad as I don’t start arguments or anything I just change my accent for some reason it’s bizarre!!

I have OCD too so I think it takes some of that away as I worry so much about anything and everything. Sometimes it is a good thing as I can notice when I am doing wrong and my OCD allows me to overcome it as I feel like a bad person etc.

My OCD got so bad after my second child because I BF my first child for a bit less time and I couldn’t get it out of my head.

I think there are sub-groups in society where it’s very much the done thing, especially for a few years. Pretty much all my friends with professional jobs drank more nights than not in our 20s. Then things settled a bit and then in our late 30s when we started having children, drinking picked up again. Wine at the end of the day once the kids were in bed to unwind. Wine at afternoon get togethers. Cocktails with Sunday lunch, etc. Anytime we got together, alcohol would be suggested and usually drunk. When kids got to be about 6 or 7 it started slowing down again. In part because at least 3 of my friends gave up altogether - fueled by realizations like yours.

So I don’t think you’re the norm, but also not that unusual. Drinking culture in the UK can be problematic but it looks like you’re getting a handle on it.

For what it’s worth I cut right back myself and there have been a lot of benefits.

Was you drinking large amounts? X

You are not your mother, @Mommatron2 .

And this little wake up call doesn't mean you're becoming her, either.

Your partner has pointed out something that is within your power to change, and which you are changing.

Being less than perfect doesn't make a terrible person or an awful mother, I promise.

@Mommatron2 very random I came across this as was talking to my partner about this yesterday as he is having MH issues and mainly triggered by his upbringing. You would never think it looking at the family at all perfectly standard from the outside. One thing he mentioned was his parents drinking and how they regularly drank a bottle a night they aren’t big drinkers as in going out but were/are big at home just a glass while cooking, followed by another etc. a clear memory was having to wake his mum up from the sofa when he was going to bed. It wasn’t that they were abusive or anything but reflecting he said what were they doing they have a kid and work the next day. It’s clearly something that’s stuck with him as a 34 year old

Have you ever got help for the OCD?

I love your posts being it’s like you are gradually realising what is happening. I’m also the child of an alcoholic, we don’t have a ‘normal’ to look out for. It’s all or nothing.

I don’t think that you are a bad person. You just need help for the OCD and alcohol (which are very likely connected).

When the kids were around 4+ I was drinking (roughly) a bottle and a half of wine (split a bottle with DH on 3 nights) plus 2 or 3 cocktails a week, occasionally more if a big occasion. My guess is that I was one of the lighter drinkers of my peers. Cut that down to a bottle a week and maybe one cocktail when the kids were ~ 9 and then a year ago cut down to half a bottle a fortnight due to DH being diagnosed with a condition that meant he needed to drink less. Haven’t noticed much difference with most recent cut back, but going down to half a bottle a week + 1 cocktail was huge change and made me realise I should have done it much sooner.

How about a bottle a week with your dp, means half a small glass per night. That's ok I think and more of a habit rather than a problem. Mix it up some nights with herbal teas, hot chocolate etc. You're definitely not alone, I know many people who drink wine most evenings. It becomes a problem when it changes your behaviour or you gradually want more and more. You see very aware so I don't think you have a problem, it's about control, not letting ho completely. Often when you let go completely then you might crave it then the problem becomes self created

I am massively determined not to turn into my mother. I will not do that to the kids, I am not saying I will never drink again, I just need to not drink for a while and maybe I will wonder why I ever did in the first place. My heart hurts when I think about them and ever hurting them in any way.

Did your parent ever stop drinking?

I think you've got this inverted. Why not try flipping it so you don't drink anything Monday to Friday and only drink in moderation at the weekends.

I'm not going to vouch for what's normal because I probably only go out drinking 3 or 4 times a year. I don't bother with drinking at home as it's a "going out" sort of activity for me.

Good luck with it.

Just going to do a while without first, I never used to drink at home either. Just think I got myself into the habit of it but I don’t need it.

Love this thank you x