To stop?

[Mommatron2]

So, I have been drinking wine most nights and understand this may be problematic and take full responsibility for this. However DH pulled me up on Friday and said that I am different person when I drink, he said I become annoying and can tell when he calls me at 8pm on his way home just by the way I answer the phone if I have had a drink or not. This frightened me so I haven’t touched a drink since (one week)

does this happen to anybody else, I really enjoy wine but am
now terrified to drink it. Was supposed to be going out with the girls on Friday for a night out but I have cancelled as I don’t want to drink. My mum was an alcoholic and literally horrible to me when she had had a drink so I would hate my kids to have the same reflection of their childhood. I honestly thought I wasn’t bad as I don’t start arguments or anything I just change my accent for some reason it’s bizarre!!

Yes I do admit I was overdoing it and need to stop. The past week hasn’t been too bad, just when I am about to cook tea I like to open wine, I have been having a nice cup of tea instead.

I honestly feel like the worst person ever, I am so depressed about it.

The fact you are facing this head on rather than continuing with unhealthy habits prove you are a good person ♥️

You deserve to be happy and healthy. I'm proud of you ♥️

thank you so much

No point beating yourself up about yesterday’s spilt milk. Just resolve to do better for yourself today. You are worth it!

Stop drinking. You'll not regret it however if you continue drinking you will have regrets.

Given your history and your behaviour I would stop drinking. There are potentially genetic links to alcoholism.

Your frequency and volume (bottle) is not healthy. Plenty of people with drink issues can regulate themselves for decades but as you appear to have slipped into an unhealthy relationship with drink it is best avoided.

I would suggest kindly you seek some support, alcohol dependency in parents can be abusive in many ways.

Support how?

I am not abusive

I gave up alcohol last April after a minor hangover made me realise that I wasn't 100% present for my children after a drink.

Now, almost a year later I realise I wasn't my best person after a drink. I am happier without.

My mum is also an alcoholic (she's now dry purely because she has Korsakoffs). I remember that awful change in voice where you know you'd be getting the drunk version. That was one of the reasons I stopped, didn't want my kids to experience any of that.

Lots of mums drink and are ok with it but are they affecting their children without knowing?

I would suggest starting with alcohol anonymous or similar. Drinking to your extent around children or responsible for children is abusive. Trust me your 8 year old will notice the bottles, the smells the noises .

Alcohol abuse isn't just a person being abusive it is the alcohol creating an abusive environment. I worked supporting many young people in my college days. , lots of adults have issues of their parents behaviour with alcohol from their childhood.

But it is so normalised and literally everybody I know drinks

I'm on the other side of this. My DH wfh and has been having a couple of drinks every evening before I get home thinking I don't know about it.
I can tell as soon as I walk in the door, it changes his mood slightly, he forgets things & repeats himself so nothing terrible but it then changes my approach to him and I'm short/impatient with him.
A couple of weeks ago he had a few days when he didn't drink and it was so lovely having him as his normal self for the evening.
I kept hoping he'd stop but in the end I told him I knew he was drinking as it's really annoying and I missed who he really is. He said he'd just got into the habit and agreed that he didn't realise the change in himself so has stopped drinking every night.

I’m definitely odd in my friendship group. They think I’m very self controlled not drinking every night. I’ve never “confessed” I don’t actually drink every weekend either. I do drink soft drinks from gin or wine glasses though - feels more grown up 😂

I can’t say I’ve ever noticed anyone change after just one drink -two maybe they’re a bit louder/more confident.

definitely a good idea to start healthy habits. Good luck!

All of my friends drink wine every evening but I just don’t want to do that anymore. I think I just become annoying and forgetful and I don’t want that, I’ve never done it before so why now?

I understand what you are saying but I am mortified at this and never thought of it like that.

I agree @Mommatron2 even at some of my NCT meetups the wine would be cracked out! I enjoyed it at the time but looking back it is a bit strange.

My rule is that I don't drink inside the house - pub lunch on a Sunday? I'll have 1, maybe 2 glasses of wine. Film night at home with my husband? I have a hot chocolate instead.

You definitely seem to have a skewed view of alcohol and "everyone is doing it". No, they're really not. Most people probably have a couple of drinks at the weekend or when they're socialising. Those who are drinking every night are not doing themselves, their body or their families any favours whatsoever and it will catch up with them eventually.
To answer your question about does it affect your kids? Yes, yes it does. I know a functioning alcoholic. She would never admit to it though. Her kids, now adults, choose to have nothing to do with her when she does finally deign to get in touch.

It must just be in the group I am in then I think which is obviously a small amount of people.

I am admitting to it and want to change.

No, you’re dealing well with it. No one has to drink - and I stay well away from people who pressure others into drinking. I would also drop the friends who do drugs.

There is a middle ground - I like a glass or two at the weekend, but that’s it.

But if you’re at all concerned about the amount you’re drinking, cutting it out totally or at least for a while might well be your best option.

You don’t need to not go out because you aren’t drinking , I’ve been a non drinker since I was 19 and it has never stopped me socialising . Just tell people you are having a dry month and have a soft drink .

I’m not, not going out because I am not drinking. It doesn’t bother me that I won’t drink. I just don’t want to be around drunk people as it’s annoying as hell when sober!

plus I have been asked to do a shift at work for double time.

i am just not into the part scene anymore.

It sadly is very common. I do a little work around eight to ten year olds and they do have some eye opening insights to their parents behaviour.

Make sure though you find something that is your release, your relaxant. Also don't forget to step up time for yourself - hobbies activities etc. I think sometimes drinking can also be a filler for loneliness or boredom

I feel like such an awful mother. I love my children beyond words, how could I do this to them? Surely if I loved them like I thought I did I wouldn’t have ever drank at all.