To think buying my own place would be a terrible idea?

[nohouseforme]

Dp and I have been together a few years and live together. He owns his house but I don't pay towards the mortgage but do pay a contribution to bills and pay for most of our food. We aren't married and won't be getting married.

Basically, due to a combination of horrible bad luck and less than stellar life choices I've ended up in the situation where I have no significant assets and no real savings of my own. I have no private pension and have accepted a long time ago that I will (barring a miracle or lottery win) never own my own property and will likely have to work until I drop. Whilst I'm not 'fine' with this I've accepted it is what it is. I was born into a poor family and have never had much, living in extreme poverty at times, and as such I've given up being frustrated at not being able to afford certain things, am very frugal, and just generally try not to stress out about financial things as I know I don't have much choice and I will just have to deal with things as and when they come up as I always have. I work full time but just above MW which is very standard for this area and I'm very lucky to have even found a full time contract. I'm very proud of myself for finally paying off all my debt so am now completely debt free and trying to build up my credit rating.

My contrast Dp has been very fortunate. From a middle class family, got family help with his house deposit and earns quite well. He works hard and is careful with money but I think is a little bit blind to the good luck and extra advantages he has had over many (including me) that's helped put him in this position.

He's been encouraging me to save a deposit for my own place which I can then rent out and is a potential source of income for retirement.

Whilst I agree this is a good plan in theory, in practise I think it would be a terrible idea.

I have max £200 a month of disposable income to put into savings for a deposit. If I did so, after 5 years I'd have a deposit for a very cheap place, but in those 5yrs I then could not do anything more than the basics. No holidays, no paying for any unexpected expenses, nothing. That's really not a sacrifice I'm prepared to make!

Also, I'd then have to worry about fees and the like which are thousands extra, and renting comes with huge additional expenses and risks like someone trashing your place, just general wear and tear that comes with being a landlord, tenants who refuse to leave and having to go through expensive court proceedings to get them out, etc. That's if a bank would even give me a mortgage in the first place as I'm in my 40's and don't earn much.

I don't disagree that investing in something for the future is a good idea but I don't think this is a viable option. Aibu and should seriously consider this, or am I right and DP is BU to think this is possible in my current circumstances?

What are the numbers? Agree with pps min wage full time should leave you with a lot more than £200-300 a month (you don't now have debt payments I assume).

How much are you spending in a month towards the food bill and this bills contribution

It sounds like your bills contribution is too high.

Are you paying for expensive food shops at his level? Or paying for social stuff just to keep up with him.

If you lived solo you could cut right down on outgoings, live off basic food.

My issue with this situation is you are supposed to be a partnership. He is making himself more financially secure by the fact that you living with him but you are not - even if you say you don't pay the mortgage you do really, as you pay towards the bills & the running of the house & make a payment to him even if you don't make the actual payment to the mortgage company.
Would he consider a restructure of finances - value the house, ring fence his capital then take out a new mortgage jointly but also make separate investments to pensions, ISA etc.
You could become a landlord but it isn't easy &/or isn't something to do without alot of research

You've done so well, to survive every difficulty, get out of debt and be in a secure job. It's quite something. Yet it's concerning that you are paying towards bills to the point where you have only £200 a month left to save. That means that if you split you wouldn't even have enough to rent a place, while the man has the secure home and everything. It's such a disparity in your situations.

Does he even realise how little you have left over? Have you told him you couldn't save enough quickly enough for a deposit even if you wanted to buy to let? And you are right that it is not a good proposition for you. It's for people who are well set up and have some security, usually a house of their own and good income or spare cash. He wants you to be self sufficient - protecting his own assets - so I think you should see if he would be amenable to paying more towards the food / bills so that you can save to put yourself on a better footing for future self sufficiency.

A couple of things that I see as a priority and are straightforward:

Do you contribute to a pension with your employer? If not, you should enrol in that because the employer pays a generous contribution and it's providing for your future.

At the same time open a savings account with a bank or building society. Check out the savings interest rates on Money Saving Expert best buy tables.

Recently, Nationwide had a regular savings account paying 8%. You can pay in up to £200 a month but don't have to pay in every month. That high rate is limited to one year only. You'd need to check if it is still open for new applications and whether you need to be an existing customer with them to qualify.

Maybe you could have a chat and tell him you are planning to build up a cash buffer, so whilst you don't need him to subsidise you're going be living fairly leanly for a year or so?

So if he wants steak and alcohol and not thinking about the cost of food he can do his own thing. Or if he wants pricey holidays and going out then he needs to cover it all.

I do get what you're saying about wanting to live Ok/feeling life is short.

However, there's loads of fun stuff to do that's a lot cheaper.

Don't cripple yourself to live up to what he can afford.

No debts and NMW and no children means you can have a fine lifestyle, but if he's quite affluent you shouldn't be trying to keep up with him.

If he's been in good financial position always, he's probably used to doing all the things like takeaway coffee and eating out and taxis and buying things new (especially if his friends and colleagues can).

You may not be able to match this spending pattern.

If you buy a BTL
You will need spare money for
Deposit, mortgage
Self assessment tax every year
Agency fees, unless you manage it yourself
Repairs
If empty, you will need to pay utility bills & council tax
Gas & electric safety certificates
Emergency money
It is not an easy option !

If you work for an employer, it would be better to join their pension plan. Most employees also add some free money each month, us free life insurance.

Alternatively, you could put your savings into a tax free ISA. You can add up to a maximum of 20K per year. Some ISAs are currently paying g 5%

If you are under 40, you can save into a LISA & Government will add some free money

Saving into Nationwide regular saver will not pay 8% at the end of the year, it will pay half which is 4%.
So an ISA at 5% would be better & tax free

I have 2 properties that I rent out and it is not for the feint hearted! You need to be in a position to pay the mortgage if the tenant is late with their rent payment (this has happened to us multiple times)
We've also had to do a lot of repairs to properties where tenants haven't cared for them as you would hope for. I've also had to renovate where they've made changes without permission and we've had to put back to normal when they have left.
You also have to have funds to replace anything that breaks, and that needs to be fairly swift.
Insurance isn't cheap. It can all be EXTREMELY stressful!

I would highly recommend you don't go down that route unless you have far more money saved.

Buy to Let. Easy. If he leaves you for his secretary you will then have a place to go. I always encouraged my partner to save for his own place because I thought it would be good for him to own his own property.

I don't understand why other posters are saying he is making himself more financially secure living with the OP? She doesn't pay half mortgage or a proper rental amount, so it looks like the OP benefits more financially by living in his house for free, and sharing bills and food- much smaller expenses. They've only been together 3 years and have no children. He doesn't owe her anything in terms of housing or bills. Unless he is expecting her to pay for expensive food items she normally wouldn't, then it seems like the OP benefits more from this situation at the moment. Nothing wrong with the arrangement if you ask me, but all the advice about savings and ISA's is worth following while you're in this position.

I know OP is over 40 so can’t get one anyway, but I didn’t see anyone mention the risk of a LISA, which in my opinion would make the OP very unsuitable for one.

A LISA can only be used towards buying a home (OP has no plans to do this) or taken at pensionable age without losing money. Not just losing the bonus, but actually losing some of the money you originally paid in. As OP is not very financially stable and seems quite reliant on her partner, it is not unreasonable to think that she may need to access the LISA before she reaches her pensions if things don’t go exactly to plan. In that case, she would get less money back than she put in originally.

The regular saver someone mentioned above is the best idea. There is no risk, it’s decent interest rates and is perfect for people who can also save a relatively small amount but can do so regularly which the OP can.

Lots of respect to you OP, not only for turning your life around but also for not being a grabby despite all that you have been through. Although strangers on the internet have been egging you on.

@areyoutheregod Because MN is biased towards women. One in this position is always advised to get rent to avoid cocklodging and protect everything she can. No mention of her making herself financially secure at his expense.

It's perfectly fine for a woman post-divorce to decide that she doesn't want a live-in partner. On here, her relationship isn't considered 'less' serious and she isn't expected to be responsible for the man's financial wellbeing.

But turn the tables and it's ooooh he should make provision. And as you said, OP is actually already better off living with this man, than on her own! Why should he take responsibility for her financial future?

I agree with the reasoning that a true partnership will warrant sharing, but it's only been 3 years. Nothing life changing. If it was 10 years, maybe.