To think buying my own place would be a terrible idea?

[nohouseforme]

Dp and I have been together a few years and live together. He owns his house but I don't pay towards the mortgage but do pay a contribution to bills and pay for most of our food. We aren't married and won't be getting married.

Basically, due to a combination of horrible bad luck and less than stellar life choices I've ended up in the situation where I have no significant assets and no real savings of my own. I have no private pension and have accepted a long time ago that I will (barring a miracle or lottery win) never own my own property and will likely have to work until I drop. Whilst I'm not 'fine' with this I've accepted it is what it is. I was born into a poor family and have never had much, living in extreme poverty at times, and as such I've given up being frustrated at not being able to afford certain things, am very frugal, and just generally try not to stress out about financial things as I know I don't have much choice and I will just have to deal with things as and when they come up as I always have. I work full time but just above MW which is very standard for this area and I'm very lucky to have even found a full time contract. I'm very proud of myself for finally paying off all my debt so am now completely debt free and trying to build up my credit rating.

My contrast Dp has been very fortunate. From a middle class family, got family help with his house deposit and earns quite well. He works hard and is careful with money but I think is a little bit blind to the good luck and extra advantages he has had over many (including me) that's helped put him in this position.

He's been encouraging me to save a deposit for my own place which I can then rent out and is a potential source of income for retirement.

Whilst I agree this is a good plan in theory, in practise I think it would be a terrible idea.

I have max £200 a month of disposable income to put into savings for a deposit. If I did so, after 5 years I'd have a deposit for a very cheap place, but in those 5yrs I then could not do anything more than the basics. No holidays, no paying for any unexpected expenses, nothing. That's really not a sacrifice I'm prepared to make!

Also, I'd then have to worry about fees and the like which are thousands extra, and renting comes with huge additional expenses and risks like someone trashing your place, just general wear and tear that comes with being a landlord, tenants who refuse to leave and having to go through expensive court proceedings to get them out, etc. That's if a bank would even give me a mortgage in the first place as I'm in my 40's and don't earn much.

I don't disagree that investing in something for the future is a good idea but I don't think this is a viable option. Aibu and should seriously consider this, or am I right and DP is BU to think this is possible in my current circumstances?

I would definitely not be paying towards his assets, do not pay him rent, if he won't marry you because of money why should you pay for his house ? Taking the piss, split bills and food but no way would I be paying towards his mortgage

You are contributing to your boyfriend's growing financial asset (the house) and his financial security by paying him 'rent'. You on the other hand end up with a load of old supermarket receipts. Appreciate it's only 3 years in but this isn't fair if this is serious relationship.

I agree that property probably isn’t the thing to invest in. Buy to let is not so easy for single property owners any more. It requires more capital than it used to, there are a lot more hoops to jump through, and many people with just one or two properties are selling up. But the concern for your future Is very valid and your initial post sounded more like you wanted to spend the money now than invest in something else, which I can see why that would concern someone who worried about your future.

But, to be honest, it sounds like you should be looking at investing in your earning power at this stage. You’re in a shared household with no kids (?) and all you can save is 200 a month. That’s not much. Also, you sound like you have a fairly insecure income dependent on the hours available. Not all jobs with variable hours are insecure or low paying but the way you describe your financial situation, it sounds like yours is. This is what I would be looking to change. Save up a bit so you can retrain in a trade or profession that will pay significantly more than you currently earn.

How much is it you are paying your boyfriend? Are you happy with this amount? It must be quite a bit if you can only save around £200 per month.

A Lisa or pension could be worth looking into.

Basically he’s telling you that you need a financial plan for your future as you can’t rely on him.

I’m not sure how old you are but if you are under 40 I would open a lifetime isa. You can use it for buying a property or to boost your pension. You could just put in £2 a week a that would be £104 in a year which would have an interest rate plus the government would give you £25.

So even if it’s just a few pounds and you use it to take out when you are 60, it could still end up being a couple of hundred with interest and the government top up added on top. It could just come in handy for emergency money or a treat when you’re older.

This could be a little side savings set up and separate while you figure stuff out.

You aren't in a position to buy at the moment. I think you need to find a balance between a low paying job that you like and one that pays more. Not all well paying jobs are torture. You need to consider something you could train to do that provides a better income. You aren't in your 20s and it's time to protect your future. Your boyfriend has said that he won't be helping you financially.

How much is it costing you to live with him?

You partner doesn't sound very nice.

Why the hell are you paying for his food shop?!?!? He sounds selfish and tight. I bet he hasn't sorted his will out. I bet any money that he won't be doing that. Open your eyes. He's taking the piss.

i Was under the impression she pays for food rather than paying rent.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect your partner to just give you half his house and assets.

I'm not sure why so many people seem to think you should get to live rent free, when your partner has to pay a mortgage.

I very much doubt anybody would be suggesting a home owning woman should allow a low earning man to live rent free in her mortgaged home and also expose herself to losing half her assets due to marriage/divorce.

It's not clear what your educational background is or what you currently do for a living (tourism related?), but I think the people advising you to upskill and earn more money are correct.

Perhaps some IT courses would allow you to earn more money - e.g. Microsoft Office for basic office/business skills?

And as usual PP are also unable, or unwilling to read!
The OP is better off than she was before, being able to save money. But it's not enough for people like @Bigpaintinglittlepainting or @ThisCosyPoster . He has to 'share'!
Plenty of women on here don't want to live with a man again, nobody doubts the seriousness of their relationship and they are cheered on. Not moaned at for 'not supporting' their partner.

The only time resources should be considered automatically shared is if there are shared children involved. Otherwise, it's not up to strangers to determine 'seriousness'. OP is happy working an insecure job, living in an area with little prospects as she likes it. Not sure why it's the DP's job to secure her future although she likes her situation just fine. Unencumbered by children, she's as free as a bird to earn more if she really wants it.

I'd you've finished paying off debt, why do you only have £200 a month to spare?

Minimum wage should take you to £1600 per month.

How much are you paying in bills? Not asking this to have a go but more to check that you are not paying a disproportionately high percentage given you have no stake in his home.

Half of food I'd expect £200 ISH and half of bills maybe £400. What does the rest go on?

Buying seems unrealistic but you should equally be in a position to build a good safety net for your own future security.

I would probably be looking more towards some form of S&S ISA or a Pension in your position.

*I'm not sure why so many people seem to think you should get to live rent free, when your partner has to pay a mortgage.

I very much doubt anybody would be suggesting a home owning woman should allow a low earning man to live rent free in her mortgaged home and also expose herself to losing half her assets due to marriage/divorce. *

I agree.

The contribution I make at the moment in bills and food is roughly equivalent to a cheap rent so yes I'd be able to afford that if we split
How? You'd still have bills, paid solely by yourself, and you'd still have to eat.
Yet you say you only have £200 pm left over, without paying any housing costs at all? How does that work?

You need to give serious thought to your future.
Plan for yourself as there is no certainty that your partner will ever step up. Men are notoriously unreliable.

Save as if your life depended on it. It does.

1.Buy a 2 preferably 3 bed in a cheap area ie £100k or less after saving for 5 years or less if you are able ( £12k deposit) and Iive in it. Then you can rent out 2 rooms and earn £7,500 pa tax free ( rent a room scheme) This can help pay your mortgage and give you some security for when you retire. This does not stop you staying over at your partner's from time to time or him staying over at yours.

2.Search out a course / train on the job to boost your earnings as a matter of urgency. It is not an option to just tread water in case you get a job you don't like etc.

At the moment you are in a very vulnerable situation with no security of tenure in your partner's house and very low earnings. Your retirement or even your present could be a total disaster if you don't do something now.

Holidays / treats 'living life now' are not options you can afford. Burying your head in the sand is not a viable plan for the future.

Maybe BTL is the wrong option, but you need to do something about your future.

He doesn't want to marry you. You'd love to; he doesn't want to. Of course, he doesn't. He would have to give half of his wealth to you and he doesn't want to share. He doesn't even want to share on his death, having not updated his will.

I'm not saying he should marry you or leave his worldly goods to you - just pointing out the facts in black and white.

You only have c. £200, maybe c. £300 per month to make savings from a position of practical zero savings. Except, you don't want to put even that in savings as you want to have holidays and you're not prepared to sacrifice holidays. Are you really as frugal as you say you are? You also say you earn low wages, but as you have a good work/life balance, you don't want to change jobs.

Your plan for if DP dies is to 'figure it out'.

I would suggest the below steps:

1. Do a budget. A proper budget. Look at what luxuries you can cut. Talk to your partner honestly. He might not want to marry you or leave his wealth to you, but he might be prepared to subsidise joint treats like holidays and meals out if those are nice things he wants to do too, and he would prefer your company whilst doing them.
2. Find out if your employer is prepared to match pension contributions for you up to a certain amount. Put a good chunk of your planned savings into a pension. You need a private pension unless you want to work until you die.
3. Consider increasing your responsibilities at work and/or retraining. You're only in your 40s - you've got at least one more career in you. Or you could stay where you are now, but move upwards. Something with more managerial responsibilities might have a worse work/life balance, but it would also pay more, and you need to look at ways of sustainably maximising your income.

It doesn't sound like she's paying half the mortgage, more a share of fuel costs and food.

Why should he give half of his home to her just because she earns less money than him? It's not as if she's disabled and unable to work - she's explained she doesn't want to do a more stressful job for more money. They also don't have children, so it's not as if she's sacrificing her career to raise his kids.

Really, on what basis does any unmarried person owe someone else 50% of what they have?

If you've got no ring, you've got nothing.

He hasn't messed her around. He's said he doesn't want to get married. It's down to the OP to accept that or move on, and it doesn't sound like she wants to quit the relationship.

I don't see anything unfair about his behaviour, TBH. He's been quite upfront and he's also given the OP a nudge to start making her own arrangements for her future (which is something she desperately does need to do). If he was behaving unkindly, he wouldn't have pointed this out.

@nohouseforme are you 39 or under? If so a LISA sounds like a really good idea. It can be used for either first time house buy, or retirement

I can't explain it very well but it sounds a bit unfair to me. He doesn't 'want to get married' ,is happy having you pay rent so he can pay off his mortgage whilst you are left with the bills which on paper might seem like a fair divide if you're both paying similar amounts but he's getting a property at the end of it, and you're not.

I just think you're being a bit screwed over. Could you have an honest chat about finances and what you earn. Marriage is so important in terms of financial security for women so I'm always a bit suspect about men who are so vocally against it.

Do you have any children? Any plans to?

Pensions make so much sense that you'd be mad not to take a serious look. You get tax relief on your contributions so £200 a month becomes £250 (£200/0.8).
All the income in the pension fund is free of tax.
Your employer may match your contributions, my sons did, so your £200 becomes £450.
You can reduce your contributions if your circumstances change.
In the 90s I paid an extra £32 a month into an extra pension, and did for about 10 years when my DH lost his job.
When I retired in 2015 it gave me a lump sum of £11,000 tax free and an after tax income of around £85 a month.
Being a landlord doesn't make the financial sense that it did some years ago.

I can’t quite see how you’re paying towards bills and food, yet you’d be able to rent your own place (and pay for bills and food), on your own? Bills split between two is always cheaper than bills on your own. I’d focus on saving as much as you can once your debt is paid off; put money in a pension, and see in a few years. Even if you aren’t getting married; it seems a bit odd if you’re struggling but your DP has plenty of money? And what would happen if he died? Or he couldn’t work and pay his mortgage? I think you need a really serious discussion about money; life stuff etc. and surely you should be pushing to be added to the mortgage and contribute, even if you only own a small %. He’s basically having his mortgage paid for him; but you don’t benefit

I have a Lifetime ISA (LISA). The government tops up what you put in with an extra 25%. So if you put in £200, you actually get £250. They can only be used for retirement or home deposit though and the penalties are stiff if you need to access the money for anything else.

@nohouseforme How old are you? It does make a difference as to how to reply to you? And can you give an example of what your Budget looks like? I ask because you have only referred to your food and 'bills'. It would be helpful to know your full budget, and what bills you have to pay - to have an idea what the full position is that you are in?

And by the way. ISA's are not always the best way to save if you have no savings etc etc. As a basic rate tax payer, you can currently save money in any savings account and won't pay tax on any Savings INCOME up to a £1000 per year. So if you want to save, that is something to consider

That's if a bank would even give me a mortgage in the first place as I'm in my 40's and don't earn much.

It’s worth pointing out that the affordability of a BTL mortgage is largely assessed on the potential rental income of the property, rather than the mortgage holder’s income. Similarly, your age will be less of an issue, because you will still have the rental income to cover the mortgage when you retire.

I’m not suggesting you do go for BTL, as I think it would take too long to save a decent deposit (especially when consider stamp duty is higher for BTL properties). Also, as another poster wisely pointed out, the fact you’ve never had a residential mortgage of your own might put off potential lenders, as you can’t demonstrate a track record. However, it’s good to have all the facts before you make a decision.