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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that my crush aged 13 liked me too?!

28 replies

WonderingNostagically · 25/03/2024 07:15

Just what it says, really. It's the least important thing in the world, we are both happily married and are not in touch nor ever will be - but having a teenage daughter going through a similar situation at the moment, it just made me think about how we perceive ourselves and situations when we're young.

When I was 13, I had a huge crush on my friend's older brother. Without wanting to be too dramatic, he was probably the first person I fell in love with, although we were never together. We knew each other pretty well through an out of school activity, as well as that I spent a lot of time at their house with his sister.

I had always assumed it was a one way crush, that he was totally out of my league, being three years older than me at school (although a nice, fairly shy, clever kind of boy rather than some kind of lothario) and as I had no confidence as a teenager that any boy would ever like me. But I'm now wondering if I was a total idiot!

I recently visited our old hometown (I moved house and school at the end of that year) and it brought back memories which I had forgotten about, mainly of an end of year school disco. The last song was a slow song and he came over and asked me to dance. I remember at the time, it felt like something out of a film. The song ended, nothing else happened, we went home and I moved a couple of weeks later. He wrote to me (unprompted) after I moved, just a few silly, funny letters, before we eventually lost touch.

We've not seen each other since, though I am in occasional touch with his sister, so know what he's up to (that he's married with kids etc). None of us still live in our old hometown and before anyone jumps to conclusions, this is not about rekindling anything with him I'm just curious!

Am I being unreasonable in now, looking back on it as an adult, thinking that he clearly liked me too and I was blind not to see it?

Or did he just feel sorry for me?!

OP posts:
AvonleaHeart · 25/03/2024 07:18

Boys typically don't go to the effort of writing letters to girls they aren't interested in.
The dance could be written off as him just being friendly/nice.

So in my opinion he definitely liked you too :)

UnePersonne · 25/03/2024 07:18

If he was 16 and you were 13 then that's quite a big age gap at that age. He probably liked you and your friendship and was a sweet boy, but it would be unusual for him to actually fancy a girl so much younger?

beliefbelieve · 25/03/2024 07:19

op

genuine question but what’s going on in your life at the moment for you to start this long and detailed thread about a crush from decades ago

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 25/03/2024 07:24

You really need a male 's perspective. Maybe ask your husband?

beliefbelieve · 25/03/2024 07:26

i will take a punt that you got together with your husband when you were very young

and have not had many if any serious relationships before your husband

Watchthedoormat · 25/03/2024 07:28

He definitely had a little crush going on too OP.

Londonrach1 · 25/03/2024 07:28

I suspect he did but he was 16 you were 13 and wrong timing...it wasn't right and he knew that hence did nothing. Nice guy by sounds of it. Life moves on.

pootlin · 25/03/2024 07:30

I think he liked you. Sounds like a lovely memory. Ignore the people implying you’re sheltered or having marriage issues, sometimes it’s nice to remember those perfect moments.

It sounds like one of my most favourite young romances, that I used to read as a teen. I found it on my bookcase a few months ago and read a few chapters, the nostalgia was intense!

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1692927.Summer_Dreams_Winter_Love

Summer Dreams, Winter Love

Everyone tells her she's crazy to fall in love with Mic…

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1692927.Summer_Dreams_Winter_Love

OfTheNight · 25/03/2024 07:31

I work with teenagers and a 16 year old dating a 13 year old would go down like a lead balloon. It’s a huge age gap to them at that stage in life.

He sounds like he was a lovely and kind person. Can I ask why you want to explore this? It was so long ago and bears no consequence.

Tagyoureit · 25/03/2024 07:34

I think every single girl should watch the film "he's just not in to you"!

Or the episode of sex in the city where miranda learns from berger if a man likes you, he's coming upstairs and won't make excuses!!

No man makes an effort unless they like the woman, if you're chasing your wondering if he does then that's your answer, stop wasting time!

I think your crush liked you back but maybe being his mate's younger sister stopped him taking it further!

LoobyDop · 25/03/2024 07:36

It’s quite unhealthy that you’re giving this so much attention, imo. There’s something weird about an adult idealising a teenage crush.

x2boys · 25/03/2024 07:41

Yes he probably did
There are many occasions where I look back ,where non relationships could have become relationships, but they didn't for whatever reason
There's no point on dwelling on the what if, s.

dudsville · 25/03/2024 07:43

There's a reason why you're thinking about this!

Globules · 25/03/2024 07:44

I had that type of moment a while back.

I ended up giving a 43yr old man a lift home who was my 16yr old crush. Hadn't seen him for years. We were both happily married to others, both parents and we chatted about old days in the car.

"Did you ever work out I had a massive crush on you?"

"You're kidding." came his reply. "I had a massive crush on you. Why didn't you say anything?"

We laughed as I reminded him he didn't say anything either. Very life affirming moment.

A few years back, i found a 21st birthday card from a male friend. At the time I thought he liked me, but wasn't sure. Reading that card in my mid 40s assured me just how sweet he was on me. I sent him a pic of what he'd written and the reply was something like "wow, I could be quite schmaltzy in my younger days"

I disagree that men will always chase if they want you.

I'm guessing he liked you too, or certainly liked the attention 16yr old him was getting from a 13yr old

Picklestop · 25/03/2024 07:45

I find t hard to believe a 16 year old would be interested in a 13 year old, it is odd that he wrote to you though.

WonderingNostagically · 25/03/2024 07:50

Ha ha appreciate the concern for why I'm wondering this, but everything is fine, thanks! I don't live in the UK any more and the recent visit back to the hometown I lived in at this point was the first in a long time and made me think about places/people I hadn't thought of in a long time.

Then my 14 year old daughter was asking me about my teenage boyfriends/crushes in relation to a boy she likes and when I was telling her about this guy, she looked at me like I was crazy and said he'd obviously liked me. I told her that had never occurred to me before and we were having a jokey debate about it...honestly nothing more than that!

OP posts:
WonderingNostagically · 25/03/2024 07:54

pootlin · 25/03/2024 07:30

I think he liked you. Sounds like a lovely memory. Ignore the people implying you’re sheltered or having marriage issues, sometimes it’s nice to remember those perfect moments.

It sounds like one of my most favourite young romances, that I used to read as a teen. I found it on my bookcase a few months ago and read a few chapters, the nostalgia was intense!

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1692927.Summer_Dreams_Winter_Love

I had this book too!! Can't remember anything about it, but totally recognise the cover!

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 25/03/2024 07:58

I get it, OP. I was telling my husband about the great friendship I had with my best mate’s boyfriend when I was a teenager. How he used to ring me for chats and make me mix-tapes with handwritten track listings…then I saw the bemused look on my husband’s face and was like, ‘Oh…’

It had honestly never, ever occurred to me, and I still wonder if he’s right.

It’s more of a curiosity about my lack of perceptiveness and low self-esteem back then, that leads me to wonder what else I’ve missed or indeed, what I’m missing now. Not relationship-wise, but in all areas.

Pudmyboy · 25/03/2024 09:43

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 25/03/2024 07:24

You really need a male 's perspective. Maybe ask your husband?

OP did say it was because her daughter was now at the same age and going through something similar

Cafelattes · 25/03/2024 09:46

FWIW I don't think it's weird that you're thinking about this, or that it means something deeper. It's perfectly normal to reflect on different parts of our past as we go through different life stages, especially when our own kids reach the same ages.

MrsJellybee · 25/03/2024 10:04

When I was 15, I had a summer correspondence with a boy in my class. This was c.1995. He was very geeky, kind and clever. I didn’t fancy him at all though. I fancied his mate who was much better-looking, but in hindsight, a complete twat.

I think he must’ve written to me first. I replied often and I guess we passed four letters each between us over the summer. Most of the content was on the X Files and Father Ted. Grand romance.

In my early twenties, I came across the letters in a box. When I reread them, it struck me for the first time that he must’ve fancied me. Hints that he was Mulder to my Scully! I didn’t see it at all at the time. I thought of him as a brother really. I feel bad to this day that I encouraged something in him, when I was in fact a bored, nerdy teen who watched too much BBC2 and Channel 4. (And I snogged his twatty friend some time later).

We aren’t very good in our teen years at empathy and reading people.

edited for spelling.

beliefbelieve · 25/03/2024 10:35

are you happy in your marriage op?

LucieLemon · 25/03/2024 10:52

Have some posters really never experienced this kind of nostalgia?? It doesn't have to be a symptom of a marriage on the brink of collapse! They're more like gentle musings over past times, pretty harmless.

I think back to the 90's, my best friend from age 11 to 15ish was the lad from the house over the road. It's only now, when I think about it that I can see he had a crush, at the time (and many years after) I was completely oblivious. I didn't think of myself as someone who would be "crushed on" so did not pick up on any signs.

We went our separate ways many years ago. There are no great regrets or unfulfilled longings over this, just a late realisation.

sockarefootwear · 25/03/2024 11:16

I agree he liked OP too.

I had a similar crush on a lad a few years older than me when I was at school. As a shy, unconfident teen there was no way I was going to let him know. I met up with him again a few years later when we were both at home from University and still had a crush on him but still didn't have the confidence to say anything but this time we spent quite a bit of time together as friends. We lost touch but reconnected again just after graduation. This time both a bit more mature and confident we both confessed our crushes and it was just weird! He decided the fact that we kept reconnecting was a sign that we were meant to be together for ever, announced to all his friends/family/casual acquaintances etc that we were an item and started planning for us to move in together. When I suggested we slow things down and perhaps just try a date or 2 he got really huffy, accused me of having a thing with another male friend and never contacted me again.

I suppose the point of this story is that it was nice to look back on an innocent teenage crush and wonder 'what if...' and I sort of wish I'd left it there.

beliefbelieve · 25/03/2024 11:18

so baffling that the feelings of a 16 year old boy towards a 13 year old girl from decades ago are being speculated on!