Different perceptions of autistic adults and those with adhd?

[PleasantPheasant]

I find the way autistic adults and adults with adhd are perceived by others to be quite different. Maybe I'm alone bit I'm interested to talk about it.
I'm autistic and I also fit most it not all symptoms of inattentive adhd but am not diagnosed with adhd and am on the fence as to whether autism would explain those symptoms.
Anyway, I find it interesting the way both are perceived because I feel like autism is still perceived to an extent as a defect where as adhd seems to be perceived in a much more positive light. What are your thoughts and experiences? Is it something to do with gender bias? More people already being in positions of power with adhd vs autism? Do you think it will change?

I have adhd my partner asd. 2 diagnosed children one asd/adhd one asd and learning disabilities. Youngest undiagnosed but following suit. Safe to say we are a neurodiverse family. I've found being open with our adult diagnosis in the wider community to be extremely negative, my partner viewed as a bit dumb and myself wreckless. The new tiktok fad of adhd has really not helped the tolerance levels or understanding of it especially in women.

My son is diagnosed Autistic/ ADHD. He has friends, is very sociable and shouts out he has Autism all over the place. He is very funny and doesn't care. But, adults of these kids don't ever invite him round. He absolutely is popular with his classmates. The adults just don't like 'it'.

I think for the younger generation it will be easier thanks to the internet, tik tok etc. For adults today, they're dealing with people who grew up in a different era with shame and ignoranve around neurodivergence. As an adult myself I first thought it will be much easier and socially acceptable if we're just dealing with ADHD.( My child) As bad as that sounds. I soon realised that being autistic is absolutely not what adults today grew up believing ( e.g all the stereotypes) which is why it took me time to realise.

Now we know more and see other famous people are actually autistic and they're these great role models I believe this generation will find it much less stigmatising as they all grow into adulthood.

YANBU

In my so called neurodivergent affirmative workplace there are a lot of individuals carrying bias and shame associated with autism and ADHD but moreso with autism.

I consider myself to have mixed traits of both (known as AuADHD) but to simplify my life in and out of work I refer to myself as having neurodivergent traits and generally describe them in plain english terms from strength based perspective (e.g. hyperfocus) - then once I know someone better will open up about being AuADHD.

Reading the children's story series https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upside-DownMagic and following the bloggers https://www.traumageek.com/ and NeuroWild (on FB and Insta) all hugely helped me get to where I cam confidently do this.

Before i got diagnosed with Autism, i had a variety of misdiagnosis of mental illnesses. (From a personality disorder to schizophrenia and many inbetween 😂😅, think they were a bit excitable with the labels)

So i can't tell which diagnosis at the time gave which response. But i found a hell of a lot of judgement/discrimination/assumption. From the talking extra loud and slowly as they presumed i don't understand and was illiterate due to what diagnosis they read on my chart. To gaslighting and telling me what i feel/mean, or my favourite "No that isn't what you think, this is"
Or my all time favourite once, asking when i was in my 20's if i wanted to be sterilised to make sure i wouldn't have an "accident" (i was diagnosed with PTSD at that point in time) i wasn't even a mum then, but apparently trauma meant that i would never be able to be a good mum in my lifetime 😂

Now my only diagnosis is the Autism, i find the only reaction i get if anyone is told, is a look of pity and asking if i cope. Although with Autism i have found most professionals and doctors quite good with it and are quite open with it. Just general public, but i am guessing that is the misinformation and all the things on social media. Unless its a parent whose child has it or another person, they respond fab.

My DH has ADHD, i have found he is responded to worse actually. But that could be more that he is quite full on with it, so people struggle interacting. He has no filter, jumps from one thing to the next, is so hyperactive he flits around 100 miles per hour. His boss is happy though, as he gets more done at work then anyone else and just won't stop 😂 his colleagues not so keen.

Both of us struggle with friendships though for different reasons.

So the main assumptions/difference.

Autism=no intelligence unable to cope
ADHD = naughty most likely criminal behaviour 😂

Thats the main consensus from average joe in our experience. Both presumptions leave us ostracised 😅

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 30, I'm now awaiting an assessment for autism.

My children are both ND.

I have not told most of my friends I'm ND, my closest 2 friends know and dont judge me at all, neither do my family, but I suspect the "public" would. Or maybe it's me, maybe I'm stuck in the old school way of feeling where it is a 'defect'

I will say that any proffesionals I have told have been so so supportive, from my childrens school ( helpful for their own ND diagnosis ) to social workers ect. Everyone has been so lovely and understanding about it all

I'm not ashamed of my children at all and I fully support them, I accept them as they are and do not expect them to mask or hide any aspect of themselves

But it's an absolute minefield trying to learn how to support myself and 2 young DC and it fills me with shame that I've been walking around unaware I was ND all my life, did other people spot it? Have people thought I was weird?

I think I'm definetly stuck in the 'defect' part of it for myself. But not my children.

The support nowadays and recognition is definetly a lot better than it was 30 years ago

Afaik I am NT ( although I have my suspicions that I'm not) but I do think autism is perceived as 'worse' than ADHD. Possibly because some people 's experience of autism is quite extreme iyswim, like someone who can't function in society to a large extent. Whereas ADHD seems to be generally 'easier'. I apologise in advance if the above offends anyone, and I'm more than happy to be educated.

I said in advance when that was clearly not the case. I apologise again!

i perceive adhd being somewhat easier (maturity and coping skills) can give the appearance of being nt add in a tiny bit of meds and some people wouldn't stand out as having adhd.
i have several family members with adhd (hyper, inattentive, and mixed) some with meds some not. all find early am exercise very helpful and exercise is seen as a very positive quality in society.
all have found jobs/careers that are well suited to their skill set and all get along well with family and colleagues.
i have no experience with autism but from what i read it seems much more challenging navigating the world.

Well, seeing as you're asking, I'd say that technically, yes, they are both "defects".

Anything that is diagnosable from the norm is a defect, whether it's physical, mental or emotional.

I'd say autism would be the bigger one of the two, ADHD the lesser.

Probably as autism has a wider spectrum from minor symptoms that you'd barely notice to being almost fully disabled.

I think 'defects' is pretty harsh. Differences would be better. Imo anyway. Every single human has defects so really it's a meaningless term anyway.

DS would say that ADHD has far less stigma than autism in his school (he is AuDHD). This is because the ADHD kids are generally fidgety or medicated, while the more obviously autistic kids act differently (squealing, can be ‘weird’, harder to communicate with, say inappropriate things, etc.) We know from the SEN department that there are also many ASC kids whose autism is not recognisable from the outside, so it seems likely that perceptions of autism are driven by perceptions of more extreme cases.

Of the most successful people I know, many show ND traits but aren’t diagnosed. Over time if these people get diagnoses perhaps stigma will lessen. However I think it’s likely that this will go hand in hand with people blaming what would have previously been called ‘naughtiness’ on ND traits (arguably justifiable although I expect to get flamed for this) and this might create extra difficulties. For sure, ND kids and teens are more vulnerable to making misjudgements and getting into trouble and in a perfect world there would be funding available to help them navigate through into being the uniquely amazing adults that they could be. I just really hope that this happens. It’s a good thing that there are more charities working on this and more information available to help teachers and parents to help manage ND kids thoughtfully.

And what qualifications do you have to make this lofty pronouncement?

I’m curious to understand in what way they are technically defects? Genuine question, because if they are, I would love to understand this.

I can see that in many it is disabling. However there is no blueprint for perfect DNA (we know where that attitude leads us, and most would agree that it is terrifying!) And given that ND people also count amongst the most successful (high energy, high obsessiveness/attention to detail etc), and particularly in some industries where originality of thought is vital, I question how ADHD or ASC can be labelled a ‘technical defect’, if we are looking at success or ability to contribute to society. Or ability to process ge, given how widespread ND traits/genes appear to be.

Genuine question. And if there is no answer, let’s stick to calling it ‘differences’ as PP mentioned.

edited to remove typos

Which part?

There's nothing lofty. Objective fact and personal opinion.

@Willyoujustbequiet What traits are those?

Can you be clearer which part you have an issue with?

Everyone has some traits that could be perceived as ADHD. It's the severity and impact on lives that results in a diagnosis.

Losing your car keys because you are stressed out menopausal mum juggling too many plates does not mean you have ADHD....but it does according to some of the ridiculous videos on Tiktok.

For those of us whose lives have been destroyed by ADHD its offensive.

I’m autistic and I think the biggest reason for the difference in the way people with autism/adhd are treated is social skills. I know that I come across as reserved, no sense of humour, probably a bit stressed and quiet in social situations, can’t do banter… and when I try to be like everyone else it comes across as fake. Either way, people are usually uncomfortable around me and in the past (at school) I was relentlessly ostracised and bullied. My more extrovert autistic friends can also make social situations awkward by having no filter/no reciprocity and offending people. I’m generalising, but the people I know with adhd tend to be able to make social connection more successfully, they might be known for being fickle or unreliable but can still be ‘good fun’ (and at school were sometimes the class clown/rebel which carried its own social kudos). I think honestly success/acceptance in life is really mostly down to social skills.

Lofty in that you're assuming it's just something trendy. And assuming it's not a genuine concern. I suppose there are other words I could use, but they might get me a ban, so I won't.

What an ignorant post.

1)You don’t get a diagnosis for a few traits anybody can have.

2. People are desperate for a diagnosis as sick of hating and berating themselves alongside needing medication.

3)Kids don’t grow out of it and it isn’t just naughty behaviour. It’s kids struggling to cope with everything else other kids struggle with in addition to disabling traits that make life and holding it together very difficult. They are often having to handle Autism at the same time.

Firstly I didn't say you get a diagnosis with a few traits so please don't misquote me. I said people seek a diagnosis.

Secondly at no point did I say there were not genuine cases in amongst the others.

Finally, you are incorrect. Even the most conservative peer reviewed studies recognise that some children are no longer impacted as they get older and would not achieve the threshold for diagnosis. This echoes what we were told by dc (leading) psychiatrist and reinforced by CAMHS and the NHS parenting course. Executive function is still developing until the mid twenties so it's naive to assume children will present in the same way 2 decades later

It's not my post that was ignorant.

What are your thoughts and experiences

Very unhelpful but I am diagnosed with both and it had never occurred to me to consider how others perceive me.

Keep doing what you're doing!

You sound a little envious.

Perhaps you've misunderstood. ADHD itself is very real and ruins lives. The pursuit of a diagnosis by some based on stupid videos on Tiktok is trendy at the moment. That does not mean that this applies to everyone seeking currently seeking a diagnosis. But it's disingenuous to claim its not happening at all.