Different perceptions of autistic adults and those with adhd?

[PleasantPheasant]

I find the way autistic adults and adults with adhd are perceived by others to be quite different. Maybe I'm alone bit I'm interested to talk about it.
I'm autistic and I also fit most it not all symptoms of inattentive adhd but am not diagnosed with adhd and am on the fence as to whether autism would explain those symptoms.
Anyway, I find it interesting the way both are perceived because I feel like autism is still perceived to an extent as a defect where as adhd seems to be perceived in a much more positive light. What are your thoughts and experiences? Is it something to do with gender bias? More people already being in positions of power with adhd vs autism? Do you think it will change?

@Ivee

That's really insulting

This may have already been covered but ADHD and ASD are both disorders. The terms disorder and condition both have pretty strict medical definitions so it's technically incorrect to use alternatives and muddies the waters more than necessary.

Dyslexia is absolutely in the same space, particularly ADHD. There's also dyscalcula, dyspraxia, dysgraphia etc and various spiky profiles.

What's dysgraphia? Never heard of that. Interesting to know they're all grouped together.

I only heard about it within the last few months, it's to do with writing and drawing.

Thanks! Never came across it.

@Daftasabroom they are classified as disorders only based on the assumption that neurotypical is the correct way to be. Medical diagnoses are arbitrary, based on the views of the time and evolve. ND conditions give a competitive advantage in some conditions, just like different skin tones are an advantage depending on the climate. The human race evolved through differences and mutations, it’s time to stop pathologising and start taking on bird the social model of disability

Great in theory, but it's not going to help me remember where I left my passport, my keys, what I went into the kitchen for, what was said to me 5 minutes ago. It's not going to clear the twenty half formed thoughts buzzing through my head.

My point though was that people arbitrarily reassigning a disorder as a defect 🙄or a condition or a social construct, when they don't know what any of those things actually mean in context is a not great.

I'll go back to my STEM where meanings are generally pretty clear cut! 😋

@Porcuine20 I agree with that. The sociability aspcet is the main one in my experience (and I must emphasise I am aware it is JUST my experience)!

I have a business partner with ASD. He comes across very harsh in emails for one example, has upset quite a few friends and colleagues. It doesn't upset me, as I just know what he is like but I can 100% see why it could. He addresses me in emails in a sense that was my boss to do it, she'd be taken for disciplinary. But he doesn't know he's doing it and doesn't mean to.

He cannot socialise unless he's drunk (I mean, I go out for a few drinks with him sometimes and he will actually get drunk BEFORE we go out, meaning by the time I am nicely tipsy he's absolutely sozzled) which has resulted in a lot of 'babysitting' on my part which I have sometimes been resentful over as I can't enjoy my night for looking after him. I avoid it now and go out with people who can drink sensibly! He was like this at a significant birthday of mine and really annoyed a lot of people and completely took any attention off me as people were having to hold him up, avoid putting drinks near them in case he knocked them over, he even fell asleep in the middle of an act I'd booked. can you tell I'm still bitter about that one.

His partner is often upset as he doesn't know how to make her feel loved or appreciated.

I dated someone with ASD quite recently. She came across as very selfish, although I am not saying it had intent. It was an obvious (albeit not visible) disability. No idea how to talk to people, what was seen as rude, that it was selfish to not call me when I was waiting for it, that it isn't okay to do XYZ to your partner. No idea.

I have a neighbour who has ASD, he was my lodger for a while and I had to ask him to leave. Has never had a partner, lived at home until he was in his early thirties, doesn't go out anywhere or do anything just lives a very simple life. Harmless perhaps you'd say but he is also sexist and extremely judgmental, and was an absolute nightmare to live with for various reasons.

I am not saying that allistic people can't be rude, odd or unsociable of course. I am saying that the difference between ADHD and ASD is down to social interaction at least a lot of the time. I am currently in the process of being diagnosed with ADHD and know several people with it. Their 'issues' if you will do not seem to affect others in the same way ASD can be hurtful and upsetting to others. There is a reason there's a thread on here for 'married to someone with ASD' and not one for 'married to someone with ADHD'.

Another disclaimer-again I am sure the OP and plenty of others with ASD are not like what I describe. But for so many of us to have had experiences like that, I can (sadly!) see why ASD may be judged more unfavourably by a lot of people.

@PersonalityofaVacuum are those with ADHD inherently judgemental and prejudice?

Ironic that you can’t see in your post what you have criticised others for. Many people have both ASC and ADHD and social difficulties are common with ADHD too. Many people with ASC mask so don’t do any of those things you have stereotyped the ASC community with. Those with adhd can be blunt, have social difficulties, continually butt in during conversations, have annoying impulsivity…. I don’t write all people with adhd with such traits though.🤔

Please let's not turn against each other. I'm sorry to have started a thread that has caused people grief

This type of toxic positivity rubbish completely invalidates the struggles ND people have. And not everyone who is ND experiences positives from their condition. The social model of disability is similar. While I can see the advantages to it in encouraging adjustments and adaptations for disabled people, adjustments and adaptations do not stop you being disabled. I am disabled by my condition sat at home on my own. I don't need to venture out into society to experience my disability. It's very apparent almost all of the time.

I think you’ve misunderstood the social model of disability and what it means.

I agree OP. I'm autistic and feel it is definitely more stigmatised than ADHD amongst adults. I think autism is seen as "Rainman" still whereas ADHD is seen as someone who is energetic, distracted easily and perhaps disorganised. (Obviously both untrue representations).

People who have autism and people who have adhd are not autonomous groups though. Each person will have things which they struggle with as will other people who don’t have those particular neurodiversity’s.

You’re friends with people you like and have things in common with and less so with others,

Eg I can’t stand people who are late or flakey ( but I can manage friends who have rigid thinking (possibly as I lack spontaneity too). But I’.m not very tolerant of people who are over anxious.

I know exactly what the social model of dusability is thank you. I just don’t agree with it.

But it’s not what you’ve described

Autism and ADHD are different; whilst my very young (at the time) ds was being pulled apart from the age of 6, mostly made awful by some very young teachers diagnozing ds's difficulties as due to a 'parenting deficit' with the LEA fully complicit in that.

12 years later Devon CC (Yes- looking at you DCC) were put into Special Measures and a letter of apology were sent to all of us SEND parents.

Anyways, CAMHS were massively supportive at the time but after ds Yr2 was permanently excluded, the next nearest school would only accept ds if he was 'medicated'.

Well, that only lasted a few weeks as I wasn't going to drug my son for a condition he didn't have. If you don't have ADHD, Ritalin is similar to amphetimines - what sane person would give their 6/7yr old speed?

We had to leave Devon for nearly a decade, just to get ds back to being 'sorted out' enough to overcome the shit he was dealt.

We're doing ok now. Autism and ADHD are not the same although quite a few might have both conditions.

“The Social Model of Disability was developed by Disabled people and describes people as being disabled by barriers in society, not by our impairment or difference. If modern life was set up in a way that was accessible for Disabled people, then we would not be excluded or restricted.”

https://www.disabilityrightsuk.org/social-model-disability-language#:~:text=The%20Social%20Model%20of%20Disability,not%20be%20excluded%20or%20restricted.

ADHD is very fashionable-I am a a teacher and parents seem to be queuing up to get a diagnosis- but for autism no so much. Sadly there does seem to be a stigma still attached to autism, whereas an ADHD label is seen as licence to be ‘delightfully disorganised’ and unfortunately attracts the attention seekers. W

Do you point out that one/both parents probably also have ADHD - I think there is a bit of a stigma for adults whereas hyperactive children with short attention span is ok.

Or maybe the children are masking at school and are out of control at home?

My sons teacher suggested to me that he had ADHD.... which led to my own ADHD diagnosis. 2 years down the line DS is still on a waiting list but his behaviour at school is now brilliant, hes very good at school now....... then he comes home, unmasks and hes a completely different child. Thankfully he has had the same teacher these last 2 years who knows how to support him and has helped his behaviour, because if he had a new teacher now and I said suspected ADHD I doubt theyd believe it as hes so good at school!

My DD has suspected Autism and I've found people to be more understanding of the autism rathar than the sneering ADHD gets