Do you think this is inappropriate?

[Opinionsneededd]

NC. Wanting some opinions on this.

Female friend of about 2 years. Has what I'd consider a habit of boundary pushing, and doing so in a clever, sometimes, manipulative way. Myself and partner have done a fair few favours for her over the time. We like to be nice and help where needed. I'm going to keep the following scenario as undetailed as possible, as it'll definitely be outing. I'm also going to leave out previous what I'd consider to be, 'form', as I'm really wanting opinions on this scenario, only.

My OH was approached by female friend to do a favour for her (one which either he, or I, could have done). She asked him to do this favour on the spot, there and then, and asked him to because she said that she had a minor, but painful injury which meant she could not. Think along the lines of a walk to the shops (not that - but very similar). He said yes, of course he'd do it for her as she's injured.

He took a few minutes to get changed, during which when he told me about it, I said 'Oh that's nice of you'. Then I thought on it for a second, and clarified - 'she's asked you to do this because she physically can't?'. He said, yes, that's what she's said. I had a gut feeling and told him, 'I'm willing to put money on this, that she's said this, yet is going to accompany you to do this task'. His response was 'How can she? (because of her injury) She can't'.

Female friend proceeded to accompany alongside my partner to do the task, as I'd suspected. My partner, surprised by this, told her, 'it's fine, I'll do it for you, it's no problem. You're injured, stay home'. She refused and absolutely insisted she accompany him. It meant that my partner doing this favour FOR her, seemed utterly pointless, as she was able to accompany him?

I just wondered what anyone would make of her, in particular, behaviour? My oh is very shy and not sociable, they only chat briefly in passing and aren't friends/don't hang out. He was rather annoyed and confused that he was asked to do a favour when it seems he didn't need to.

I'm sorry I can't give more specific details. Just wondered what you all would make of this friend.

Looking at this as an isolated incident:

being afraid of a fall but not wanting to be stuck in the house / alone is completely understandable.

if she wasn’t able to carry the bags (or transport them in some other manner) she was physically unable to get her own groceries.

but it would still be understandable for her to want to take this opportunity to get out of the house and walk (without having to worry about falling).

it doesn’t seem dishonest to me based on this incident alone, tbh.

but this seems to be a “bigger picture” issue. So you will have to decide whether this is a friendship worth keeping.

As a stand alone incident, which is the way you want to present it, It could well be inappropriate or it could easily be innocent.

I think you shouldn’t be afraid to ask her why she chose to go on the walk with him, after having told him that she couldn’t go herself.
Then you can judge her motive better. And call her out on it or adjust your own friendship with her in future, if necessary.

Interesting though, that your instinct was proved spot on and correct.
Don’t ever ignore your instinct.

She seems a bit strange but this is not the end of Western Civilisation as we know it - is it?

She's lonely.

Does she only ever contact you when she wants something?

'personal growth opportunity for you to develop stronger boundaries'. That is a brilliant way of putting it.

If she asks your DH for something, if able I would do it instead. If its something I couldn't do, I would go as well.

Or because that's too much of a faff, knock the "friendship" on the head

She insisted on accompanying him, which meant he needed haven't done it at all, she was quite capable, albeit struggling, and insisting on struggling along to accompany him, at quite some pain to her.

I don't see anything wrong with this. You acknowledge she was struggling and in considerable pain so she can't have also been capable. Maybe she couldn't do it all by herself but felt she should be there anyway.

But if she's your friend why don't you just ask her? It's not like she's some random stranger. I'm always amazed how many people on MN have such poor communication skills with their friends and families.

I think the really strange thing is how you and DH are both giving so much headspace to a friendship of two years with a weirdo.

I've got food in my fridge older than 2 years!

You must be getting something out of this friendship because no one would continue this friendship with someone like this.

She is a SNAKE. Watch her!

What a bizarre comment. Did anyone say it was?

I think other posters are being unnecessarily mean. She might just be really lonely and wanted the company. This doesn’t feel like a situation where I would immediately jump to a nasty conclusion!

Op what's the previousform?

Did she have an unstable upbringing?

My nasty, suspicious side wonders if the 'injury' is genuine.
You know, was she limping with the same leg all the time? Has she recovered extremely rapidly?
(Obviously been a physio for far too long here, I can sniff out the fakers at 50 paces)

She sounds lonely and wants company, maybe specifically male company as perhaps her self-esteem is tied up in having male attention. Maybe she specifically wants your husband but not necessarily.

II’m impressed with your rhyming skills

”I can sniff out the fakers
at 50 paces”

I may be a cynic
but come to my clinic
i’ll soon have you tying your laces.

If I thought my friend wanted to have an affair with my partner, then I would distance myself from her. I would also expect my partner to shut down any advances. So in the case in point, to have said either I go or you go as there's no point in us both going. No point speculating about her behaviour or motivation really, as once you've decided, rightly or wrongly that you cant trust a friend with your husband, the friendship is worthless from both sides and should be ended.

Hahaha
Very quick of you there!

Sorry, wrong thread. Post removed.

Are the other things related to getting your DH on her own with her - such as the bug thing? If there are more like that then I would suggest she fancies him and trying to shag him/have an affair with him.

I've had experience of a woman like this and my ex (he's not an ex because of her...). She was constantly trying to get him to go round to hers and do particular jobs for her (he's an electrician), even though we lived half an hour away from her and another bloke in the same hobby group as us lived down the road and had said he would do it (but he was a lot older than her and married). There were several months of this sort of thing and not just electrical jobs, all kinds of random shit like going shopping with her for a particular item which my ex never did - I suspect he wanted to but anyway:....
When she realized it was a non-starter she moved on to someone else's partner and started trying to get him to do stuff and he was constantly round at hers. That went nowhere and she eventually met and married someone from Tinder. Has been married to him for around a year and now she's started again trying to get another mutual friend to do jobs for her.

I would put distance between you and this "friend" and your partner should not do anything more for her on his own. Would be interesting to see what he says if you stop him from doing these things or insist on going with him.

Is the injury actually real, like a medically diagnosed one?

Or is it an "injury"?

Some users have already guessed it so yes, it was a dog walk. It's odd because when she's not been well, she just takes the dog to the garden for a quick pee, in the past. She had presented it as, 'can you take dog for a walk for the toilet, I can't as I've hurt myself'. I saw the person she shares accommodation with the next day, walking the dog alone, which I found interesting that my friend didn't accompany her.

The injury healed quick with some meds from the doctor a few days days later - I saw her walking fine with the dog. I've tried to stay away but she's tried to approach me a couple times for general chit chat and telling me all about her injury. I think she's very aware I'm not happy about it.

For clarity - this isn't a long term health issue/disability. She is very fit/healthy otherwise. The dog isn't difficult to walk, it's sprightly, but old.

Thank you for all the responses on both sides of the coin. I did wonder if it was reasonable in the sense a couple of posters have mentioned in that, they would feel guilty not 'helping' so would go along to do what they could. My OH wanted to do it quickly as we have our dogs to walk, and she slowed him down. If he'd known she was coming, he could have maybe taken one of our own.

Or just walked his own, with me instead!

I think without the other context I wouldn't think anything much of it - accompanying someone walking a dog is easier/less risky than holding the lead yourself if you're injured, and if you're injured you might like to get out of the house, but not alone. You say there is a history of this, though. I think that if you've become this suspicious, rightly or wrongly, the friendship is over.

There have been previous instances where she has asked him for help in her home. He said said yes he'll let her known when he can. And he's then actually waited for me, and asked me to come along, because he felt a bit uncomfortable (as in socially awkward) about doing it alone. The favours have no longer been needed when I've been present. One of these cases was asking him to fix something, he had to go the shops to pick something up to do the repair, and whilst he was shopping for the part, she invited her ex over to fix it instead. All I genuinely thought of this at the time, was she'd already got the help she needed in the meantime.

She has asked me to help her catch a bug in the home once. I did it no probs. Ever since she's asked my OH, even when I've been home/available. The fact she asked me that once, made me think it was innocent when she was asking my OH, at the time.

She has, under the influence, being very 'grabby' with him, grabbing his forearm repetitively when talking to him, when I've never seen her do this with anyone else (she is NOT a touchy person), not even her ex when they were together. Her ex was actually there at the time, and seemed fine with it, so I assumed it was just her way. I suppose I can't help that I noticed this, for some reason, though. Then pulling clothing up to show something in a very intimate area, repetitively. Believe it was 4 times, until I said 'Yes, we've already seen it several times now'. This was in public whilst she was under the influence. So I brushed it off as being a bit silly behaviour.

She has recently asked me to bring my OH with us on an outing. My other half isn't interested, when I've extended the invitation in the past. He's come along to maybe about 3 social things including her and others, in the past. He just doesn't want to. I thought she maybe felt sorry for him in a way, and trying to be inclusive/thoughtful to my partner, not that there's a reason to really. She was quite pushy when I explained he doesn't really want to, with her saying that he'd enjoy it once there.

I've spoken with a mutual friend. She has told me that friend isn't like this with her or her husband, but perhaps that's because she's known her for a bit less time/are less close. There are in fairness other differences there, that would make this more inappropriate if she behaved this way around our other friends husband. Again, would be outing.

My OH is a likeable, lovely person, just very reserved and shy. I suppose I always assumed in the past she liked him in a friendly way.

I do think it's a bit unfair the posters saying that I don't like her and that I'm not her friend. Could it be that this situation seemed very odd, along with my sudden intuition on it, and that by reflection, piecing it with other behaviours I'd considered quite innocent in the past, changes my perspective on it, hence needing opinions? I wasn't expecting that feeling of intuition to hit me, that she was going to go along. I've genuinely brushed off behaviour that seemed a tad odd in the past, as genuine. I've never been in this situ before.

I'm finding it odd to feel the way I do. I'm 100% secure in my OH, so I'm not threatened, worried or concerned in that way, which is making me lean to just ignore it. The other part of me wonders if I'm being taken the piss out of, and need stronger boundaries.

I'm taking absolutely everything on board and thinking carefully on it - both in respect to her, and myself. I appreciate all opinions, so thank you. I do like her. I feel odd about some of this behaviour, that's all. Friend has told me herself she has been manipulative to other people - hence my comment in my original post, on that. There are things that I can't just share, about her, in regards to previous form. Nor do I think it'd be fair really.