2 months without seeing friends

Twomoredaysofschool · 2024-03-24T23:00:40+00:00

How would you feel? Last had a catch up in January, time just flies by. Since then I’ve worked (part time) not the sort of jobs with colleagues, chatted with some mums briefly on the school run and spent the rest of the time with Dh and Dd…is this odd or normal?

25smallstacey · 24/03/2024 23:02

It is normal unfortunately. Everyone has such busy lives and weeks just fly by. If they are good friends, they'll always be there if you need

ARichtGoodDram · 24/03/2024 23:05

Not unusual for me. I go through stages where I don’t seem to see anyone except those that live in my house and then all of a sudden it’s lunches, birthdays, weddings, christenings and nights out for a few weeks in a row.

FraSz · 24/03/2024 23:08

Often the norm for me too. My best friend group are girls from my school days and we have another catch up scheduled but it will be just over 3 months since the last one. We have bumped into each other at kids birthday parties etc since but not anything for us. I’m really noticing I make no effort to meet up with anyone unless it’s someone with a child of my child’s age. I literally never see my friend’s who don’t have kids unless it’s an arranged group dinner or night out. I haven’t even been out the house with my husband in months without the kids.

I don’t hate it though 😂

Librarybooker · 24/03/2024 23:13

I find this normal. If you are all single and living in the same town and social orbit then once a week or fortnight might work if finances permit. But that’s too much for some people, even then. Just too much out and about.

With a family, depends on commitments as well. Once a month is a lot, 2 months/ 6 weeks manageable

SleepingStandingUp · 24/03/2024 23:16

I'd say unusual.
We do a girls weekend (March and October, school and uni), I see a friend twice a year (February and September), we're visiting friends Easter (April) and Summer (August)
Volunteer weekend which Inc seeing friends February, March, May and October.
Coffees for birthday present swaps / catch ups with one specific friend (February, May, September, December).

That's without impromptu coffee dates or play dates with the kids over holidays, random cinema dates etc.

But the important question is if it makes you happy or not

KarstRegion · 24/03/2024 23:21

I’m not sure what your AIBU is? Did you want to see them, and get in touch to propose meetings? Or are you asking whether it’s normal not to want to see friends for two months? Surely whatever works for you…?

I’ve had a very unsociable few months — work challenging, DH away a lot, had jettisoned 50,000 words of a new novel before Christmas and had to start again, DS needed support etc etc. Other than a few coffees, I’ve barely socialised since the New Year. That’s not normal for me.

Starlightstarbright3 · 24/03/2024 23:25

I caught up with a friend a couple of weeks ago we hadn’t seen each other since September . Time just caught up with us

junebirthdaygirl · 25/03/2024 04:21

This way of living only lasts for a certain length when your dc are young. Soon the time comes when ye are all freer and have more time for each other. Keep the contact as much as you can as these friendships are invaluable when you begin to have more free time. My dc are grown now but my time with my long time friends has gradually grown as my dc got more independent. Now l see them more than my dc and we really appreciate having each other. It's just a stage.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 25/03/2024 04:27

Normal - once you leave the carefree youth where you see friends all the time it’s so normal

Although I would struggle to be in a job without colleagues…

Can you take up an evening hobby while DH is home with DC just so you are socialising

DanielGault · 25/03/2024 04:30

Pretty normal imo. But in my case it was down to lack of effort on my part in a way. And friends try not to impose. I haven't seen my bf in months for example, but we talk often. We are still v v close. We're a bit like we live in different countries whereas we actually live in the same city. But it's the way it is for us right now, and it's ok. It's not forever. I love her to bits and I know she knows I do.and I think she feels the same about me. We'll manage human contact again at some stage 😄

wombleberry · 25/03/2024 04:44

FraSz · 24/03/2024 23:08

Often the norm for me too. My best friend group are girls from my school days and we have another catch up scheduled but it will be just over 3 months since the last one. We have bumped into each other at kids birthday parties etc since but not anything for us. I’m really noticing I make no effort to meet up with anyone unless it’s someone with a child of my child’s age. I literally never see my friend’s who don’t have kids unless it’s an arranged group dinner or night out. I haven’t even been out the house with my husband in months without the kids.

I don’t hate it though 😂

I'd love to hear you expand more on the not making an effort to meet up with your childfree friends if you wanted to make a comment. I'm now the last of my friendship group to not have kids (by choice) and exactly none of my friends (of decades) will ever make an effort to see me if they're in my area or even message me to say hi if we don't see each other. Like you say, they make zero effort unless it's to see someone with kids the same age as their own.

I'm just curious as to why, is it just a time and scheduling issue or are you just now completely uninterested in people who don't have kids because your lives are so different? On the other side of the fence, it suddenly feels like a super lonely place to be. It seems like nobody wants to talk about anything except their kids, nobody has any interest in my life because I don't have kids, nobody has any interest in maintaining any kind of friendship with me unless they have to make no effort (eg group outing where other people with kids will be there). It's honestly pretty painful at this point. How did my friendships of decades with all these shared experiences just disappear and why am I now invalid and irrelevant simply because I didn't make the same choices as my friends?

Polishedshoesalways · 25/03/2024 06:25

Op this is very much a fluid thing. I have seen friends daily, weekly, monthly, seasonally over the years. Friendships and fun are important to me, so I used to make the time. Although I am terrible in the winter and prefer to hibernate apart from a few lunches.

I now work and study ( final year) and I simply do not have the time or energy. I am there for special occasions, will drop anything if there is an emergency or problem but I can’t commit to more than than that at the moment. I have long standing friends who are in the same boat

My experience is it gets harder as we age. I am much more tired than I used to, evenings are a slog.

Stay in touch, if you can make time for a calll. Schedule something in during the quieter times. Let them know what is happening so that they understand your position.

Polishedshoesalways · 25/03/2024 06:31

wombleberry · 25/03/2024 04:44

I'd love to hear you expand more on the not making an effort to meet up with your childfree friends if you wanted to make a comment. I'm now the last of my friendship group to not have kids (by choice) and exactly none of my friends (of decades) will ever make an effort to see me if they're in my area or even message me to say hi if we don't see each other. Like you say, they make zero effort unless it's to see someone with kids the same age as their own.

I'm just curious as to why, is it just a time and scheduling issue or are you just now completely uninterested in people who don't have kids because your lives are so different? On the other side of the fence, it suddenly feels like a super lonely place to be. It seems like nobody wants to talk about anything except their kids, nobody has any interest in my life because I don't have kids, nobody has any interest in maintaining any kind of friendship with me unless they have to make no effort (eg group outing where other people with kids will be there). It's honestly pretty painful at this point. How did my friendships of decades with all these shared experiences just disappear and why am I now invalid and irrelevant simply because I didn't make the same choices as my friends?

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It’s not you.

Energy is a limited resource when we have children, if we can combine something that is good for our children and also see a friend perfect, two birds and one stone. We also receive support, understanding and share problems so it’s doubly beneficial- we learn from each other.

Seeing friends without children feels like a one off treat, an indulgence when the dc are young. It’s very tiring raising children of all ages. Exhausting.

Your friends children will gradually grow up and they will have more free time in the future. Children have to take priority especially in the early years.

Overthebow · 25/03/2024 06:37

wombleberry · 25/03/2024 04:44

I'd love to hear you expand more on the not making an effort to meet up with your childfree friends if you wanted to make a comment. I'm now the last of my friendship group to not have kids (by choice) and exactly none of my friends (of decades) will ever make an effort to see me if they're in my area or even message me to say hi if we don't see each other. Like you say, they make zero effort unless it's to see someone with kids the same age as their own.

I'm just curious as to why, is it just a time and scheduling issue or are you just now completely uninterested in people who don't have kids because your lives are so different? On the other side of the fence, it suddenly feels like a super lonely place to be. It seems like nobody wants to talk about anything except their kids, nobody has any interest in my life because I don't have kids, nobody has any interest in maintaining any kind of friendship with me unless they have to make no effort (eg group outing where other people with kids will be there). It's honestly pretty painful at this point. How did my friendships of decades with all these shared experiences just disappear and why am I now invalid and irrelevant simply because I didn't make the same choices as my friends?

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In all honesty it’s just easier to meet with friends with children a similar age. I always feel guilty meeting with friends without children as my DC are young and need a lot of attention, having a proper conversation can be difficult and coming up with conversation that’s not about the kids is hard when they’re constantly around. When I meet with friends with children the kids play together, and my friends and I can sympathise with each other, share advice and we just get the situation. I don’t have to apologise for tantrums or not finishing a sentence.

There’s also just not much time or capacity for doing other things, I’m constantly exhausted, there’s so much to think about with getting DC places, feeding them, thinking of what they need and want, I don’t get time to think of myself much really. I’d always prioritise my DC and what would be a fun day for them, and going to somewhere kid oriented with children their age is what we usually do. I do see my friends without kids sometimes, but usually in a group setting where other friends are there too with their children.

xSideshowAuntSallyx · 25/03/2024 06:39

I can go for months without seeing friends then it's all in one month. Find winter tends to be quiet in general though.

But I work long hours in a job that is fairly stressful, in my spare time I'd rather go to the gym or for a walk/bike ride.

WhatNoRaisins · 25/03/2024 06:45

It's one of those things that is both normal and something that is fine to feel sad about. I wish I could see my friends a bit more often.

Samlewis96 · 25/03/2024 06:49

Overthebow · 25/03/2024 06:37

In all honesty it’s just easier to meet with friends with children a similar age. I always feel guilty meeting with friends without children as my DC are young and need a lot of attention, having a proper conversation can be difficult and coming up with conversation that’s not about the kids is hard when they’re constantly around. When I meet with friends with children the kids play together, and my friends and I can sympathise with each other, share advice and we just get the situation. I don’t have to apologise for tantrums or not finishing a sentence.

There’s also just not much time or capacity for doing other things, I’m constantly exhausted, there’s so much to think about with getting DC places, feeding them, thinking of what they need and want, I don’t get time to think of myself much really. I’d always prioritise my DC and what would be a fun day for them, and going to somewhere kid oriented with children their age is what we usually do. I do see my friends without kids sometimes, but usually in a group setting where other friends are there too with their children.

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See if was completely different for me when my kids were younger I simply didn't have friends with kids except for an old schoofriend whom just happened to have similar ages ones. But it was rare that we met u actually with the kids.

Same with so called " mum friends" from schools. I do have a couple of friends that their kids were at school with my DDz but I didn't know them then. We became friends through pub quiz nights etc and the kids were older by then so left at home

Trouble is if you just concentrate on others with kids you may eventually find out that's all you have in common once they grown so drift apart and you are left as Billy no mates because you didn't bother with all the others and they had enough

WhatNoRaisins · 25/03/2024 06:54

I do think that people who don't make their friends a priority need to accept that their friends may just lose interest and give up. It's hard though when you've go out loads of commitments and don't live near each other.

menopausalmare · 25/03/2024 06:58

I teach so I see teacher friends in the holidays. I love getting dates in the calendar so I have something to look forward to and the children get outdoors with friends.
During term time, we might arrange a get together when the weather is good. It's harder in the colder months - I can't wait for a bit of sunshine.
Reach out to friends and get some dates in the calendar.

lap90 · 25/03/2024 06:58

Would you like to see your friends more?

Do you make a conscious effort to maintain friendships?

Some friends i take a while without seeing in person, others i see more regularly.

Regardless of how much we see each other, effort is made to check in regularly.

MyLeftKnee · 25/03/2024 07:05

I think you have to judge what's normal for you. If this situation feels strange then be proactive. I would say I am unusual in that I have almost no friends and am happy with that. Like a PP said I would find it difficult if I was in a solo work environment but I find that at work people think I am outgoing, fun, happy and I am but once I'm home I've had enough chatting. I have one set of married friends we see 3 times a year, my husband goes on nights out, as do my kids. I just love my own company and get enough talking at work and the school gate. I always duck out of anything else. That's my normal

FraSz · 25/03/2024 09:09

wombleberry · 25/03/2024 04:44

I'd love to hear you expand more on the not making an effort to meet up with your childfree friends if you wanted to make a comment. I'm now the last of my friendship group to not have kids (by choice) and exactly none of my friends (of decades) will ever make an effort to see me if they're in my area or even message me to say hi if we don't see each other. Like you say, they make zero effort unless it's to see someone with kids the same age as their own.

I'm just curious as to why, is it just a time and scheduling issue or are you just now completely uninterested in people who don't have kids because your lives are so different? On the other side of the fence, it suddenly feels like a super lonely place to be. It seems like nobody wants to talk about anything except their kids, nobody has any interest in my life because I don't have kids, nobody has any interest in maintaining any kind of friendship with me unless they have to make no effort (eg group outing where other people with kids will be there). It's honestly pretty painful at this point. How did my friendships of decades with all these shared experiences just disappear and why am I now invalid and irrelevant simply because I didn't make the same choices as my friends?

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That’s so sad you feel that way. I think for me I am just so ‘up to my eyes’ in the juggle of work, looking after young kids, walking the dog, making dinner etc etc that my head hits the pillow at night and it hasn’t even crossed my mind to reach out to anyone, with or without kids. I then sort of prioritise my kids (mainly the toddler as he actually knows what’s going on) and arrange to meet up with friends with toddlers so that he gets to socialise. We do sometimes have a group night out and I love seeing my friends without kids but it wasn’t until I saw one of them at a kids party the other week that I suddenly felt like I wanted to try and arrange something with her as life just kept on racing past and I hadn’t messaged her in months.

I’ve also not prioritised things like washing my hair, going to the gym, getting my nails done etc, so it’s not just the friends thing I’ve let slip 🙈 I do consciously try at group things not to talk about kids all the time but everyone else there has kids of the same age so naturally the conversation does go onto kids quite often. I think I just need to start being more firm with myself and allocating time for things like even popping them a quick message

Nannyfannybanny · 25/03/2024 09:14

My best friend lives just over 100 round trip, she works nights, sleeps in the day,so I catch up on a rare day off. Then various illnesses, consultant appointments got in the way. Usually see her every couple of months.

crostini · 25/03/2024 09:15

Not my experience at all. At least a couple of times a week. I have two small kids. Local friends. See them sometimes in the day with the kids, but mostly for drinks/food on an evening. A have quite casual friends though so nothing has to be put in the diary for weeks but rather. 'Do you fancy doing this tonight'.
I'm also bump into my friends a lot as live in a small city, so also lots of unplanned coffee etc

Strugglingtodomybest · 25/03/2024 09:22

How would you feel?

I'd feel like something was wrong. I'd feel like this because I see my friends quite a lot so if two months had passed without seeing any of them, I'd be wondering what's going on.

is this odd or normal?

I don't think you can judge it like that. There is no normal.