2 months without seeing friends

[Twomoredaysofschool]

How would you feel?

Last had a catch up in January, time just flies by. Since then I’ve worked (part time) not the sort of jobs with colleagues, chatted with some mums briefly on the school run and spent the rest of the time with Dh and Dd…is this odd or normal?

It could go months. Think life busy for everyone. I have felt Im always doing the chasing up though. My dd has wend sport so thats hard aswell as day is gone once we travel

This wouldn’t be usual for me, I see at least one of my friends each week. I do have once or twice a year friends as well and two friends I see individually twice each month.

Even when my DC were young this was the case, I think a lot of women don’t have the time for hobbies and friends where as a lot of men seem to find the time.

I was going to comment that 2 months is definitely on the lower end of normal.

But you've made me think, it's a bit sad, isn't it?

@wombleberry

I've been on both sides of this situation: I can both totally understand how this happens and also completely understand how shit this makes you feel.

Unfortunately, the reality of life when you have very small children is that you are dog tired, you rarely spend much time on your own without your children, you have no mental bandwidth at all and no time. I remember feeling slightly insecure around child free people because I had had no time to read a book or watch an interesting movie or do anything so I found being with child-free people made me a bit uncomfortable.

On the other side of the coin: I do think that people who choose to shun child-free people are being very short-sighted. The period of your life when you're up to your eyes in softplay sessions and endless Peppa Pig doesn't last that long. You will get to a point where you crave adult company and a small investment in keeping your hand in with people whose lives don't revolve around messy play will play dividends in the long run.

If you really feel that your friends have dropped you because you don't have kids they are not really friends.

@Thepeopleversuswork @Polishedshoesalways @Overthebow @Samlewis96 thanks so much for posting and for the perspective reset. I haven't been able to see things from my friends' perspectives before and reading your experiences has helped me take a step back and realise that of course they're all busier than I am and more tired than I am and have a whole load of mental and emotional things on their plates that I just don't have.

I need to take this less personally (I'm still sad to have the friendships shift and become more distant, but that's life, and some friends are simply not interested in anything outside their own kids for now which is just how it is), and embrace the fact that since I have more time and bandwidth, I can choose to be the one reaching out and keeping the friendships going, whatever that looks like for now.

@wombleberry

I think it's totally understandable that you're taking this personally. I just would keep in mind that the majority of people will come out of this small child bubble at some point.

Those who have taken time and trouble to keep their friendships going will reap the benefits of this because they will still have friends. Those who have disappeared into a hole will suddenly wake up one morning and realise that they've lost friendships by failing to invest in them.

It's quite normal in adult life, for me anyway. I have a friendship group with 4 of us, 3 work in a school and have half terms, I am currently on mat leave but work in a private nursery (all year round). Two of us have babies/children, the other two don't and love to go travelling in the half terms. Finding time that suits all of our lifestyles is difficult but we have a great time when we arrange to meet. Totally get you are a little miffed but everyone has busy lives.

Totally normal! I see my girly friends once every 5 -6 months! Rest of time I'm with my DS and DH.