AIBU to cancel on my friend

[Sundaycoffee]

I have plans to go for dinner with a good friend that I haven't seen in a couple of months and these plans have been in the diary for about 3 weeks now for next weekend. I know she is looking forward to them.
My parents have offered us to come and stay at their house that night while they are away in the countryside. So a bit of peace and quiet, some nice walks, bath etc. Compared to our small flat.
Would IBU to cancel on my friend to go. Obviously move to another date but I know she may be disappointed

Fucks sake. Shitty.

I'd ask to rearrange with your friend. As long as the date isn't in another month then it's fine.

@idontlikealdi there is now an edit button to correct mistakes, only for 5 mins after posting though, it’s very handy

It’s essentially just a variation of choosing 1:1 time with the person you’re dating (living with in this case) over a friend.

Not the main point but I wouldn’t find time with my DP at my parents’ or in laws’ home (with them away) remotely relaxing or sexy!

I don’t think this should be an issue as long as a new date can be found within days of the original date. If it means a delay of weeks then yes that would be unfair.

Could your friend come to your parents house for dinner?

Me and my friends often change dates on each other. None of us are offended because we all like having the flex.

I'm reading this as dinner with friend in home town/city or night away with DP in parents' home/countryside. Inviting the friend along is likely to be the least appealing option for all of them. Friend would want dinner with OP not to be in the way on their couple's weekend with their walks and baths. DP wouldn't want that either and OP would be caught in the middle. So I'd forget inviting friend unless I've hugely misread that, and I'd stick to dinner with friend, especially if she's single and likely to be planning her Easter w/e around it. Cancelling her for coupley time with the DP you already live with is crappy.

I always stick with the first invite I’ve accepted/date in the diary in these situations.

If I really wanted to go parents over dinner with friend, I’d suggest breakfast as parents have asked you “to house sit” so you still get to meet up and also go parents.

So you got a better offer. If you wouldn't mind your friend doing it to you then go for it. Will you tell her the truth?

I would ask her.

I would say "I am really to happy to meet on Saturday as planned, but mum just called wondering if I could house sit. I have told her no as I have plans to see you, but I thought I would double check with you though, just in case you hadn't realised it was Easter weekend and were wondering how to get out of it 🫢. But Saturday is still fine with me"

So you are giving her the opportunity to bail if she hadn't realised it was Easter.

You couldn't take your friend to your parents' place?!

Invite the friend to play gooseberry for a weekend instead of rearranging one meal?

Some of you lot are weird. Seriously weird.

It’s a shit thing to do. Don’t be surprised if you become an ex friend if you pull this sort of stunt.

I pressed send by mistake.

It is also telling her that you have been asked to house sit for your mum and being a good friend she might say to do that instead.

It's just communicating with each other.

So your parents have basically asked you to house sit?

YABU, surely you can stay at your parent's house when they're actually there?

@DarkDarkTimeOfLife not on the app!

A couple of months ago I had a longstanding arrangement with a friend then got an invitation to a party with people I hadn't seen for years. My friend said she'd understand if I wanted to go to the party but I told her I'd already sent my apologies. Original arrangements come first and I don't think you should cancel if you subsequently get a different offer. Emergencies and illness are different of course.

I've got a flakey friend that sends me messages along these lines when we've arranged something, and to me, it's glaringly obvious that she wants to do the other thing and is hoping I'll let her off the hook.
It leaves a nasty taste, I'd rather she was just honest and said I'd rather do this!

Stick with your plans with your friend. Go to your parents after if the house is still free.

Seems a bit shitty just because you think you've now got a better offer. Would you care if she did it to you?

This

Don't cancel on your friend. I assume your parents will still be living in their house in the future and will probably go away again at some point this year so stay at theirs then.

dont cancel on your friend.

This! I have had friends ask me how I felt when they've had other things crop up, and I never minded switching days. Good friends are usually flexible and care about your happiness and the fact that you are being upfront.

And as a good friend in return, you will also understand if she doesn't have another day and continue with your plan to see her. So talk to her and see what you can work out.

Id stick with the plan with your friend. You said you know she is looking forwards to it and with it being bank holiday weekend,it might be too short notice for her to make any other plans now.

If you sent a message asking me if I minded you cancelling, I'd feel obliged to say it's fine as I'd feel like you asking means you want to cancel or rearrange.

Couldn't you just go and stay at your parents house another weekend, even if they are there?