I didn’t go to my friends birthday and feel awful

[bananashrimps]

I was due to go, I got ready and changed.

My friend decided to have a few drinks at her house, from 7:30 until 9, then go out later. I had decided to only go to the drinks, and not out, because I’m not drinking at the moment and I hate nights out. But I thought I’ll go to her house and show my face.

I arrive in my car just after 7:30. She lives smack bang in the middle of the city centre and I spend over half an hour circling and can’t find a space.
The closest space I could find is a 10 minute walk away.
Honestly, I was scared. It’s a dodgy area and I saw men hanging around. I didn’t want to walk the 10 minute walk in the dark.

I tried to ring her and messaged her but she didn’t reply at all. I didn’t know anyone else at the drinks very well at all.

By this point it was 8:15. I thought about going home and then getting a taxi, but then it’d be nearly 9pm and they’d be going out.
I thought about meeting them out and sucking it up.

In the end I just sent another message apologising.
I feel so so guilty and keep questioning myself and my morals. Should I have just walked, should I have made more effort etc. I’m just sat on my sofa and feel so bad. I said ages ago that I’d come.
My boyfriend (who is currently away and so couldn’t drop me) told me I shouldn’t feel bad at all but I just can’t help it.

Am I wrong to feel like a horrible person?

OK so why didn't you get a cab in the first place if you knew it was hard to park near her house and you'd feel scared walking for 10 minutes in the early evening

I wouldn't be impressed if I were your friend, life doesn't have to be this difficult

What people are saying is that, assuming the OP also lives in/near this city, she was entirely at liberty to leave her car safely at home, and take a taxi or public transport to her friend’s.

I do understand the anxiety, especially when lack of parking is added to the mix - I take public transport to my local city on the weekend rather than drive as it’s limited at the best of times.

However, it’s clear from your op that you didn’t want to go at all. People who are pre drinking and getting buzzed for a night out aren’t really going to be the best company for a sober person who has zero interest in either of those things. I’m not sure why you wanted to go to ‘show your face’ when you didn’t want to take part in any of the partying your friend was having? A simple message wishing your friend a great night would have avoided your unnecessary stress.

I think if you do have anxiety then posting on AIBU is not going to make you feel better!

If she is a good friend she will understand. Just explain you couldn't find anywhere to park, panicked and drove home. Apologise and ask if you can take her out for drinks/coffee/ lunch whatever, to give her a pressie. I'm sure she will be fine if you explain. Don't be hard on yourself. Anxiety is a horrible thing and so easy to spiral out of control

Only the OP knows whether she was avoiding the situation or genuinely had huge unpredicted difficulty in attending. We can only offer up our own take; mine is that the OP was avoiding the uncomfortable anxiety by avoiding taking steps that would have meant she could attend.

I’m not misapplying the concept of Resilience. It is most definitely the ability to cope with and grow from difficult situations. Part of coping will be dealing with uncomfortable feelings . That might feel difficult or impossible; for lots of different reasons; including that the impact of the difficult feelings is so significant and the person will need support to deal with them. But where this is not the case there’s nothing wrong with the principle of trying to strength our healthy coping strategies rather than relying on unhelpful ones like avoidance.