To have said no to friend moving in

[Lastqueenofscotland2]

Hopefully this is not too outing…
A very long standing friend of mine is going through what is going to be a pretty messy divorce.
They are selling the house but there isn’t a huge market for what they are selling (and they are being a bit unrealistic about the price) so it’s a slow process.

She’s desperate to leave the house, which I do have sympathy for.
Recently she asked about her and her 2 sons moving with me, if it was just for a week or so I’d consider it but it won’t be it would need to be for at least a year I would imagine, potentially longer as she is on a NMW and I think will not be able to rent what she would like (3 bed) and we are fairly rural, so social housing is incredibly limited.

There are a number of reasons why this is a no, mainly being space, I live in a lovely but VERY old cottage which was not designed with modern family in mind! I only have one spare bedroom, one bathroom and not loads of living space, it would be a real squeeze.

I really don’t like her STBXH and don’t want him in my house or turning up to see the boys unannounced (which he would do).
Also fundamentally I just don’t want to!

I’ve said sorry but no it’s not going to work and she has got quite upset about it, so now I am doubting myself!

Sounds perfectly reasonable, none of you would end up enjoying living together and she's not homeless.

stand your ground.

she may be your friend but this would have a massive impact on your daily life and it is okay to say no!

if you say yes I think you will regret it.

I would struggle with sharing the bathroom and lack of personal space having not one but three extra people living with you.

Also she shouldn't make you feel guilty. this must be hard for her but I would nip that in the bud.

It would be a hard no from me

Gosh no. And I say that as someone who has taken in a friend - but we have the space, it sounds like you don’t.

You've absolutely made the right decision.

You can help her in other ways but it won't work out her moving in

How old are the children?

YANBU. Don’t do it. Think of how hard it’ll be to eventually ask her to leave!

pretty sure if you said yes after a year of living together there would be so many problems you wouldn’t be friends at the end anyway.

God, really really don’t do this. It would be a disaster.

Don't do it, you don't have enough space.

Absolutely not. Don’t be guilted.

Not a chance.

YANBU - your friend is lucky to have your support but she's asking way too much here.

Absolutely not.

@Lastqueenofscotland2

i would ask for this to be deleted. She's a mum, she may well be on here & this would be more of a friendship breaker than saying no to them moving in.

YANBU unreasonable though, your cottage is too small to have another family move in for a very long period & you would feel dreadful asking them to move, when she's unlikely to be able to rent what she wants, even what she needs. Houses with you, she won't get any housing help either.

If you had a 5 bedroom house and masses of room I'd say No to beyond a 1 month stay.

In your small house and indefinite? Don't think about it. Total disaster and I'd bet my house that your friendship would be destroyed.

Besides, isn't the usual advice to not leave the marital home?

They are just going to have to be adult and rub along until the home is sold.

I’ve said sorry but no it’s not going to work and she has got quite upset about it

She's being unreasonable. If you give in to her 'upset', in a year's time you could find yourself relegated to the sofa whilst she commandeers one bedroom and the kids the other.

No you’re not unreasonable, it’s an huge imposition on someone especially without a fixed date for the arrangement ending. To be honest the fact it’s already soured the relationship shows likely how it would have ended up had she actually moved in.

This!

No it would be a nightmare. If it was for a short defined period then maybe but def not for a year or more. where would they even sleep. It was awful of her to ask

That's some brass neck she has, to even ask, let alone try to guilt trip you over (reasonably) saying no. Wow.

Could you offer her the spare room for the odd night. Just her though

Far too big an ask I'm afraid, stand your ground.

JFC no! Immediate friendship killer.