What you advice be to your 31 year old self?

[PurpleDinos]

…need a bit of pick me up. I’m 31, single for about 7 months after an 8 year relationship. Lonely, tired and hopeless…

maybe I can find some comfort and advice in your replies!

Start exercising and lose weight now not in 5 years.

Don’t get married. Ever

Dump him now. He won’t improve, you’ll just waste your chance of having kids

Change career now

He’s Interested.
Not Suitable
Too Young

It will be the best decision you ever make

@PurpleDinos sorry to hear about your relationship breakdown.. that must be super hard after 8 years..
I think really people's responses and advice will depend so much on their circumstances at that age. As for me, after a long period single from 22 to 29, I met my now husband and had a good few years together before having DC1 at 34 and DC2 at 39. To myself I'd say not to leave it so long between the 2..but also to have really focused on career and savings in early 30s.. feels like we just frittered away money and now in early 40s could really have done with putting more away especially into pensions..also should have stretched ourselves with property more when we could afford to and rates were low.
On the other hand i had a lot of fun in early 30s..Still clubbing, travelling and going out a lot. I remember thinking a lot of my friends had got old so quickly..
It depends rather on what you want out of life e.g. children.. Good career, adventure. I'm not sure anyone can advise you as such- but I wish you all the best. 31 seems young to me now!

I don't know about cheer you up.

I want to tell my 31 year old self to stop fucking eating!

Stop stressing over not being in a relationship they are almost never worth being in anyway

Stop smoking

Don't get involved with him for at least a year after the divorce, it's the wrong time and it will end in tears

Get yourself outside and realise how much you love nature

Don't move into that property - rent a room instead and you'll buy a house sooner

If you don't want to go don't go, fuck pleasing everyone else they won't really care anyway

Keep your financial business to yourself

Don't take him out of the friendship zone. You don't love him and you never will

I woke tell myself , you are not old, you don't have to settle and amazing things are definitely just around the corner

Enjoy your size 10 figure. Don't go back to work yet - stay at home for a few more years with your little ones. Don't take crap off your MiL - stand up for yourself.

I would tell my younger self that things are going to get so much better, and start using serums now.

Advice for 31 year old me?

Do the Fear of Public Speaking course now, not in 7 years time.

Chose men with your head not your heart. Passion and sex and chemistry and yearning and excitement are indeed fabulous but never, ever, EVER ignore red flags. EVER. Be ruthless and dump. Clue yourself up about abuse and narcissism. Learn to spot it.

This. Marriage is not about love and romance. Its a contract. Be extremely careful who you marry, if anyone and always make sure you are financially independent.

Great posts on here OP :) Can I add:

Start paying lots of money into your pension

Make sure you marry for the right reasons - if not, better not to marry

Do things you want to do - don't wait for the right time

Try to lose weight and get a good exercise habit

Always use the good bath oil

I was 31 when I left my partner of 9 years. Had a couple of years of ‘finding myself’. I am now 13 years with 2 beautiful children.

Just be yourself. Don’t push it. Enjoy this time ..

Leave now he isn’t going to change u can manage on your own it will be fine x

Get your tits done.

Stick to a healthy weight

Do nice things for yourself. When I was single if I wasn’t out at the weekend I’d watch some Netflix and enjoy a couple of glasses of wine! I’d also buy myself flowers.

There might come a time in a few years when you’re knee deep in nappies and bottles and have no time for yourself so enjoy it now

Stop drinking alcohol.
Get treatment for depression.
Finish professional qualifications.

Travel as much as you can
Eat less
If you want to do something, do it - if others follow along for the ride that’s fine, but just do it alone if necessary!
Save money where you can but don’t skimp on adventures
Dump the boyfriends who don’t serve you - make sure you date plenty so you can work out the good eggs easier
Don’t fall for the “I only take drugs at parties” line, it doesn’t get easier to leave them the longer time goes on

I sympathise OP, I cancelled a wedding at 30 and dumped my fiance of 8 years and moved back in with my parents. I had a whale of a time and got to know them as adults which is so much better a relationship than in my teens. I also managed to save enough for a house and am financially independent now. I’m now in late 30s and still having lots of fun (and not stuck in shitty relationships unlike some friends). I’ve also made lots of new friends.

reinvent yourself, you are young and a whole life ahead of you. Do what you really want to seek help, pay for help, reinvent yourself - you don't need a lot of money to do that. I wish I had but too old now

Leave

For your reference, I will shortly be 61. Here’s what I would say to 31 year old me:-
Other people’s children can be really vile, you need to make sure our children have good confidence and can stand up for themselves. Don’t let that stop you from bringing up the best humans you can though because they really are the gentlemen you set out to raise and you will be proud of that.
Schools and teachers are not on yours or our children’s side sometimes, be prepared to stand up for our children.
Your in laws are complete shits and that’s not your fault.
In fact don’t be letting our husband try and convince you that you’re to blame for everything and certainly don’t think you’re going mad when you don’t recall his version of events.
If you stop putting up with shit from our husband sooner it will be better for our relationship with him in the end.
You are not frigid! He’s a crap, selfish lover….😔
Our husband is a good man really but immature and needs help to grow up. That shouldn’t be our job but unfortunately it is.
Our husband is a really good dad, devoted so there’s something to be happy about.
You are entitled to friends and if our husband doesn’t like it that’s tough for him.
You’re going to find this hard to hear but our brother and his children are going to break you, don’t waste time on them.
As soon as mum gives you her cross stitch stuff and offers to show you how to do it, do that with her straight away!
People you like to think will last forever won’t.
Good luck, I hope you do better than I did.

I'd say, "Do not stay in this relationship any longer, you can get through this pregnancy alone and avoid 8 years of domestic abuse. Your children will grow up to be very successful and people will love you. You are in fact going to achieve the goals that this man is trying to crush in you. You will be happily married again for 18+ years. Trust your instincts! Do not get a puppy."