To think that DH is weirdly angry about me being sick?

[DickheadDH]

It's so hard to pin the exact behaviour down but I'll try. Obvious name change.

DH always seems irritated and jealous when I am unwell. It's a general vibe and like he goes out of his way to ignore me.

I'm currently ill with some awful virus, high fever, cough and feeling achy all over and dizzy. The dc are also quite unwell, so I have them both in with me tonight, and I wanted to put the steamer on.

I asked DH for help to reach it as it's on top of the kitchen cupboards and I couldn't reach. He ignored me and pretended he didn't hear.

I got quite upset as I was worried I was going to fall off the chair (and I realise this sounds dramatic, but it actually hurt dragging the stupidly heavy thing across to the cupboard so I can reach).

When DH saw I was upset he got angry and sulkily said 'why are you trying to pick a row'. I couldn't be arsed with the drama as I'm shattered so just said sorry I wasn't feeling well (to which he grunted) and went up to the dc.

I realise this may sound like a mountain out of a molehill, but something like this happens every time I am unwell. He also starts claiming he is sick every time (despite not having a fever, cough or any discernable symptoms).

I'm quite confused. When he is like this I genuinely worry that if something was seriously wrong with me he wouldn't call an ambulance. I know that seems silly but it's just this feeling that he doesn't give a shit about me.

But when I'm not ill he loving, caring and attentive. It's so bizarre.

His DM is a bit like this. You can't be sicker, or having a worse time than she is or she seems to get sulky.

What the fuck is this? Does anyone else face this behaviour? I have tried to discuss it with DH but he just says I'm imagining things and not to be ridiculous.

So weird because my dad always did this growing up! Nothing to do with doing chores or anything, just extra snappy and pissed off and not asking how I was whenever I was ill.

So he can be a nice partner when you’re well and focused on him and not asking for anything.

What a prince. Ugh. @DickheadDH he sounds like an intolerable and selfish shit. Love and partnership is about supporting the other person when they need support, amongst other things. But not being able to trust or rely on your partner when you’re unwell exposes the rot at the core of the relationship. I’m sorry, that’s horrible for you. Get well soon

He's not following the in sickness and in health part of the wedding vows. What if you were seriously ill? Your username is right, why stay with someone who treats you so poorly?

I work in healthcare, over 30 years of experience. A significant minority of male partners leave or become abusive to female partners when they are diagnosed with a potentially fatal, life altering or chronic medical condition. I dont mean the ones who are so overwhelmed that they dont know what to do , I mean the ones that actually do not care at all or are angry that THEIR life will change.
The strange thing is that its often not the ones you think it will be. Some very , very traditional husbands have been the most fantastic support and the nicest seeming men have fucked off.

How are you OP? Haven’t rtft but the glass in chest feeling could be pleurisy

He sounds triggered. Fight or flight mode. If this only happens when you are unwell and you say his mum has issues too. Could it be that illness triggers him? He may feel like a little boy trapped and stressed and upset. Doesn’t give him any right to do it, mind you. He needs help to ensure his issues don’t cause pain to others.

Same here, my husband says I'm cold hearted cos I don't fuss over him when he's doing his dying Swan act. I don't ignore him or act jealous in any way though like ops husband so I don't know what his problem is

I have experienced this behaviour and believe it is caused by fear of losing you. DH detaches himself to stop the pain he feels.

Same here. Not nasty, but in denial. COVID floored me. I was three days flat out not being able to breathe properly, sick and dizzy, then 14 more poorly and weak. He told everyone who asked that I was fine.
I isolated myself and only came out to the loo when he left the house, and wiped everything, because I was seriously worried about giving it to him.
I had to beg for food and drinks, and got it eventually with a very huffy attitude. I picked up a bottle of pop and packet of biscuits left lying on the side and took them in with me, so that I had something to eat. Everything was too much trouble.
I seriously do worry about what would happen if I became unable to look after myself in later life.

I‘m not very good when people I care about are ill. I know I can be a bit short with them sometimes and just want them to be better as fast as possible.
For me I’ve worked out that it’s an anxiety/worry response.
It’s something I’m trying to get better at.