Just chatting on line... AIBU to think we should be moving faster?

[southpawz]

So I've been love bombed , used, treated like shite basically but essentially enabled it all in the past.
I've worked on myself, my boundaries and am looking for green flags.

I'm chatting to what seems like a lovely , solid, funny, decent man for the last week. No love bombing but I have found that I am initiating contact and when I do we have great chats and a date planned for the weekend.

We chatted last night and I tailed off conversation as I was tired and he was working from home( own business)
He hasn't text yet today .
We're done to meet on Sunday .
IlL
Hold tough here but am I expecting too much ?
FWIW I'm Used to men texting through the day and evening...
Thanks.

You've got to consider the quality of the contact you're getting not just the quantity. This was sooo normal. The convo trailed off and then he didnt text the next day. Its not like he left you hanging mid conversation. Or like he's disrespectful and only in contact when he wants to "sext". Well done for all the work you've done on yourself. Perhaps the next thing to think about is why you need so much reassurance about how things are going and why you get so anxious without it. Some good advice I got was to mirror someone else's energy and communication style... if they take 3 hours to reply to a message, you don't prioritise replying to theirs in 5 minutes! This isn't about playing games, it's about not prioritising someone more highly than they are you or more highly than their status in your life deserves. If this date doesn't come off, it might be tempting to think your instincts were right. I don't think that's the case though sadly, he's probably now feeling under way too much pressure.

When I did online dating, of the I think it was about 50 guys I had a date with in the end, about 6 times when we had a date planned for eg a Saturday, I didn't hear from them eg on the Thursday. 3 of those guys had disappeared. And 3 I still met but they were simply busy with their lives and didn't want to spend time texting someone they hadn't yet met. This is one of the hardest things about OLD, you simply don't know why at the beginning.
Next time op, and I know it's hard not to because it's fun to do so, try not to get carried away at all before you've met.

@southpawz is he still amenable to meeting tomorrow now?

Stop listening to posters on here who are feeding your insecurities.
Some people regardless of opinions on Mumsnet are not attached to their phones day and night.

Indeed.

I never confirmed exact location of a date before the day, so you could text on the day to confirm plans and arrange meet point. So they could beck out then if they wanted.

Sorry but you're complaining because he didn't text, but from what I understand, you didn't text him either?? Why do people play games, it's stupid.

If you want to talk to someone, TALK to them. Don't sit there stewing waiting for them to text first. They might be doing EXACTLY the same, and you're both just sitting there, alone, wondering what the other is thinking.

Life's too bloody short!

Sounds like he had a lucky escape!

To be honest, I can't bear the constant texting with someone I haven't even met, or met just once...saying morning, how did you sleep, and goodnight, sleep well, with lots of inane chat in-between puts me off a guy, but I know I'm super fussy after years of being on my own.

Yes we will meet. We had a quick and light chat about our differing experiences and habits on the phone and we are entirely different that way so at least we both know that now!
He apologised for not bothering to text and I apologised for being too full on re messaging. Great advice re meeting a person at their level of engagement !All sorted and excited now !! Thanks.

Not everyone is a big texter. If you had a date planned for Sunday then that is not a long gap to bridge and him not being in constant contact isn't a sign he isn't interested. Everyone has different communication styles.

Sounds like this turned into a great opportunity to be honest with each other and have a good chat, so all's well. Hope Sunday goes well!

Not everybody texts all the time, my Dh and l never text during the day unless something unusual has come up, my close friends and l only text weekly!

People are busy with work and family and life!

How was the date?
I wouldn't date someone who lives so far..

I want to date someone far away. I don't ever want to blend, live with a man again or marry. I simply want an exclusive thing during my
Limited free time.

Hope it goes well OP

Having dated someone who lived far away, it’s a complete pain in the ass.

And you can avoid blending, living together or marrying but still live close enough for petrol and/or time to not be a factor.

What is a WhatsApp broadcast list or group? Was he messaging multiple women the same message? Or is it something else?

A broadcast list is not a group. It’s a list of contacts you can set up and when you send a message it goes to everyone in the group. They don’t know they are part of the group you just get a message and think it’s gone straight just to you. So you could send “can’t stop thinking about you babe” and send it to 20 people at once and they all think they have got that message.

Oh dear. That’s not a good thing.

Since he has his own business maybe he was just busy. It was only one day, after all.

You say you want casual....OP your post doesn't sound like you want casual. You need to relax

Does he know that you want a “thing” which won’t ever go anywhere, but has to be exclusive and has to require texting everyday?

That’s a big commitment when you’re saying right away that it’s never going to be more than hooking up every so often.

This.

Texting on and off all day is not casual.

I met my dh online (15 years ago). We messaged a few times and met up, I wouldn’t have wanted someone messaging me non stop prior to meeting as the chemistry may not be there and it’s just a waste of time. Sounds like your man feels the same. Just meet up and relax and see how it goes.

Why on earth did you do that! 😳 I was just thinking the first few responses were bonkers. Yes of course men let you know if they are interested but after they have met you. How interested can anybody be in somebody that met online and have been chatting to online fora week!

And...anyone who is excessively interested before you've even met, is a huge red flag! It shows a desperation to be in a relationship and a willingness to indulge in fantasies making a person to be something they aren't necessarily, but simply the person your mind creates.

@southpawz Was it today you were meeting?