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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding - cold turkey 13 month old tips

44 replies

AmeliaHay · 22/03/2024 07:15

My 2nd son is 13 month and exclusively breastfed, but the frequent waking for boob is killing me now. I am permanently exhausted from it, because he always wants to boob back to sleep, and if I try other methods he just cries and cries. I feel we've got to the point that he is forcing me to have to just end our breastfeeding journey completely because I'm getting angry at him for waking / wanting boob all through the night, which is then making me feel guilty for getting so frustrated with him, because I'm so tired. I'm sad to have to stop, because it's such a wonderful bond and I love feeding him (just not up to 10 times a night!) and I also know we're not having another baby, so I'll never do this again, so I know it's going to me difficult to stop - for us both. I went cold turkey with my 1st who was exactly the same when he was 16 months but I can't remember how I did it. Would you just say "it's all gone" this morning, and just stick with that until he stops asking? :(

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 22/03/2024 07:18

Wear a tight top so he can’t get to them, say no, and offer a drink of water/milk instead. Be strong!

CadyEastman · 22/03/2024 07:21

You're braver than me, the risk of mastitis would out me straight off going cold turkey.

Are you sure that gentle night weaning methods like this one don't work?

LightSwerve · 22/03/2024 07:26

I think cold turkey is the wrong approach, especially as you acknowledge you're doing it out of anger.

I understand the frustration but I'd suggest more gentle weaning.

fourelementary · 22/03/2024 07:26

I wouldn’t want mastitis. So no. It’s also a good lesson for you both to find and hold firm boundaries without you giving in and with him not feeling unsafe to express negative emotions. So yes, follow an approved and proven method such as Dr Jay Gordon’s.

Turtleoo · 22/03/2024 07:47

I didn't go cold turkey, but I did night wean at about a year. I made a rule that I would give milk from 5am but if he woke before that I would say no milk, all gone and offer a cup of water instead. There were a couple of nights of screaming, and I just comforted DS and repeated the message, and he got it quite quickly (and it improved night wakes within a couple of days)

NoCloudsAllowed · 22/03/2024 07:59

Don't go cold turkey. For the sake of your boobs if nothing else.

Say you'll feed him at bedtime, then something like 11pm and 3am. In between those times say 'not now'. Do the same in the daytime - I used to only feed after meals.

It's much easier to say 'not until x' than 'never, go away'. Once you've got him to accept a routine for it, drop a feed as suits you to move towards finishing completely.

Cold turkey will have him howling, your boobs sore and maybe blocked, then you give up after a day or so and feel even worse.

NoCloudsAllowed · 22/03/2024 08:02

I'd also time it well - he's likely to be unsettled at night to begin with, maybe do it over weekend or Easter hols when it won't impact work

Original poster

AmeliaHay · 22/03/2024 08:17

I am off work now for 2 weeks. With my first, a sleep consultant told me to.l it was kinder to stop all together than just stop certain times of day, as he won't understand why sometimes he's allowed milk and other times not, which I kind of agreed with. I don't think a 13 month old could understand no milk at night but yes in the day? Correct me if I'm wrong. I just don't want to cause confusion for him. My first was 16 months when I went cold turkey, I think I just said all gone one morning so he heard it all day before going imto night, and after 3-4 nights it was like he'd never breastfed (I my boobs for a good 2 weeks). I avoided mastitis by expressing lightly...

OP posts:

Greyscale1 · 22/03/2024 10:17

What worked for me was DH going in and doing the night settles and only bringing to me if he really couldn't settle them. I continued to still feed during the day and they have gradually reduced themselves to just on wake up and bedtime

Giraffe888 · 22/03/2024 11:06

I’m in this position now but my daughter is 26 months. She only feeds to sleep and during the night but I’m definitely ready to stop now. I’ve tried saying no during the night but she just screams and screams until I give it. I’ve tried offering water or a cuddle but that’s not sufficient!

my son happily weaned at the same age with no fuss so I’m at a loss

CadyEastman · 22/03/2024 15:52

They very much can understand. Does this sleep consultant have any BFing Qualifications like being a BFC or a Lactation Consultant?

Mumoftwo1312 · 22/03/2024 15:56

I understand the breastfeeding-rage (I've had it at various times) but sometimes I've found making other changes, like being well hydrated, getting rest in the day, etc helps and the rage goes away. In the meantime you can reduce feeding gradually

fuckthemail · 22/03/2024 15:57

So sorry op. It sounds like you need to stop for your own well being. It feels tough but a week or so and you will all be used to a new routine.

fuckthemail · 22/03/2024 15:58

Definitely agree with getting someone else to do the night shift for a while. As baby will understand that they don't have milk for them

mindutopia · 22/03/2024 16:25

Could you just not feed him back to sleep? At 13 months, he's not feeding at night because he's hungry. It's a soothing thing. You're going to have to figure out how to soothe him back to sleep anyway, whether you stop cold turkey or just refuse to feed some/all night feeds. Either way, it's going to be a battle. But it's no more confusing to still feed a bit during the day or to sleep at bedtime, but say no during the night.

I stopped mine feeding during the day, maybe around then, but kept the night feeds until maybe 15 months or so. Because it was easier for sleep that way - I didn't mind night feeds if I could go to sleep after.

Zippedydoodahday · 22/03/2024 16:27

Be warned you could stop and then find he still wakes frequently but now you can't get him back to sleep

LightSwerve · 22/03/2024 16:46

AmeliaHay · 22/03/2024 08:17

You were badly advised by that sleep consultant, that's bollocks.

MrsTeepee · 22/03/2024 17:03

Getting DH to do bedtime and night wakings meant I BF for another few months and she did actually sleep better too. I then did cold turkey (ish) once DD was down to 1-2 feeds a day. Honestly, the hormonal change was AWFUL but I only noticed when I 'gave in' after a few days and instantly felt better, like a cloud had lifted. It did feel more confusing for her when I gave in, so after that I was really hard nosed and found other ways to comfort her.

It was much worse than 4th trimester hormones and I was genuinely a horrible person to be around and absolutely miserable. If I was brave enough to do it again, I'd plan nothing and stock up on chocolate!

britnay · 22/03/2024 17:13

I wouldn't go cold turkey. What I did was make my husband get up in the night and offer water. They are more accepting of that when they can't smell the milk!

oldgreysquirrel · 22/03/2024 17:16

What worked for us was DH doing the night weaning. If I wasn't there, it wasn't an option.

Original poster

AmeliaHay · 22/03/2024 17:27

I have done the cold turkey with my 1st, and it actually wasn't that bad, 3-4 nights of asking but each night less than the one before. So that's how I'd do it. I just dont know if I'm ready and I feel sad all day today :( but I dont know if I'll feel any different if I stop now or in X amount of months. He has however been biting/grinding on my nipples again today with teething!

OP posts:

CadyEastman · 22/03/2024 17:51

When one of mine started to bite I honestly thought it was the end but I called one of the BFing Helplines, the BFC suggested some things to try and help stopped biting pretty much straightaway.

Might be worth giving them a call?

Wingslikeabird · 22/03/2024 18:22

OP, waking more frequently than every two hours would be considered outside of the norm, and thus there will be some underlying factor at play that will be causing this (allergies, or oral ties, or obstructed breathing etc.). The infant sleep screening tool on the Evolutionary Parenting website can help you work out what's going on.

Does you baby snore, sweat at night, breathe with their mouth open? All of these are symptoms of sleep apnea which would need immediate medical attention as it causes periods of stopping breathing which can obviously have extremely serious consequences. My brother had adenoids and tonsils removed as a toddler and then magically slept. Prior to that, in the words of the doctor, it was "a wonder he can breathe" - and, of course, he woke a lot.

BertieBotts · 22/03/2024 18:27

You can stop at one time and not at others. They understand this just fine IME.

If you want to stop totally, that's also fine. I'd make the decision based on what you want though and have some confidence in it, rather than thinking he's "forcing" you. He's only one, he can't force you to do anything. It's perfectly fine to stop breastfeeding or put some limits on breastfeeding if you want to do that. Not cruel. It's good to have boundaries and limits - children don't always have to like this and that's ok.

Is he in his own room or are you cosleeping? A mixture?

BertieBotts · 22/03/2024 18:28

Oh I'd suggest infant ibuprofen to help biting caused by teething pain.

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