Is this insanity or could it work?

[Whatsmytea]

DD is 8 months. She goes to sleep fine. I feed her and play lullabies and she nods off without a problem on my bed. The problem is if I want to go to bed and try to move her she wakes up and won’t sleep in the cot.

I absolutely hate co sleeping, it’s destroying my back, it’s uncomfortable and I get really poor quality sleep. We just disturb one another constantly.

I am wondering if I should just let her have my bed and get a cheap single bed for her room and sleep there so reversing the rooms if you like … madness to let one small baby have a double bed to herself?

I’m not really 100% this would work tbh. You have no guarantee she won’t just wake up in the night as she is missing your closesness. HV told me that babies will wake up and panic if they wake up in a different circumstance to what they went to sleep in.

Have you looked at bed guard measurements for all sides of the bed as well? Even if you did that, they can still easily get shifted and she could get stuck.

I know but she seems quite happy there without me when she goes to sleep. It’s hard to say. My absolute ideal would be her sleeping in her cot but it just isn’t happening and the lack of sleep really is becoming a problem.

I had a terrible sleeper. We never co slept (dh wasn't comfortable with it)

I learnt that you have to teach your child to fall asleep in the bed they are going to be spending the night in. So the easiest solution would be to do what you are doing but in the cot.

Other things that disturbed my son's sleep were night feeds and the dummy. (As he kept losing it) Once those were gone he slept through.

I'd be concerned with leaving her in the bed alone incase she fell out, got stuck under the covers etc.

It’s really hard. I really struggle to get her to sleep in the cot and then she wakes all night, it hurts my back to bend over the cot and she does seem to need a night feed still. I probably need to do some sleep training but she’s so little and still isn’t eating a lot by way of solids. She eats a good breakfast but this then tails off and she has virtually no dinner or lunch.

Have you spoken to your HV for advice with all this?

Do they still make those co sleeper cots that fasten on to the side of the bed? They only have 3 sides so open onto the main bed and you can fall asleep with your arm on your kid

She has a next to me crib which was better bur she’s too big for it now.

I used to sleep in DC cot with them, then slowly climb out. Is that an option ?

That worked for a good while, as they always woke up when I tried to transfer them there otherwise

Could you replace your double with two singles pushed together? One for her and one for you? Then you can seperate them when you get into bed

She would roll out of a single, I think. It’s rubbish, I’ve had no proper sleep

Can you put the cot up against the bed with the side down? To her it might feel like you're still in the same bed. You can't leave your baby on a double bed then go off to sleep in another room.

Holly - you say that but I have been albeit temporarily. She goes to sleep around 7 and I come up a couple of hours later. Im not sure what is ‘wrong’ about this.

Something does need to change it’s just hard to know what, I’ve been up since 2 with her and I can’t sleep because I’ve only got the tiniest bit of room in the bed. Every time I move her she wakes up and cries, she just keeps gravitating and edging me out. I really hate co sleeping and would never choose to do it but I can’t get her in her cot.

No, I wouldn’t replace one bad sleeping situation with another bad one. Have you tried consistently putting her to sleep in the cot for a couple of weeks and settling her but not taking her back to your bed? Often it takes a few days for kids to get used to a change in sleeping habits but you do need to be firm that this is how things are now so that they don’t get confused and think there is another option.

It's "wrong" because it is not safe. That is why cots have sides and stairs have gates for when babies are unattended. The fact that nothing has happened so far is down to luck. Try putting a mattress on the floor and let her fall asleep there.

No I wouldn't say that is safe at all.

I do get it, my first woke up every 39 minutes until he was 18m old and I was struggling. I actually bought a small double mattress for his room and we had it on the floor but I was in there with him, the room was totally baby proofed and there was a gate on the door so he couldn't get out if I'd gone into a deeper sleep

But 8m is far too young to be sleeping on a bed alone. She absolutely will fall out and once you have heard the sound of your baby falling of a surface to the floor you wouldn't wish to repeat it.

I wonder if you could try putting say a travel cot mattress on the floor next to her cot so you can lie there and put a hand through the bars into the cot to settle her while she gets used to sleeping in the cot? And feed her to sleep there next to the cot so she gets used to relaxing in that room and if she falls asleep feeding the transfer is shorter and no change in light levels etc? Putting bum down first on transfer helped us too.

It’s not safe to leave her in the double by herself, even for the few hours you’re already doing so. Adult beds are a lot higher and there’s no sides. She could easily roll off and get really hurt. Adult duvet/blanket/pillows would be unsafe too if the bed has them on. Just don’t risk it. Either try to get her to go to sleep in her cot or properly co sleep.

Kindly sleep deprivation interfers with ability to think. Letting her sleep in a double is unsafe and madness as you have no bed

I'd revisit the cot first. Check its comfy and fluffy and inviting thry csn be lumpy and get a topper if needed.
Brushed cotton bedding is good choice as it feels warmer. I also favour a velour type comfort blanket.

Then once confident its a cosy bed.... Bite the bullet and put her down to bed awake but calm in the cot, let her kick off she will eventually go to sleep and you will eventually reclaim your bed and sleep.

At 8m food is for fun most nutrition comes from milk but she IS able to sleep through the night without milk. Giving her a feed encourages her to wake for it.

If you want to get her in her cot you can do it. I say this only because I have friends who cosleep who claim to hate it but arent actually prepared to do any of the things needed to change their current set up.

Do what works Mama! I had the exact same situation, an absolute throrn little one who would not budge on sleeping next to me. I shut up and put up, but got a decent night's sleep. I hope whatever you decide you get some sleep and I hear you.x

Put her in her cot and leave her to fall asleep.

And get the Ferber sleep training book.

As above a double beds unlikely to be safe She could still roll off a double bed. Unless all the pillows and covers are off the bed and it has enough bed rails or the mattress is on the floor its not a safe sleeping place for an 8th month old.

i would put a loose sheet under where she sleeps. Add a single bed next to your bed if there is space (bed rail on other side) and when asleep slide the bedsheet over with her on it to her single bed

I co slept with mine until she was 4 because as a lone working parent sleep is really important. You do what you need to as long as it's safe.

If there is room I would slam another single bed in the room next to the double against the wall. Put her in there.

Your alternative is sleep train in a cot but mine wouldn't deal with that either so I found a different way.

What about a cot that has no side and joins to the bed. They are amazing. Best thing we ever bought.

My baby hated her proper cot. We ended up moving her from our bed to a travel cot right next to me and she was happy with that. Something about her beautiful wooden cot just didn't suit her. Eventually managed to move the travel cot to her own room when she was a bit older.