Is this insanity or could it work?

[Whatsmytea]

DD is 8 months. She goes to sleep fine. I feed her and play lullabies and she nods off without a problem on my bed. The problem is if I want to go to bed and try to move her she wakes up and won’t sleep in the cot.

I absolutely hate co sleeping, it’s destroying my back, it’s uncomfortable and I get really poor quality sleep. We just disturb one another constantly.

I am wondering if I should just let her have my bed and get a cheap single bed for her room and sleep there so reversing the rooms if you like … madness to let one small baby have a double bed to herself?

^ absolutely this! Babies need to be allowed to learn the skills to self settle. If the cosleepimg isn’t working for you then you should look at trying to move her in to a cot (not a bed at this age) in her own room. There are lots of gentle methods of sleep training to try (definitely not cry it out).

just encourage her to sleep in her own cot,
i had to crawl out of the room at that age

What about putting her cot next to your bed with the side down? You can still have contact with her , this worked for me when my daughter will a baby.

Sorry but no it won't work. From about that age my kids were moving and rolling a lot, I would be worried she might fall or get stuck between pillows etc.

To be honest for me there is only 1 viable solution and that's to get her to sleep in her cot. We had to sleep train both our kids one way or another. Both were very different sleepers so it didn't have to involve huge crying sessions. For my 10 mo it was loud white noise and sleeping on her front that made all the difference for instance.

You could put a bed rail on one side and push the bed against a wall in the other. I assume you wouldn't leave a duvet and pillows in the bed anyway if you aren't planning on sleeping in it?

Alternatively, could you try feeding her to sleep on a single mattress on the floor (or her cot mattress on the floor) in her room and leave her in there?

I don't think your idea is terrible if you can make it safe.

That sounds fine. Just make sure it’s a safe sleeping environment - no pillows, bed guards around etc- essentially making it like a large cot. My DD was exactly the same and we did this with a double bed. Good idea with the single too so you can get some proper sleep.

Absolutely ridiculous idea.
You need to lay down the law, that is mummy's room and mummy's bed. Not to mention unsafe.
Put her in a cot and enable her to self soothe.
I totally get that desperate times and all that but you're just setting yourself up for failure in the future. A similar thing happened with my nephew, he's now 7 and will not under any circumstances leave his mum's bed.
It's hard having a baby, constant exhaustion but unfortunately that's one of the drawbacks of being a parent.
Have you spoke to your HV? They may have some useful tips you can try.

Odd idea. HVs aren't parenting experts!

It would probably work fine. You've got to do what's right for you. We co-sleep but my 7 month old is fed to sleep in a double then sleeps there by herself until I come to bed. (I watch on monitor and bed is set up so she can't fall out, no pillows/duvet nearly etc. before anyone jumps on me!) You'll need a single bed for her room eventually anyway. Why not get a floor bed and then you can use the same bed when she moves to her own room?

of course HV are parenting experts

they offer sleep advice

This sounds extremely dangerous. What’s to stop the baby rolling or crawling off the sides of the bed?! She’s 8 months old, not 8 weeks, so she is presumably quite mobile. She should be left alone sleeping on a bed for any amount of time.

I understand the temptation, but you’re choosing an ‘easy route’ (which is actually long term difficulty) over short term hardship. It’s time to get her into her own cot and into her own bedroom.

exactly

Also second hv, our team ran sleep clinics to support parents struggling with sleeping (baby not them 😂)

They are definitely not parenting experts. They are infant and young child health specialists. Any parenting advice they offer is very hit and miss, and largely inconsistent across the profession.

Do you have space to put the double bed mattress on the floor? That way there is no issue with falling out if you are not in the room too?

My son was very similar so he now sleeps on a double mattress on the floor in a fully toddler-proofed room. I sleep in a different bed but having the double makes it easy to pop in and out as needed.

8 months was really tough for us sleep-wise and this arrangement gave us our evenings back. Mine is 22 months now and sleeps through the night :)

Google floor beds for safe sleep advice.

This is what happens with us.

No space for a floor bed and I really don’t fancy one to be honest.

She can’t crawl yet but it is imminent. That being said there’s nothing to stop her crawling off when I’m sleeping with her as I’m only on one side.

@Didimum

Exactly, their parenting advice is often dodgy and old fashioned. They are useful for health questions, hence the name

This is why I had double beds in every room in the house when dc were little.

I'd put them to sleep in one bed, then go to sleep in another. When they woke up I'd get up and join them in the bed they were in.

Meant I at least got some sleep.

I used to put those bedside barriers up to stop them rolling off, and they'd sleep in a sleeping bag thingy to stop the duvets being a hazard (I'd pull them off when I left).

Given they didn't go to sleep without me or sleep through the night until they were 4, it saved my sanity.

No I'd just work on fixing the situation. Work on putting her down in her cot awake, and let her fall asleep there.

Hot water bottle in her cot before you put her in there, only way I can ever shift mine over.

Just put her in her cot. You’ll have a few difficult nights but she’ll learn quickly that she sleeps there.

My DD didn’t like her cot but I don’t like co-sleeping due to SIDs. So I got a travel cot with a drop side on it so I didn’t have to bed over. It was a life saver as she was next to me and had lots of wiggle room.

@Whatsmytea I thought a floor bed was the same size as a normal single as in basically just a mattress?

Just to add OP, don't be tempted to buy a single bed for your DD. Up until approx aged 2-2.5, children don't have the cognitive ability to understand that they need to stay in a bed so sleep training will go much better with her in a cot. I'm happy for you to PM me if you want a chat (I'm a baby sleep consultant).