To ask you to talk me out of wanting a 3rd...

[lazymamma]

I've got a boy who's 7, and a girl who's 2. Perfect pigeon pair.. couldn't be more blessed.

I suffered hyperemesis and PND quite badly with my girl. Part of me really really wants another, maybe due to the fact I felt robbed of enjoying pregnancy and newborn etc with my girl. DH isn't dead against, but we have a 3 bed house.. we're ok as we are. His words were "what would having another actually add?" Maybe it's because I'm 36 this year too. Every pregnancy announcement I see I always feel slightly jealous. It doesn't help most of my friends had their 1st around the time I had my 2nd so I fully expect a string of second babies coming soon.

Talk me out of it..

My third was twins so I have four. Imagine how skint you’d be if that happened. The costs of childcare are phenomenal, ongoing costs of bigger cars/ houses.

You have one child, and you think "a second would be nice. You have two children and you think "I should have stopped at one!" 😀

I love saying that to my kids!

I couldn't face thought of possibly having PND again and that has personally stopped me from having a third.

Can you afford a bigger house?

Don't do it. Everything is designed for families of four or six, eg food multiples and family tickets. You'll need a bigger car. If you go away you cant have one hotel room once they are all in beds but must pay for two. You need another pair of hands when they are all taking off in different directions. There is usually a two against one situation most days. The hardest part is the newborn and pregnancy stage whilst running around after the other two. They then tag team onc the baby arrives to ensure you NEVER get a chance to have proper sleep
Shall i continue? Youll also feel guilty about no one every having enough attention.

Having two healthy children is very fortunate. Every time you conceive it’s a roll of the dice - are you prepared to have a third child with lots of additional needs and the impact this could have on your other children?

Very interested in these replies… Mother Nature doing her thing in making me think ‘now or never’ about baby number 3!!

I have three. Absolutely no regrets.

Teens are fab but extremely demanding of your time, emotions and most of all your money. We frequently say thank god we stopped at 2. Then there’s the university costs…

Another toddler!!!!!!! Another round of play date mums!!!! Another one to teach to read!!!!

She's asked to be talked out of it fgs

I could have written this. Girl and boy. 4 and 2. Eldest was a covid baby, youngest I had fairly intense PND. My desire - I know - is to chase the perfect experience I never got.

I’m trying to ground it on 2 things:

1. it’s not fair on my wonderful children. My bad experience with the newborn stage doesn’t mean that they should go through another bump for my own desires.
2. purely financial. It would hit our standard of living so hard and I’m not prepared to do that for our family.

I completely get it. But in a head v heart battle, for me, this is one where head needs to win. I’m so lucky and I don’t think I can roll the dice on life again.

Your existing two will have to share you and receive even less time and money than two siblings do.

Also, if the plague happens again, homeschooling three different key stages at home is a bloody nightmare. #StillTraumatised

This is what’s putting me off a third. This and the fact my body has already been through it twice (plus C-sections) and it feels like more of a gamble each time with more to lose as I’m a mum now.

If I could click my fingers and everyone be fine, I’d have a third tomorrow though. I found out what I was having both times and would love to do it one last time as the cherry on top and have a surprise. I’m about 70% on no but 30% of me still fully intends to have another 😂

What if you had hyperemesis again? I had it with DC2 and that was one very very good reason not to have a third!

I have 3, similar age gap to you 8,2,1.

No regrets either. The younger two adore eachother and the oldest gets left in peace.

Holidays and days out are more expensive though. Bigger car. Bigger house. More parents evenings and activities to attend.

this was me…...a boy then a girl…got to 6 and 4 …..pregnant again…DD went to school just as number 3 was born…..that was another 5 years of nursery…..it was 14 years of primary school drop offs and pick ups…..holidays and days out always hard work with kids of different ages…..extra expense with a loft conversion, so they all had their own room …..other wise oldest and youngest would have had to share ( both boys)……holidays always cost more as we needed 2 rooms…..all those years where they argued about who would sit in the middle in back of the car…..if I had my time again I would have stopped at 2….,but we did it and I look back fondly on the time ….mostly !

I’ll offer a balanced view for you. We have 3 age 6, 4 and 2. Firstly it’s true that they say you’ll never regret the children you have. Our third is an absolute treasure and love him to bits.
However it has changed the dynamic of our family in many ways. I’m now 4 years into night wakes as second and third children haven’t been great sleepers. I’m sleep deprived and have little patience so my eldest 2 suffer because of that sometimes. We are still being destroyed by nursery fees and have minimal disposable income.
My middle child is showing signs of neurodiversity and having a toddler as well means I can’t give him as much focus. My eldest is at school and I don’t have as much time as I’d like to spend with her doing homework and 1:1 stuff.

If you don’t have support from DGP or extended family think really hard about how you will manage (we don’t have this and it’s a huge struggle). Having 3 has been the ultimate sacrifice to any social life, my relationship with DH and my looks (having a third has definitely aged me more and my pre baby body is long gone).
Just a few things for you to think about!

I have 3. It's a nightmare at times. And it isn't ever actually easy, just sometimes ok.
You can never buy a car you want...you have to get 3 car seats in.
You can't just book a family room, you have to get 2.
We have to drive to our holidays as flights are prohibitive, even bargain flights are ridiculous when you x5. So we drive to the continent which is nice but makes it harder to go someplace where sun is (almost) guaranteed.
You can't chase 3 kids running in 3 different directions.
One is ALWAYS moaning that they are left out.
If they have hobbies/sports you are literally just their taxi most days of the week.
We have a 3 bed house so the boys share. And hate each other. Constant drama.
Your 3rd might be twins. Multiply all the above shit, but not by a factor of 2...by way more. Harder. More expensive.
I love my kids. But they're breaking me. And I'm not really the mum I want to be to any of them due to the stress and lack of time.

I also had twins the 3rd time around. My marriage broke down and I’m a single parent of 4. It is immensely stressful, expensive, difficult. While I love my twin boys, my life would be so different (easier) if I had stopped at 2.

Read the thread on university costs and parental contributions.
Mine are early teens, I'm very glad we stopped at two!

You've already had hypermedia and pnd, they could be worse next time round.

I'd concentrate on the wonderful family you have.

Children aren't an unmitigated joy.
From the moment they are born we worry about them. We just can't help it.
A third child is 50% more worry.

Bless you “giving a balanced view” when your oldest is only 6!

Mine are lovely but parenting a teen through 13 -15 for the THIRD time whilst smack in peri menopause yourself dear god no. Then THREE lots of university costs?! Then you want to try to help them on the housing ladder? Sorry but unless you are extremely high income I don’t see why you would.