To ask you to talk me out of wanting a 3rd...

[lazymamma]

I've got a boy who's 7, and a girl who's 2. Perfect pigeon pair.. couldn't be more blessed.

I suffered hyperemesis and PND quite badly with my girl. Part of me really really wants another, maybe due to the fact I felt robbed of enjoying pregnancy and newborn etc with my girl. DH isn't dead against, but we have a 3 bed house.. we're ok as we are. His words were "what would having another actually add?" Maybe it's because I'm 36 this year too. Every pregnancy announcement I see I always feel slightly jealous. It doesn't help most of my friends had their 1st around the time I had my 2nd so I fully expect a string of second babies coming soon.

Talk me out of it..

My third has completed my heart. His siblings adore him. He is utter joy to me. I know he is my absolute last and so I treasure all of those things that pass by so quickly.

Cars for a family of 5 is a pain.

My first two were easy, ate everything, well behaved and I could take them anywhere - totally thought it was my parenting.

My now wonderful 3rd was a handful, kicked, scream, bite, throw and destroyed everything. We didn't go out for dinner until he was at least 4 - even then 3 courses was out. He is a really smart and lovely boy now but he's definitely aged me and it was a difficult time.

does that help? 🤣🙈

I had hyperemesis for 4/5 months with my first. I then had it for the full pregnancy with my second. I also had PND with both but far milder with my second. Not in a million years would I put myself or my kids through that again. I felt like I missed over half a year of my oldest's life bedbound with a sick bucket and she was just like a deer in the headlights, no idea what was going on or why I couldn't look after her anymore.
If you've had it once you are more likely to have it again. Same with PND. Obviously not a certainty but that's the stats.
Also, they're bloody expensive, as it would be upgrading your car and house to fit 3 kids in should they not be big enough.
I can keep going if you're still tempted 😂

You have one of each with a fairly big and easier age gap than if you had another now. Huge difference between a 4-5 year age gap and a 2 year one! I know two families that had one of each, went in for a third and had twins … can really throw the dynamic off if you suddenly become a triple boy or girl mum! I’ve just had a third, a girl after two boys and also had HORRIFIC pregnancy sickness … I’ve heard it’s worse with girls and you could well have a girl again and go through it all again. I would never have had a third if that was my second pregnancy! We are very fortunate that we live in a country with much cheaper childcare and home help, all of a high quality. We also have my parents round the corner. I wouldn’t attempt three without a big support network in place.

Tough one because I would love 3!!

Firstly, you have a duty to your existing children to be around for them, parent them etc. You can't do that with HG and PND, it would be a massive upheaval for them.

Second, every kid is a roll of the dice. Can you cope with a disabled or high needs child if you have 2 already?

My DH is one of three. The first two were typical and well behaved kids. Their third sibling was an absolute nightmare and almost destroyed his parents' marriage. As an adult, he has been diagnosed with autism (very high functioning) which partly explains some of his behaviour but they didn't consider this 30 years ago. MIL parented the first two, and FIL had to handle the third. He literally could not be unsupervised for a second. He would hit and bite, scream, and was extremely jealous. His relationship with his siblings has recovered now as adults and they are actually very close but DH would tell you he honestly hated his brother growing up and having his youngest brother in his life ruined his childhood.

I have a grown up family and now having a second set of children in my 40s, I would say 2 is relatively easy in so many ways, it just kind of works. The biggest difference is that 2 are hard work half of the time between them so enough time left to keep sane and maintain a house, life etc where as the easy moments between 3 are much rarer occurrences. That said we’ve got 2 younger ones and have gone for having a 3rd 🤣 despite knowing how much more difficult it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

One was/is enough for me, let alone three! The thought of the relentless round-the-clock cycle of a newborn while taking care of 2 older children makes me want to weep. At least when DS woke every 90 minutes for a feed he'd only wake for the day at about 8am. DS is 5 and gets up at 5 30. I suspect he'll be one of those who runs a 10k before work.

What i meant was that I would give some positives and negatives but ultimately focusing on the challenges given the OP had asked to “talk her out of it”.

There’s no need to be patronising to me just because my children are younger. I’m well aware of the potential challenges that will come as they get older thank you.

My third is my most straight forward in many ways but another round of reception age birthday parties might be enough to put you off 😂. She wasn’t planned and my girls share a room - unlikely that will change anytime soon. Overall it’s been more positive than not (not just in a ‘I love her now she’s here’ way). It’s a lot to stretch myself between all of them but I think there would be more intense comparison if it was just the older 2.

omg arguments about the middle seat!! I'm the youngest of 5 and somehow I'd blocked out that trauma until this exact moment 😂

"I suffered hyperemesis and PND quite badly with my girl. Part of me really really wants another, maybe due to the fact I felt robbed of enjoying pregnancy and newborn etc with my girl."

What makes you so sure you won't get hyperemesis and/or PND again?

Is that really the main reason you want another baby - to "enjoy" pregnancy and a newborn? I'm afraid I struggle to understand that tbh as I didn't enjoy pregnancy at all!

Also, it's not really about the pregnancy and newborn stage - you would be bringing another person into the world, that newborn will (hopefully) have a whole life ahead of them, change the dynamics of your family, and will need your time, attention and financial resources as much as your older children do.

Can you afford a bigger house and car? Can you afford another maternity leave and childcare fees for a third child? Can you afford to provide for three children in the way that you would ideally want to?

Are you and your partner able to take time for yourselves atm - individually and as a couple? Would you need to sacrifice some of that time if you had a third child?

Only you and your partner know the answers to these questions. But you do need to think realistically about the actual reasons for wanting another versus the cost to all of you as a family.

I was in a very similar position and am so glad we didn’t try for a third now mine are 8 and 10:

Attention. I don’t think I have enough capacity to add another one in and do an adequate job

Money. much less of it

Sickness. Worse when tired. Hard to be hands on

hotel rooms and cars